The Silence
by WriteByTheMoon
Summary: She was Rose. His Rose. And he was the god damned weeds that would taint and poison every inch of her until there was nothing left. He knew that but it wouldn't stop him from dragging her down if that's what it took. He couldn't do this alone, she was the sun that gave life and he was the poison that took it away.
1. Chapter One

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

 **Summary:** _Rose is asked by Rick to talk to Negan in his Cell._

 ** _Chapter One_**

If there was one thing and one thing only that Rose knew about Negan it was that he was dangerous. Even in that dark cell, locked away from the world he was still just as dangerous and that's why she had to always keep her wits about her.

When Rick asked her to do it she had to admit it she had been intrigued. Wasn't this what she had always wanted? One on one time with a psychopath. To really delve deep into their mind and find out why they were that way and maybe even what made them be so. The thing that she hadn't trained for was the way the world was now and the way in which it changed _everybody._

"I don't understand what you want me to do." She sighed to Rick, who sat across from her.

"Learn about him... learn _from_ him. Maybe see what happened to make him so... so..." he looked around as if the word he was looking for would be somewhere in the room.

"Savage?" She finished for him.

"Well yeah." He looked at her with a serious expression. "If you study him maybe we can stop it from happening again, see the signs before someone becomes like him." He shrugged. Rose didn't say anything just studied him as she thought about his proposal. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

"No." She leaned forward onto the table. "I think you're smart for thinking ahead and trying to learn from him."

"Good. You understand."

"To a degree. I mean sure I was a psychiatrist but in this world... it's different."

"People are still people." He argued.

"Correct." She nodded. "But in a set of circumstances nobody has ever been in before. It makes people become things they never would have in the old world."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying it's hard to apply an old way of analyzing someone to such an extreme set of circumstances. I could bang a whole list of diagnoses on the guy but then in the next breath I could diagnose everybody here the same way."

"But he's different."

"Is he Rick?" She raised her eyebrows and he looked away rather awkwardly. "We've all done things. Extreme things we would never have dreamed of being capable of before. Hell I was in my cosy little office one day and bashing in heads the next."

"But you didn't use fear and manipulation to rule over people."

"Rick I'm not saying what he did was warranted. I'm just trying to explain to you that I'm no more qualified for this than you or... Carol or..."

"I just want you to talk to him not rehabilitate the man. Isn't that essentially what you did in the old world."

"In simple terms."

"I've seen you do it. Hell you got more out of Daryl in our first week here than any of us did in years. You can get people to open up. I'm just asking you to try. Try to understand him... what made him that way."

Rose realised he had repeated the same thing a few times now. That he wanted her to _understand what made him turn out the way he did._

"I get it now." She said out loud.

"Go on..."

"This is for you... not him. You need to try and understand why he got that way because you're scared you could have gone that way too. I remember how you were when you got here."

"How was I?"

"Savage."

He scoffed. "See. There you go again." He relaxed back in his chair looking pleased with himself. "Getting in people heads."

"I'll do it."

"Thank you." He rasped, he looked so tired and she constantly told him to rest more but he wouldn't, she had a feeling he couldn't. "Since he recovered fully and we put him in the cell he's eerily calm." A deep sigh left his chest and he looked as though he was debating wether to not to say something.

"Go on..." She encouraged making him smirk at her.

"It don't feel right. Just leaving him down there constantly alone."

"I know. I've been worried about it myself. It would send anyone strange being down there alone but somebody who is already the way Negan is..." she shook her head not even wanting to go into what it could mean for him. The psychiatrist in her had been dead against it from the moment he got down there but her common sense had prevailed. Until now. "You're doing the right thing."

 _ **Later that day**_ as she was just about the enter the small room containing the cell, Rose didn't feel nervous but strangely excited and that did not sit well with her. Walking in she pulled the chair she had brought behind her. She didn't look over to Negan straight away but heard his cot shift as he either sat or stood up. As she set the chair in the centre of the room, a good metre away from the bars her stomach dropped at the lack of light and warmth in the room, the man didn't even have the basic human rights. Shaking the thoughts of the old worlds workings she sat herself down, crossing her legs at the ankle and putting her hands on her thighs in a relaxed and open way.

"Hello Negan." She said confidently.

"Who are you?" He rasped.

"I'm going to be coming to talk to you every now and again."

"Are you fuckin' kiddin' me." She looked over to see him drop down onto his cot. "As if this place isn't bad enough they're sending a fuckin shrink in here. God damn! I thought they _weren't_ trying' to kill me?!"

"Nice to see you still have that sense of humour." She quipped as she pulled out the notebook and pen she had brought.

"You gonna draw me like one of your French girls?" He asked in a husky voice as he sprawled himself into a comfier position. Rose chuckled not being able to help herself. As much as she wanted to tell him to shut up she knew she needed to get on his better side, even though she didn't want to be on any of his sides.

"So is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Yeah actually. This room sucks. The beds lumpy, theres no light or heating and don't even get me started on the wi-fi."

"I'll be sure to tell the manager." She said straight faced. "We do like to put our customers first here at The Alexandria."

Rose was surprised when he chuckled but even more surprised when he stood up quickly but didn't move.

"This has got a whole lot of Silence of the lambs vibes don't ya think?" He started to walk up to the bars. "Clarice..." he hissed before laughing to himself.

"My names Rose. And no I don't think it does. I'm not going to become obsessed with you Negan."

"Oh darlin'... this is gonna be fun." Then he finally stepped from the shadows but on his face was a look far darker than any she had ever seen there before. A cold shiver made its way from the back of her neck downwards as his eyes met her own, still just as confident as before but with a hint of hopelessness.

As Rose stared back at him she knew she was in trouble, she was too empathetic which had always been a strength before. Here she was sat in front of this man who had caused so much heartache, fear and chaos and she was feeling sorry him.

"I'll be back later with your food." She told him standing up abruptly.

"Wait!" He said with a raised voice as she turned, what stopped her frozen was an edge that she had never heard in his voice before, pleading. "Give a guy a break. I can't take anymore of this _silence."_

"I'll be back at dinner." Rose decided she had to stay in charge with him, she wouldn't be becoming his play thing.

"I'll set the table!" She heard him shout as she left. His humour was clearly his way of hiding his true feelings.

 **A/N** _If anyone reads this I'd really appreciate some feedback! I'm loving writing this story!_


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

As days went by Rose found that she actually enjoyed her new sense of purpose. Her and Negan hadn't gone any further than constantly trying to one up each other with their comments but that was fine, it wasn't like he was going anywhere. She had gotten into the routine of going every morning and he was always there waiting in the same place, sat on his cot with half of his body bathed in the shadows.

"Good morning." She said as she sat down in the seat she had left.

"Isn't it just." He said in a low voice.

"So are you going to actually talk to me today or make stupid jokes. It's up to you."

"I was thinking... what does Rick want from this?" This was the first time that he actually wanted to talk about something.

"I don't know." Of course she wasn't going to tell him that he wanted to better understand the man who most just wrote off as a monster.

"Sure ya don't. See I think he wants you to _change_ me or some shit like that."

"We all know that isn't possible, Negan." She dropped the pen she was holding onto the floor in front of her. "You want to know why _I'm_ doing this? Nevermind Rick." The man just nodded. "I don't like the thought of _anyone_ down here all alone with nobody to speak to. Everybody deserve at least that."

"Well aint you just lovely." He sneered.

"I'm too nice, yeah. Don't get me wrong I know just as much as anybody else what a monster you are _but..."_ she took a deep breath. "I can't imagine being in here day in day out alone. Having nothing but your own thoughts... thats rough."

"Ya want me to tell you what it's like?"

"Yes."

"I sit here... I think about everything thats led me to this point. Every decision, every wrong turn I ever made." He walked over the bars and leant his forearms on them, half of his face coming into the light. "But you wanna know the one moment that stands out? The one that down right _kills me_ every time?" She nodded and without realising it sat forward in her seat. "Come closer."

"I can hear you fine here."

"Come. Closer." He ground out. Everything inside herself told her to stay put, he was only doing this for his entertainment but that one tiny part, that pesky intrigue again had her standing and putting one foot in front of the other until she could feel the cold metal of the bars on her hands. "The moment I agonise over..." he began with a whisper. "Is the moment I didn't use Lucille on Rick. Right between the _fuckin' eyes._ "

Silence hung in the air but Negans harsh tone rang in her ears until she eventually let out a shaky breath and took a step back. When the surprisingly warm hand grabbed hers she jumped and tried to snatch her hand back but his grip didn't let her.

"What's wrong darlin'? Ya think I'd fuckin' sit in here regretting all the things I did? I _had to_ do those things." He was deadly serious this time, spit escaping his mouth and it was unnerving to see this man clearly on the verge of madness.

"No." She stood her ground even though her voice shook as she pulled her hand out of his grip this time. She noticed his hand continue to reach out for her for a second before he seemed to catch himself and grip one of the bars instead, a stark different to the soft warmness of her hand. "You didn't need to kill Glenn and Abraham in cold blood in front of everyone who loved him. In front of the woman carrying his child!" She raised her own voice this time remembering how the ones who survived had returned from that, completely and utterly broken. "And Daryl... you treated him like an animal..." She shook her head. "You really think that's what needed to be done?!"

"It worked." He growled. "The only place I went wrong was not killing that prick when I should have. You really think this fantasy land is gonna work?! People _want_ to be led... _controlled_."

"Not through _fear!"_ She retorted.

"Then why did it work?" He said simply.

"You're unbelievable."

"Ya aint seen _nothin'_ yet!" He all but yelled, she jumped slightly and berated herself for it internally.

"I've definitely seen enough for today." She glared at him.

"So soon?" He sighed. "Back to little old me."

She just walked out without even looking back, having just had her first real look at Negan, the real Negan she couldn't wait to get out of there. As she burst through the door, flustered she bumped into someone who grabbed her arms to steady her.

"Woah... Rose?" She looked up to see the last person she wanted to see her coming out of there. The heavy door behind them banged shut and she winced. No getting out of this one.

"Daryl!" She put on a big smile hoping she could distract him but being overly friendly and making him awkward. "What are you doing here?"

"Rick wanted to to talk about that run we've got comin' up." He looked behind her at the door she had just come from and frowned even harder. "What the hell was you doin' in there?"

"Where?" She said innocently.

"Rose..." the tone of voice he used was enough to tell her it was not in her best interest to lie.

"Fine..." She sighed. "Rick had this idea... to get me to try and...basically..."

"Spit it out!"

"He asked me to talk to Negan, try and _understand_ him."

He turned his head the way a dog would when he heard a high pitched sound. "Understand him?" He sneered. "Under-fuckin'-stand what?! That he's _crazy?!"_

"Daryl please..." She shushed him and pulled him away from the door.

"Don't shush me! You agreed to this?!" He shouted.

"Yeah! Daryl it's what I do!"

"He don't need your help Rose!" He pointed back towards the door as if she didn't know who he was talking to. "He needs a bullet in his damn head."

"Don't start with that again, Daryl. Maybe you're right... but that's not what Rick thinks." She shrugged. "I get it okay."

"No!" He shouted again which shocked Rose. Daryl always seemed so able to control his emotions, until now. "Ya don't get it. Hearin' about it and bein' there are two different things!"

She just nodded knowing whatever she said, it wouldn't be the right thing.

"I'll talk to Rick. Ya won't need to go down there again."

"Daryl... I want to." She was ashamed to admit this to him but she would have been just as ashamed had she lied to him. The look he gave her, one of disappointment and almost disgust only worsened the feeling. He walked away from her shaking his head and muttering something under his breath. "Daryl..." She called after him to no avail. "Fuck."

The last thing Rose wanted to do was upset anybody, especially from that group as she had become closer to them than anybody else having not arrived to soon before them. She recognised every single one of their reactions, the hatred, the bitterness. To find out that people had been sitting pretty while they struggled. Rose alone for a lot of it was a hard pill to swallow. Her admiration for Rick as a leader to his group, something which she had prayed for everyday she was alone was a big reason she had even agreed to this. She just hoped he had her back.

 _ **As evening came**_ the pit in her stomach hadn't gotten any better even though she had delved into helping around Alexandria to keep her mind off what the others must think now they knew what she was doing. Her back cracked as she stood up fully and stabbed her spade into the soil.

"Hey..." She turned to see Rick and Michonne approaching her.

"Hey."

"So Daryl saw you coming out of the cell, huh?" Rick's scrunched up expression told her everything she needed to know.

"He went mad at you too?"

"Oh yeah..." Michonne joined in. "You two aren't his favourite people at the minute."

"I haven't been for a while." Rick shrugged.

"I'm sorry... you didn't say it was a secret and I just figured people would see me in and out of there anyway."

"Not your fault, it wasn't a secret."

"Oh good."

"I'm here to talk about the run. We need extra bodies..."

"I'm in." She said before he could even finish, she had been itching to get back out there for a while now.

"Thanks." He nodded. "How's things goin' with Negan?"

"Honestly?" She sighed and looked up to the dimming sky. "Nowhere except... I swear Rick... he's gonna loose his mind in there. It's not good for anyone."

"So what do you suggest we do with him?" Michonne snapped.

"I'm not trying to say I have a better idea." Rose held her hands up defensively, sick of being attacked today. "I'm just warning you, from a professional perspective."

Rick nodded and grabbed Michonnes hand as if to stop her from saying anything. "That's what we need to know. Thank you, Rose. Just keep an eye on him."

"Of course."

"The runs tomorrow so get some sleep and meet up at zero six, okay?"

"Yes, sir." She mock saluted before walking away.

Far too tired to start cooking she made her self a sandwich and grabbed the one that had been made for Negan before making her way back to the cell. It was the first time she would actually be eating with him and she briefly wondered if it was weird of her to "break bread" with him but she was too tired and pissed off to care. When she walked in she saw that Negan had pulled his cot right up the bars and was sat there waiting.

"Here." She said as she put the plate and a bottle of water on the floor. He grabbed it and started to eat straight away just watching as she sat down with her own sandwich.

"Is this a dat...?"

"Don't even..." she held up her hand interrupting him. "I'm not in the mood. I'm tired and dirty and had far too many people being assholes to me today."

"Who?" He asked in a low voice.

"None of your concern."

"I heard my pet shouting about something the last time ya left." Rose stopped chewing and he smirked. "Don't worry I didn't hear anything. I haven't worked out whatever _this"_ he motioned from himself to her with his sandwich. "shit is."

"It's nothing like that. There's no evil plan."

"I know. Ya aint got it in you." He smiled a surprising care free smile.

"You'd be surprised."

"What's the worst thing you've done?"

"I'm not telling you that."

"C'mon. Connect with me." He wriggled his eyebrows at her which only made her roll her eyes.

"I've never told anyone that..."

"I'll take it to my grave." The eye contact they were making made her stomach turn.

"I'm not telling you that."

"You will." He said cockily. "So what's your story?" He asked, thankfully changing the subject.

"My story... I've been in Alexandria for almost two years now. Before that I was alone. Before that I was with a small group. That's all there is."

"Oh that's never all there is. How did you survive out there on your own? This world is no place for anyone to be alone, especially a woman who looks like you." He looked her up and down and she instantly felt dirty at the memories flooding back about men she had come into contact with since the end. He was right there probably wasn't many people who had got this far without problems from other people as well as walkers.

"It was the worst two months of my life." She swallowed the heavy emotion that was rushing up from her chest.

"I'm sorry." He told her sincerely. "I wish I'd have found you. Took you to the Sanctuary." The sentiment was nice until she realised that The Sanctuary would have been no sanctuary at all.

"What so I could be used for slave labour and god knows what else and if I disobey get half my face burned off?"

"You'd have been my wife." He said making her choke on her sandwich. "You wouldn't be tired and dirty, you'd have had everything you wanted and anyone who pissed you off would have answered to me."

Rose snorted. "Oh I'm sure I would have felt real special. Me and all eight of your other wives."

"I _knew_ that'd bite me in the ass one of these days."

Why did you have them?"

"Power." He shrugged. Now she was getting somewhere. "And what man doesn't dream of eight different women all willing to get on their knees for him at a moments noti..."

"Goodnight, Negan!" Rose cried as she stood up and left, his laughter following her outside.


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

There was a light snoring when Rose entered the cell at five that morning. She carried a lantern in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other figuring nobody would know if she left some of it in the cell, near the bars. She place the cup down just loud enough so that he heard it and as he jumped up she said, "just me." He let out a loud sign.

"That's no fuckin' way to wake a guy up." He said irritably.

"Yeah well I needed you to know that I'm not gonna be coming to talk to you today, maybe tomorrow depending on how it goes."

"On how what goes?"

"The run."

" _You're_ going on a run?"

"Yes. I'm more than capable.'

"Never said ya wasn't darlin'." He shrugged. "Where is it?"

"I'm not telling you that."

"Why?" He said his voice sounding like he was still annoyed at his wake up call. "You think I've got a radio shoved up my ass? Who am I gonna tell." Against her better judgement she told him. She told him that they were heading for an old warehouse about 120 miles away in the middle of nowhere and about how they were hopeful because it wasn't mapped due to it not being long open before everything happened.

"You can't go there." He replied simply. "We passed it once, I lost two people in there. It had way too many problem areas. It's got long corridors with exits only either end and because it's new most of the doors are electric so you gotta force them open."

Rose considered him for a minute, still stood up but having made his way up to the bars she could see that serious look in his dark eyes again. "How do I know you're not just making that up to keep us away and then you can go if you ever get out?"

"I'm not." He sighed and she watched as his hand gripped the bar in front of him. "Please don't go."

"Why?" She said quietly.

"It's dangerous!" He spat.

"What does it matter to you?"

"The rest of those pricks? Good riddance!" He pointed upwards to the tiny window. "But you? No." He actually looked desperate and Rose felt her chest contract wondering if he was being real or not.

"We have to go."

"You don't!"

"Yes... yes I do." In all honesty Negan had freaked her out but out of pure stubbornness she was still going just because he was telling her not to. "You don't get to call the shots anymore, Negan." His lips upturned in what she could only describe as a snarl. She picked up the cup and took a sip from the warm, sweet bitterness before putting it on the floor within his reach. "If anyone asks... I left it by accident." She told him sternly.

"You stay in the middle of any group. You check you've got a way out in every _god damn area_. And for gods sake don't let anyone open the fourth floor doors." His voice was so dominating it took her right back to the times he would come waltzing into Alexandria doing whatever the hell he wanted. How times change. She didn't argue with him as it was the first time he sounded like himself, not that she wanted him to be that way but it was a whole lot less scary then a Negan who was totally losing his mind. "You're an _angel!_ " He told her as he took a sip of his coffee, rocking back onto his heels. Rose just shook her head as she left.

 ** _When she went to meet Rick and the others a little while later_** she knew she was going to have to tell him what Negan had told her. She would never forgive herself if she didn't. Stood there waiting was Rick, Michonne, Rosita, Daryl, Jesus and three others she didn't recognise from either the Kingdom or The Hilltop.

"Why is she coming'?" Daryl said rolling his eyes. Rick just gave him a stare.

"Rick I need to speak to you." Rose told him gesturing away from the group, he nodded before going her. "Negan told me some stuff about the warehouse."

"You told him where we were going?!" His face turned angry instantly, so she rushed to explain herself.

"I'm trying to get him to trust me and it's not like he can tell anybody." He shrugged, seemingly placated.

"What did he say?"

"That he and the saviours came across it, they sent some people in and he lost two. They didn't even bother after that, said it was over run and the long corridors make it even more dangerous. Most of the doors are electric so they have to be forced open. He said not to open the fourth floor doors but he didn't say why."

"Why would he tell you that? Why would he want to help?"

"I've no idea." She didn't want to tell him that he had told her for her benefit, not sure what he would think of that.

"Is that all he said."

"Yeah."

He let out a heavy sigh before walking back to the others, Rose stood awkwardly as he relayed the message to the others, some looked at her suspicously and Daryl just shook his head and angrily threw the end of his cigarette onto the ground. She walked over wanting to know what people were saying.

"It's bullshit!" Daryl shouted.

"We can't ignore it, we'll just be more careful." Rick told the group. "We're wasting time, come on." Everybody got into vehicles, she was in the car with Rosita, Jesus and two of the people she didn't know.

"So what are you doing with Negan?" Rosita asked, never one to beat around the bush.

"Rick just wanted me to talk to him. You know I used to be a psychologist..."

"Yeah... fucking hate shrinks." Rosita scoffed.

"Thanks." Rose laughed.

"Nothing personal."

 **When they arrived at the warehouse** straight away they had to get rid of half a dozen walkers milling around before they entered the warehouse. It was dark and cold as they walked into the entrance, a room with a large window looking into the ground floor filled with boxes.

"There could be a lot of stuff in there." Michonne said. Rick nodded to Daryl and they both started to bang on the windows.

"Stairs are here." Jesus told everyone as he popped his head into a door on their left.

They all stood silent as what started as five walkers became ten and then fifteen and then too many to count. "Shit." Rick cursed.

"We can still try the other floors." Rosita said but Rose was feeling more and more uneasy as time went on, he had been right, anybody sensible would have left this place to the walkers.

Ricks decision was final though as they all made there way up the heavy doors. "There's five floors. I don't like it but im not gonna take a chance on the fourth."

"Because of fuckin' Negan?" Daryl grumbled.

"Yes. It ain't worth it." Rick told him.

"Believe it or not... I read people quite well. He was being honest." Rose told the group.

"Ya defending him now?"

"Daryl, is this really the time?"

"Rose is right." Jesus said. "Lets do this."

"Rosita, Andy and Dan you take this floor." Rick told the woman and the two men from another group.

"I'll take the third with Michonne and Terri." The women nodded to him. Rose wished she was as confident as the member from Hilltop who stood looking determined, her red hair pulled harshly off of her face. "Daryl, Rose, Jesus take the fifth." Rose took a deep breath as she gripped her gun and followed the men to the top floor. As they passed the door with a sign saying "4TH FLOOR" she saw Daryl eyeing it and didn't even want to know what he was thinking.

Daryl kicked open the door to the fifth and all three of them entered the corridor which just as Negan had said was long with doors either end. The door on the left was slightly ajar and so they made there way to it.

"Someone's already been here." Jesus said quietly.

"Yeah, we all know who." Rose said in tight voice wanting Daryl to realise.

"C'mon." He walked in with his flashlight held up, the other two following. Straight away she could hear the tell tale groans as two walkers approached in the darkness and as she turned towards it she banged into some metal industrial shelves.

"This is fucking impossible!" Rose said, panicking. Daryl and Jesus took care of the walkers and they stood silent just waiting.

"Hardly overrun." Daryl drawled. Rose just shook her head looking around but all they could see was shelves that had been ransacked. Empty boxes ripped open on the floor. "He tell you they'd taken everything?" He spat.

"No." Rose said quietly, wondering why he had left that part out when it would make it so much more difficult for people to believe him.

"There's nothing here!" He was getting angry now. "Screw this!" Daryl began to stomp back out of the large room.

"Daryl what are you doing?!" Jesus rushed after him.

"Tryin' the fourth floor."

"Daryl no!" She said as loud as she could without drawing any unwanted attention.

"Ya trust him?!" Daryl spat turning his visious gaze into her. "Well I sure as hell don't." With that he left the room, Jesus following him. There was no way she was following on that suicide mission. She went a little further into the room noticing a shelf right at the back with a couple of boxes untouched and so she went and opened them smiling when she found one full of packs of pasta and the other full of rice. She lifted one, holding her torch between her teeth and started to make her way back out when she heard Jesus shouting.

"Rose get out!" She dropped the box and started to run out of the room and towards the staircase but even before she started to descend she could hear the groans and hisses overtaking the calm.

"Shit!" She shouted as she stopped so harshly she slipped down a couple of the stairs, the hard metal banging against her back as she lay frozen watching a horde of walkers scrambling up towards her. Jumping back up she headed the only place she could. Up and back into the fifth level room. Entering the pitch black, only her small torch to see her way around she struggled to drag one of the sets of shelves in front of the door before backing up slowly trying to get her bearings.

No radio.

Just her knife.

Her gun.

Extra ammo in her backpack along with water, a first aid kit and a crowbar. Tears flooded her eyes as she realised it wasn't looking good for her. She screamed as she felt cold hands grab at her ponytail, dragging her backwards instantly loosing her footing. She felt her side tear open and screamed, she didn't give up though and grabbed her knife wildly stabbed at where she hoped the head would be. She only stopped when she felt the weight completely drop on top of her, quickly pulling herself out from under it with a cry of relief.

Stabbing it one more time to be safe she pulled her shirt and vest top up to inspect her side, it was a gash just below her ribs that didn't look too deep. Sobbing she collapsed onto the floor.

She was done for. Scratches could be fatal but this...

Far too many walkers were on the other side of that door, it wasn't going to hold much longer, their excited groans reminding her of that fact. She was going to have to use the gun on herself. That realisation broke her, she began shaking hard as she battled to keep calm and think straight but the tears flowed and she let out a pained scream, not because of the cut flooding blood but at the despair taking over her.

This was it. If only she had listened to him. _Negan._ If only Daryl had listened to him! She took a deep breath and pointed her torch to the bastard that had finally gotten the best of her only to spot something else next to it. A sharp bit of metal was protruding from one of the shelves and it was covered in blood, fresh blood, her blood! It wasn't the walker.

The jagged bit of shelving must have cut her.

Raising up she started walking to towards the small bit of light she could see on the other end where Daryl had searched. Seeing a fire exit she got a renewed sense of hope, diving towards it and flying out onto another stair case outside just as she heard the shelving give way and the walkers flood in. Slamming the door behind her she rushed down the stairs but as she got to the bottom she saw that four walkers had heard her coming. She stopped to shoot the two closest, using almost a whole magazine due to her lousy shot and injury.

The other two dropped and she saw Rick and Daryl coming to her aid. It surprised her though when all that filled her was anger, anger that Daryl's own pride had nearly killed her when she thought they were close friends and she had just been left there. She had thought she was going to have to shoot herself! She marched right over to Daryl, holding her side tightly and reared back her hand before punching him with such effort that she fell onto the floor with a cry of pain.

Daryl just looked at her shocked, holding his face but hadn't been moved an inch by her poor efforts.

"You bit?" Rick asked.

"No." She said through gritted teeth. "It was so fucking close!" She cried.

"I'm sorry!" Daryl said in a quiet voice. "We couldn't get to ya. As soon as we opened the door... they came out... we..." His mouth kept opening and closing as he shook his head.

"Ya sure this isn't a walker?"

"Yes I'm sure! Just get me home!" She shouted sick of everybody's shit. Rick lifted her and she didn't remember drifting off.

 **Negan wasn't happy.** He hadn't realised how much he actually relied on the talks with Rose. At first it had been fun, a little game to entertain him whether it was just embarrassing her with his crude nature or talking about the things he's done and watching the horror in her eyes. Having not seen her since way early that morning he had just sat, the same pathetic boy bringing his food to him. He didn't eat it.

He found himself wondering is Rose was okay, he told himself it was all for selfish reasons as he didn't think anyone else could put up with his shit and a guy gets lonely. Hell, she was very easy on the eyes too.

"Get it ready!" He heard a women shouting. "We don't know how bad it is but Rick says she's bled a lot!"

Negan shot up from his cot as he heard part of a loud conversation as they rushed passed the little window at the top of his cell.

"Hey!" He shouted. He wanted to know. He needed to know!

He hated not being in control.

He hated that Rick the Prick had taken her on a suicide mission, like he wanted to take away the small bit of god damn light he was allowed.

With a roar he grabbed the coffee cup she had left and threw it at the wall before punching the rough brick, feeling his knuckles crush.

She had better be okay or there would be no mercy once he got out of this shit hole.

There was one thing and one thing only Negan was sure of and that was that one day he _would_ get out.

 _ **A/N I AM LOVING WRITING THIS!**_

 ** _Thanks to anybody coming along for the ride which I have so much planned for. 3 Especially you two who reviewed!_**


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

 _ **"Well this feels like the worst hangover in the history of the**_ ** _world."_** Rose said groggily.

Tara just laughed from beside her. "Yeah they had to give you some pretty strong stuff."

"So I didn't eat anybody?" Even though Rose had seen the blood on the jaggered metal she was still terrified that the walker could have gotten to her too.

"Not today."

"Oh good." Rose lifted her shirt to see the wound covered.

"I heard you punched, Daryl."

"He deserved it. It was his fault I nearly died."

"What happened in there?" Her closest friend asked. If she was going to tell anybody it would be her, they had always just bounced off of each other both similar in the way they'd use sarcasm and humour to get through tough situations. Rose cleared her throat to begin but Tara sat up and grabbed a bottle of water before giving it to her.

"Thanks." She took small sips to wet her throat. "What do you know?"

"Daryl opened the door he was told not to, everybody got out in time but you got separated then Daryl remembered seeing a fire exit. They just had to hope you'd find it. He feels really bad about it you know."

"I know." She knew how sensitive Daryl could get about things but what had happened to her had been traumatic and it could have been avoided if he had just listened. "I thought a walker did this..." She gestured to her side. "I was sat there, with my gun trying to get the balls to shoot myself before the horde got in."

"Jesus." Tara shook her head.

"He was no help either." Rose huffed and looked up to her friend with a grin.

"Not funny. You could have died! What happened?"

"I realised it wasn't the Walker, some of the damn metal shelves were abit of a hazard."

"You're so fuckin' lucky."

"I know!" Rose gave a shaky laugh, thinking back to how she felt for that minute she began to shake.

"I'm glad you're okay." Tara stood up and shocked Rose by pulling her into a big hug, which was so very needed.

"Am I allowed to leave?"

"Yeah, I don't know if they have any pain meds though."

Rose shrugged. "I'm okay for now." And with that she got up off the bed and walked out with Tara hovering around her.

Several people acknowledged her, wishing her well and glad she was back on her feet.

"I'm so glad you're okay." Rose turned to see Nora stood nervously next to her.

"Thank you!" Rose smiled but she couldn't ignore how jittery the woman looked. "Are you okay?"

"Erm.. can I talk to you?"

"She needs to rest." Tara told her seriously, her face told Rose she knew something she didnt.

"What's going on?" She looked between the two but they both just continued to stare at each other, silently communicating. "Would one of you just tell me?!"

"It's Negan." Nora blurted out.

"What?" Rose' stomach dropped. As much as she wanted to ignore it she had actually been looking forward to going to talk to him again. She didn't want to question it, she couldn't question it, hoping that as long as she ignored then it wouldn't become an issue. She shouldn't enjoy his company. She just shouldn't, she was supposedly a good judge of character but she was constantly questioning whether this man was sucussfully manipulating her or had some good in him somewhere.

"He's refusing to eat. He keeps asking about you."

"Why?"

Nora shrugged. "He got wind of you being injured and it all kind of went downhill from there."

Could this all just a pre-meditated way to make her think he cared about anyone except himself and his baseball bat?

"I'll go talk to him." She told her. "See if I can get him to behave." She joked.

"You need to be resting!" Tara argues.

"I will. Straight after." Rose told her with a smile before walking off towards the cell.

 _As she hobbled into the room she spotted him straight away. He was sitting on a small wooden stool, his long legs stretched out in front of him but the second he saw who it was he stood and walked up to the bars._

"Darlin'... ain't you a sight for sore eyes." He looked her up and down. "You look like shit."

"Feel it." She collapsed into the chair and looked up at his face which was scrunched up in a way she didn't recognize.

"Why's no one helpin' you?"

"No one else can bare to be around your annoying ass." She barked a laugh.

"I have a damn fine ass and you know it."

"Oh yeah that outfit really shows off your ass." She scoffed eyeing his loosely fitted blue outfit that had been given to him.

"Ya been lookin'?" He smirked in the way that only he could, all cocky and arrogant but strangely charismatic.

Charismatic? She angrily pushed her thoughts out of his head. _Again._

"So they told me you were refusing to eat."

"Just didn't want to."

"Why not?"

"Just didn't sweetheart."

"Why do you call me names like that?" She was trying to just throw questions at him in hope he'd let his guard down a little more. He was a very honest man but strategic in what he kept to himself.

"Habit I guess. A pretty girl like you."

"Why was you asking about me?"

"I knew it was dangerous."

"Again... why would you care what happened to me?"

He shrugged and she could tell he was carefully deciding how to reply. "You're the only person who gives me the time of day. Gets lonely down here... you're my rose in a fuck ton of thorns."

He was such a charmer but she wasn't about to fall for that. Even if it was the nicest thing any man had ever said to her. She didn't fail to realise how fucked up the situation was.

"Oh wow. I never took you to be the poetic type."

"I'd surprise you in a lot of ways." There was that smirk again as he slid his hands around the bars, his busted knuckles coming to her attention.

"What did you do?!" She gasped standing up a little too quick, bending slightly with a wince at the sharp pain in her side.

"Ahh, it's nothin'."

"This isn't nothing." She said looking him dead in the eyes. The professional in her was worried about the fact that he had done this, basically a form of self mutilation and a very dangerous path for him to go down. "Has anyone else seen this?"

"No." He said simply. "Ya wanna kiss it better for me?"

"Definitely fucking not." She snapped back annoyed at the constant flippancy he had for every situation.

"Oh baby I love it when you swear." She went with a different tactic of ignoring him. "This needs seeing to."

"It's fine." Negan said scratching his chin where she could see his facial hair getting longer.

"Are _you_ okay?" He said out of nowhere coming forward to rest his face in between two bars reminding her of a kid.

"I'm fine."

"No you're not." Her heart squeezed at the way he kept eye contact while his voice sounded so sure. He knew. Somehow he knew she'd been through something bad.

"It was close for a second... I thought..." she began talking before she even really thought about it _wanting_ to tell him what had happened. "I got hurt when a walker took me down, I thought it was the walker... I sat there..." she stared at her hands as if she could still see the gun she had been holding. "Thinking that was it. That I'd have to put myself down..." her voice shook so she cleared it and took a deep breath before looking up to his face which was just watching her.

"What went down?"

"Someone didn't believe you about the fourth floor."

"I bet I can fuckin' guess who." He rasped.

She didn't say anything not about to rat on her friend.

"You survived it."

"Through pure luck."

"Just luck couldn't have gotten you out of there."

"This is what I'm supposed to be doing for you." She laughed softly. "Talking to you about things, helping you."

"You do." He said genuinely. She took a step back, from the cell and the situation and tried to look at it from an outsiders point of view, something she had always been good at in her job. She had no doubt this was all for show, trying to get her on his side and that made her so angry but also sad at the thought that he really wouldn't ever change.

"I'm gonna go see someone about fixing that hand."

"Okay." He sat back down on the stool looking down at the floor. She always felt bad leaving him, just like she'd told him she was too nice and even after the horrific things this man had done she felt _sorry_ for him. She was just going to have to accept that.

 ** _Rose went straight to where Rick, Michonne and Judith's House was being rebuilt thinking it'd be her best bet._**

He answered the door with the little girl on his hip and a wide smile broke out across her face as she saw her. "Rosie!"

"Hey there little one." Rose stroked the top of her head.

"Ya wanna come in?" Rick asked her stepping aside.

"Oh, no... I needed to talk to you about Negan."

He nodded before walking out of her view and after hearing muffled voices he came back to her alone.

"Go ahead."

"He's hurt himself. He punched the wall, a few times from what I can see of his knuckles."

"Okay. Why?"

"Anger... frustration... Rick he's locked in there 24/7."

"That's kind of the idea yeah." Rick stood with his hands on his hips coming across disinterested.

"I'm just trying to keep the man as sane as possible, Rick so I'm telling you things that don't sit right with me."

"So what do ya want me to do? Walk him like a dog? Parade him around in front of everyone? The _Savioirs_ would go crazy!"

"I know." Rose nodded. "I'm just saying if you keep a man like him behind bars for _years_ you're gonna make it ten times worse."

"There's no way." He said his voice final.

"His hand?" I'll send someone. Rick sighed heavily.

"Meet me here at seven. We'll take him to get looked at."

"Okay." She just nodded not wanting to make him in an even worse mood.

 ** _"We're gonna use these." Rick told her that evening holding up some handcuffs. "Straight there, straight back."_**

"Let's do this." Rose told him walking beside him with butterflies in her stomach, for some reason the thought of seeing Negan with someone else in the room was making her unbelievably nervous.

Rick walked into the room first, the keys to the cell in his hand he walked straight over to the lock not even making eye contact with Negan who stood there staring at Rose.

"Hands out front." Rick told him.

"Yes, officer." Negan drawled.

The noise of the cuffs closing made Rose flinch but looking up to Negans face she saw it didn't bother him, or he didn't let it show.

Rick gestured for Negan to exit the cell first and as he did Rose was taken aback by his emposing stature, it wasn't necessarily his size even though he was tall but the way he held himself.

"Ya comin' sweetheart?"

Seeing him again without any bars between them, with him saying that to her had her hormones doing all kinds of things they shouldn't be.

"Move." Rick demanded. They walked out onto the street with Rose slightly ahead of Negan with Rick behind watching his every move.

"So what is this?" Negan asked her.

"Your hand." She told him without even looking at him.

"I told you it was fine."

"And I'd told you I'd get someone to look at it."

"Oh I love a woman who takes control."

"That's enough." Rick's voice barked from behind them both.

Surprisingly he stayed silent the whole way to the medical building, Rick entering before both to light the room.

"Who's doing it?" Rose asked seeing that nobody was there.

"I was told somebody would be here." Rick sighed.

"I see you got this place well organised." Negan sniggered.

"Be quiet." Rose told him this time.

"Let me see properly." Rose said standing in front of Negan. He smirked at her as he lifted his hands, the injured one slightly higher and holding her breath she took it in both her hands. "It doesn't look like anythings broken, probably could just get away with cleaning it for now. I can do that." Rose told them both. "Good job you've got a lousy punch."

"My masculinity is well and truly wounded, darlin.'"

"Poor baby." Rose replied sarcastically. "Sit down."

"Yes ma'am." Negan said as he walked over to an arm chair and sat down moaning. "Oh well fuck me sideways this feels like a god damn _cloud_."

Rose shook her head grinning and went over to get some things to clean and wrap his hand noticing Rick watching them both intently which made her slightly uncomfortable.

Pulling up a stool she poured bit of rubbing alcohol onto a cloth before gesturing for his hand which he gave her with no arguments, she set to work cleaning the wounds and dried blood while his gaze flickered from her face to his hand in hers. Neither noticing Rick's head turning on a slant as he studied them. He didn't know Negan well but seeing him happily sat watching this woman tend to his wounds set him on edge, he couldn't get his head around it. This monster looked almost... _tamed._

His thought process was cut off by the crackling of his radio. _"Rick come in."_

"It's Rick."

" _You need to get over here that same saviour's causing problems."_ Rose had heard about one particular saviour not settling into Rick's leadership as well as the others, the camps were still being set up but already were causing problems.

"Ya want me to have a word?" Negan asked smirking.

Rick decided on the same tactic Rose often ended up using and ignored him. "I'm busy. Can it wait ten minutes?"

 _"I wouldn't be asking if it could."_

"Fine, I'll come now." He looked over to Rose. "Will you be okay?"

"She'll be fine with me, won't ya?" Negan was making it so hard for them to ignore him.

"Yeah of course, he's cuffed and I'm armed."

"I'll send someone else straight away. Don't try and move him without someone else."

"Well I feel _dangerous."_

"I'll wait."

Rick nodded as he gave her the keys then left the room. Rose felt the energy shift straight away so she quickly put the keys in her pocket and just carried on cleaning the last of his hand.

"Alone at last." He said quietly.

"Lucky me." She threw the cloth in the bin before picking up the bandage and beginning to unwrap it. "How are you feeling today?"

"Is this the shrink shit?" He said with a laugh.

"Humour me." She said not looking up at him, not wanting to look up at him without the safety of the bars.

"I feel better than I have in a _long_ time being out of that cell."

She just nodded. "I'm working on trying to get them to let you out every now and again. You might deserve to rot down there but I've too many morals to let that happen." He leaned back at her words seeming to stiffen letting the silence drag on.

"You think I deserve to rot?"

"I..." She stumbled over her words as she looked at his face. He seemed so torn, he was a clever man and he knew that the things he had done had been way beyond despicable so he got it. He did but from her? It had been a slight shock.

"No I get it." He rasped. "What I don't get is why you still talk to me... why you still seem to... care?"

"I told you.. I'm just not the kind of person who can be okay with anybody being treated badly."

"Fuck." He scoffed. "How did that part of you survive?"

That was a very good question. She had seen her fair share of bad shit since this started, been beaten and almost abused but it hadn't taken that optimism for people away from her. Is that what had happened to him?

"Is that what happened to you?" She said out loud. "You just lost faith in people?"

"I don't think I ever had that." He said thoughtfully. "My world turned upside down before the dead started eating us, sweetheart."

"Why?"

His dark eyes took in her expression. How much she was dying to know all his secrets, all the gritty stuff that other people didn't want to hear confused him. How could she be so intrigued by the darkness of people and still so _pure_ in how she saw everybody.

"I could get those keys off you in seconds." He said his deep voice almost hypnotic. "You know that right?"

She just blinked, even though he was cuffed and and she was armed she knew he was more than capable of over powering her. He didn't know if she was good at protecting herself or not and the odds still outweighed him greatly though and that's why she had _thought_ he wouldn't try to get them.

" _In fact_ there are multiple ways I could get those off of you. But I haven't."

"Let's say you could..." she began.

" _I can."_ He interrupted.

"Why aren't you then?"

He moved close but she didn't back down even as his face was inches from hers.

"I don't know." He whispered and she didn't miss the way his eyes flicked to her mouth.

She raised her eyebrow having not expected that. He seemed to realise what he had done as his expression became hard again.

"I don't make a habit of beating up women." He said with a shrug of his shoulder.

"Right." She wanted to point out that he had let his men kill plenty. "You remember when you first met Rick? The line up?"

She half expected him to make some kind of cocky joke about that horrific time but he just nodded. "What if I had been in that line up? What if I'd been _it?"_

His eyebrows came together. "What are ya gettin at darlin?"

"You respect me in some weird way right? That's why you warned me about the warehouse."

"Yeah."

"Glenn was kinda like me. He saw the best in people, he'd do anything to help anyone out. The way you just kill whoever _Lucille_ lands on no matter if they're a bad person or not... that's what makes you worse than the others."

"DO NOT...bring Lucille into this!" He shouted switching so suddenly to anger that this time she couldn't help but flinch. "I'm the villain yeah I get that! But everyone has a villain. Rick was mine or are you forgetting the part where a group of you snuck into my outpost and killed my men while they slept in they're beds!"

"I wasn't a part of that."

"Did you try to stop it?!" He roared standing up making the armchair scoot back, she shot up at the same time as him hand going to her gun. "Tell me some more about poor little Glenn! Go ahead... I'll tell you about Roy who's _wife and little girl_ was waiting for him to come back. Or James who I sent out there cos he was useless! Lovely kid but thick as the hulks cock! You think he deserved to die?!"

"I get it..." she said in a calming voice. "I get it." And she did. Those four words had made it click in her mind.

 _Everybody had a villain._


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

 ** _Michonne walked in to see Negan stood towering over Rose looking furious while she stood her ground._** "Everything okay here?"

"Fine. I just need to finish up his bandage." Rose told the woman who stood looking ready for anything.

Negan sat back down giving his hand to her as she began to wrap his knuckles gently, she held his hand with more of a grip this time.

Once she was done she stood, both of them still silent as they all walked back to the cell. Rose gave the keys to Michonne not wanting to be the one to lock him back in there and as the lock sounded she saw Negan physically stiffen.

"Come on." Michonne told Rose.

"Goodnight." Negan said watching them through the bars behind which he looked so much smaller.

When they walked out into the dark street Michonne turned to Rose. "Rick said to stay with you the whole time." She explained.

"Yeah I know thanks for coming."

"What was going on before I came in."

"I was just asking him about some things and it got out of hand."

"You should be careful and only make him angry when he's _behind_ the bars."

"I can handle him." Rose told her earning a strange look from her friend.

 ** _The next morning Rose was strictly told not to do anything too_** ** _strenuous._** Even though the wound wasn't as bad as originally thought she'd still needed some stitches and time to heal. She'd forced Tara to take her to where they were building camp then she could at least be on watch.

"Hey." She recognised the gruff voice straight away and stiffened before looking up at the sky. She didn't even turn around.

"Hey."

"Look I wanted to apologise."

"Daryl... what you did was fucking A grade stupid and you know that. You let your pride take over and I know you think I don't get it but I do." She turned around now seeing him stood holding the strap of his crossbow which was over his shoulder. "I understand why you don't like the fact that anyones talking to him nevermind taking his advice but I'm going to keep doing it because it's just who I am." She shrugged. "I don't only want you to be my friend as long as I don't do anything you don't like, I'm doing what Rick asked of me."

"Are ya though?"

"What?"

"Just doin' what Rick asked." He explained.

"What else would I be doing Daryl?" She asked with an irritated tone.

"I dunno."

"Well you must have some idea or you wouldn't have said it."

"Ya ain't just doin' it for Rick! Ya want to do it. That's what fuckin' annoys me."

"I'm gonna be straight with you. Yeah I do want to do it because before all this it's what I did! I helped people with mental illness, I helped people who just needed someone to be there."

"He don't deserve it!"

"Maybe he doesn't! But I can't sit by and let someone rot down there!"

"Ya think he sent someone to talk to me?" He poked his own chest angrily. "Ya think I had someone bringin' me damn sandwiches?!"

"No... but I'd have done it for you too."

"Ya think he'd have let ya?" He laughed harshly.

"Probably not. That's what I'm trying to get to the bottom of."

"There ain't no fixing a man like that!"

"I know that but I can't just let him go crazy down there. It's against everything I believe in." She knew it must be annoying as hell to be around someone like her but she also knew when to stop, she wasn't about to kill herself trying to help the man who did so much wrong.

"You two made up?" She turned to see Rick coming towards them.

"Yes, Dad." Rose grinned.

"Good. I need to talk to you."

"Wow, aren't I popular today."

"I'm gonna go make sure the saviours aren't killin' everyone." Daryl told them before walking off as Rose rolled her eyes at his comment.

"It's about Negan." Rick started.

"Isn't it always." Rose sighed as she found a log and sat down, Rick sitting beside her.

"Michonne told me what she walked in on. What was that about?"

"I mentioned Lucille... and Glenn." Rick looked taken aback. "You told me to talk to him about that stuff."

"I guess I just didn't think he actually would."

"Yeah, he actually made some sense of it all for me." She rubbed her forehead. "I mean in his head obviously." Rick nodded looking intrigued. "He started talking about the outpost, about how people from our group snuck in and killed people in their beds while they were sleeping. He mentioned them by name, he looked almost upset by it when he said one of them had a wife and baby waiting back at the Sanctuary."

"We all have people waiting on us."

"I know." Rose told him, wanting to make a point of how the only thing different in that situation to the line up was that their group had the decency to do while they were sleeping. But of course thought better of it. "It was just interesting to see his side you know? Like we were fighting him then, he was just fighting back."

"Wait... are you trying to say we're just like him?" He was getting angry.

"Rick do you want me to be brutally honest?"

"Of course I do."

"What he did was fucked, theres no doubt about it. But if someone had snuck into your camp while you were on the road and killed members of your group do you really think you'd have been any less brutal about it?"

He was silent for a long time.

"I'm gonna say something and I really don't want you to be angry at me." He nodded looking wary. "When I talked to Carl about it... looking back I think he saw it the same way. Simplified. Two groups fighting each other when there wasn't really any need."

"I've thought the same thing. About how when you strip it down me and him are alike."

"Except you had something to hold on to. Something to keep you grounded." She remembered what Negan had said about his world being turned upside down before the end. "He didn't."

Rick looked around thoughtfully for a while before looking back at her. "He's not getting inside your head is he?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want him to manipulate you. Are you sure you're okay doing this?"

"I'm gonna try not to get offended here, Rick. I'm an intelligent woman." She crossed her arms across her chest. "I've been watching out for that too."

"I know... I just wanted to make sure that you know you don't have to do this okay?"

"I know but thank you. Every time I see him he's worse." Rose shook her head. "You know how there's people angry at you for keeping him alive?"

"Yeah?" He sighed.

"I honestly think this is worse for him."

Rick looked at her seriously. "That's what I thought."

He grabbed her hand. "It's a big help having you do this. We can use him." Rose stomach churned at that phrase, he was a broken man and it just didn't sit right with her. He stood up and left her sitting with those thoughts.

 _ **Tired and hungry after travelling back to Alexandria Rose took two plates into the cell room with her.**_ "Here." She said as she paced it in the usual place before sitting down and tucking into her sandwich. Negan hadn't said anything or even moved which was very strange for him.

"Hey!" She called.

"What?" He snapped.

"Food."

"I ain't hungry."

"Okay..." She stood up and walked to the bars just about making out him laid with his bandaged hand over his face.

"Are you okay?" She asked. "Well as okay as you can be..." He let out a bitter laugh.

"I've got a mother fuckin' headache."

"Oh... I'll go get you something for it." She told him putting her sandwich back on her plate.

"Ya think they're gonna let you waste medication on me?" She froze, he had a good point.

"I've got a few spares somewhere. I'll go get them."

That seemed to get his attention and he slowly got up to come to the bars. As he came into the light she noticed that he looked older, tireder, he looked _vulnerable._ "Why would you do that for me?"

"Are you ever gonna stop asking me that and just accept that I'm not an asshole like you?"

He laughed and the sound of it shocked her so much that she didn't notice his hand come through the bars and onto her cheek, making her heart race. "Thank you." He told her. She cleared her throat and stepped back like he had slapped her not caressed her.

"I'll be right back."

Making her way back to the house she shared she replayed the moment over and over again, the way he touched her so gently while looking at her with a vulnerability she didn't think he was capable of. Was he doing this to manipulate her? It had to be that. What other reason would there be? That he cared about her in some weird way? She didn't think he was capable of that either. Then again... Stockholm syndrome. When the captive begins to get positive feelings for there captor, the person they are reliant. She wasn't his captor though, it wouldn't be that.

She got back to the cell to find him back in the same position. "Got some." She called out to him. He gave her a weak smile as he took them from the palm of her hand and threw them into his mouth, swallowing them dry. "Drink this. Dehydration can cause headaches too." She passed water to him.

"You're something' else."

"Don't I know it." She sighed and sat down to finish her sandwich. "I didn't think the great Negan had any weaknesses."

"Call me that again." He said tiredly before going to his cot. He sighed as he laid down. "I got weaknesses."

"Like what?" She asked.

"Guess."

"A finger up the ass? You seem like the kind of guy to like that shit."

He laughed loudly. "Fuck. You choose now when my heads splitting in two to be funny?"

"I'm always funny." She drank some of her water and got out her pad and pen. "Is it Lucille?" The silence told her everything. "So I'm not as stupid as to believe your weakness is a baseball bat. So who is she?"

"Lucille?"

"Yeah."

"She was my wife." He said quietly. "She died just before all the bad shit happened. I'm almost grateful for that." So that was why his life had been turned upside down before. She was about to ask him to elaborate on why he was grateful when he said, "cancer."

"I'm sorry."

"She was too good for this world. Too good for me." His voice sounded stronger and she assumed that the pills were taking effect. "I was already a prick before all this started. I'd been having an affair and of course when I found out that she was ill only then did I end it. There was nothin' in it... I just needed that extra attention... my massive fuckin' ego needed more. She was just some stupid whore I picked up in a damn bar, average lookin' had absolutely nothin' on my Lucille."

"They never do." Rose sighed.

"You been cheated on?" He asked as she watched the dark outline of his head turn towards her.

"Yep. I was married too."

"Us men are the worst, huh?"

"Ohhh yeah..." She scoffed.

"Did she know? Lucille I mean."

"Of course she did. Women are miles clever than us." She smiled at that not often hearing something like that from a man and never expecting it from him. "She forgave me. So you see... I was a bad person way before this shower of shit."

"Do you think you felt that way about yourself so strongly that you just kind of went with it?"

"Maybe yeah... but it worked because I was exactly what you need to be now, a ruthless prick who takes whatever he wants."

"So your weakness was your wife... but she wasn't here. So you never really had a weakness since she was gone." She nodded as she explained it to herself out loud. "That made you dangerous because most people they gravitate towards others, they need them to survive and end up with relationships... weaknesses."

"I bet you got paid a shit ton doing this didn't you, darlin'. You're good."

"I did okay. I hadn't been doing it long. Spent most of my life studying to get my PHD and then hadn't even had it a year before my clients starting eating each other."

"Was you a geek, princess?"

"Kinda... I mean I had fun but got married young too."

"Oh I'd have loved corrupting you before then." He laughed.

"You really are an asshole." She said through a yawn. "I'd better get to bed." She told him.

"Goodnight, Doctor Rose." He said in a tired voice as he turned over probably to sleep now that his headache had gone and the strong painkillers would make him woozy.

That made Rose feel better this time as she left him.

"Goodnight Negan."

 ** _A/N I see I have some more readers! Thank you if you have followed/favourited/reviewed it actually gives me so much happiness._**

 ** _I'm going to do a few more chapters of the lead up to season 9 and then a bit of a time jump to season 9! What do you guys think of that? I can't wait_** ** _especially if it's anything like the comics!_**


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

 ** _There was still a heavy damp mist in the air the next morning as Rose stood on her porch with a cup of coffee._** This kind of weather would have been dangerous when she was out there but in here she could just stand with a cup of coffee, weak but coffee none the less coffee. Seeing the familiar outline of Rick approaching her through the fog she sat down on the step guessing what he was coming to talk about.

"Morning'." He said in a deep voice that told her he hadn't been awake for long.

"Good morning."

"Any updates?" Rick asked. Rose knew he liked to check up on how she was doing not just about Negan and it made her feel all warm, despite the mist that the whole group had made her feel that way after so long of having nobody care.

"Actually yeah! I really think I've had bit of a break through." Rick's eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Really?!" He sat down beside her, on a slant to face her. "Go on..."

"I found out his weakness... Lucille." She said seriously.

"The bat?"

"His wife." She felt guilt seeping through her from the second the revelation left her lips. The realisation on Rick's face was quite satisfactory though, she'd started to understand Negan, exactly what he had asked of her.

"What happened to her?" She thought for only a second before telling Rick everything. She wanted Rick to be able to see this other side to people that she did, especially Negan, maybe he would let him out every now and again then.

"She died just before everything... changed." She knew she needed to elaborate on this part for him. "He had already gone through a massive trauma _just_ before this. His wife died and then the dead started walking... that's just too much for anybody to comprehend."

"Plenty of us have lost people through this... it didn't make us like him." Rose shook her head to show he wasn't understanding her.

"He'd been cheating on her... found out she was dying and called it off of course but Lucille knew and he must have felt like the biggest asshole in the world. He carried on being the bad guy. I mean don't get me wrong I get the impression he's just an asshole, always has been." She shrugged. "But when Lucille died, he didn't have any weaknesses, it was almost like any barrier stopping him going from asshole to complete sociopath were gone. The fucking floodgates were open."

"No weaknesses..."

"If you hadn't had Carl..." She said quietly. "If you didn't have Judith, Michonne, Daryl, Carol, Maggie..." He nodded understanding."Most people want to make connections. Negan used people as commodity, he didn't want anybody to get close. He isn't over the death of his wife. He never got the chance to grieve, he went straight into violence and ruthlessness and having nobody."

"What about me? When Lori..."

"You were already deep into this life by then am I right?"

"Yeah..." He looked up at the sky thoughtfully and all she could hope was that he was imagining himself in Negan's position, empathy was a very powerful emotion.

They moved onto less serious topics, like the new things Judith began doing everyday and the progress of the integrating of groups.

"You can take him out..." Rick said out of nowhere.

"What?" Rose said caught off guard.

"Once a month, you're right he should get out of the cell." He looked at her with that firm expression this time. "In cuffs. When nobody's around, and you have armed people accompanying you."

"It's the right thing to do Rick." She said with a small smile.

"We'll figure something out for tomorrow." He told her standing up.

 _ **Rose found herself walking briskly over to the cell to tell Negan the good news and see if he was up to it.**_

"Hey douchebag." She called as she entered. "How's that big head of yours."

"Better." He told her stood at the bars.

"Good we're going for a walk tomorrow." She grinned.

He scoffed looking at her utterly unimpressed. "Like a dog."

"No... like..." She stuttered only for Negan to copy her, making fun of her.

"You can't think of anything to say because I'm right."

"Don't think of it like that... It's something right?"

"So all I have to look forward to for the rest of my life is... fuckin' walkies."

"Oh I shouldn't have bothered. Should just let you rot in here like everyone else, huh?" She said exasperated. She fully understood his negativity but this was a small win surely.

"What do you mean you shouldn't have bothered?" He rasped. "Did you... di... this..." He began stuttering and Rose couldn't pass up the opportunity to make fun of him right back before answering what she knew he was asking.

"Yeah.. I suggested it to Rick.. might have bugged him alittle too." The smirk which started to spread along Negan's lips made her fight away a blush she could feel starting by looking away. "Anyway you have to wear cuffs and we have to have armed guards but the way I see it that'll just feed your ego."

He laughed. "Do I have to wear a mouth guard incase I get a craving for your pretty little liver and a nice chianti."

"That movie reference is getting a little old now." She rolled her eyes. "Besides you couldn't find a good chianti if your life depended on it these days."

"That's the part of that sentence that bothered you? Darlin' ya strange in the head."

"No more than you." She told him as she left.

"Sweetheart!" She heard as she walked up the stairs, looking at the window she could see just his head. "Ya healing' up okay?" He said meaning the injury from the last run.

"All good thanks." She said before walking away, forcing herself to not look back.

 ** _Tara and Michonne stood at the top of the stairs leading to the cell early next morning while most people weren't even up._** Rose was stood behind them the keys to Negan's cell held tightly in her hand, she had never actually had the keys before and the feeling was one she didn't enjoy. In her other hand were the handcuffs Rick had given her and instructed her to put on him before unlocking the cell and only taking off after he was locked back in.

"You ready?" She asked the two other women who held their guns in front of them, Michonne's trusty sword on her back. Rose herself had just her hand gun in her belt which she hoped she wouldn't have to use. This was a big test and the apprehension in the air showed the other two women felt it too, probably even more having not spent time with him. Rose didn't think he would actually try to get away, not for any other reason than he would be in handcuffs, unarmed with no way of surviving, not to mention she knew Michonne could kick his ass.

As they followed her into the cell she put on a confident front and went straight to the gate. "Can you come up to the bars for me please?" She asked him deciding not to demand it and potentially damage the trust he must have for her by now.

He smirked. "Anythin' for you darlin'." She knew he was going to be a million times worse in the company of others, either to embarrass her or maybe another reason she hadn't caught onto yet and so she just ignored him.

She fumbled with the handcuffs, using the key to open them before reaching through the bars and grabbing Negans wrists his warm skin always a shock to her. When the cuffs were on she looked up to see him staring directly into her eyes making her breath catch as she told herself she was only human, he was a good looking guy asshole or not. She unlocked the gate and he walked towards her slowly before she grabbed the cuffs to lead him from the cell.

"Hello ladies." He grinned towards Tara and Michonne. "In any other circumstances this would be fuckin' hot." He laughed.

"Shut. up." Rose said almost begging as she looked at the women who just glared back at him unaffected, clearly she was just a bad bad person for letting him get to her.

"We're just gonna walk outside the fence today." She told him as they walked up to the front gate, the few people that saw Negan only looked away when he met there gaze. It was like he was some kind of legend, villain who everybody was scared to even look at.

Out of sight out of mind.

"Are ya sure this is a walk and I'm not being walked to my execution here girls."

"I wish." Tara muttered making Rose glare at the back of her head.

Rose heard Negan take a deep breath as they walked beyond the fence.

"Sure is nice to stretch my legs." He rolled his shoulders as she let go of his cuffs, staying close to him and looking over to Michonne and Tara who were a couple of meters either side of them as they walked.

"Do you think this will help at all?" She asked him but he just continued to look around.

"Honestly? Not enough to make any difference." He told her solemnly.

"I get it." She sighed.

"Thank you though." He looked at her from the corner of his eye and she smiled softly at him.

Rose didn't feel like she could talk to him properly with Tara and Michonne listening in and so she just let him enjoy his time out of the cell. He was squinting as he looked around and she realised it was because he wasn't used to that much daylight, she made a mental note to bring sunglasses for him next time. They came across only a couple walkers in the time that they were out, neither even had the chance to become a problem with Michonne around, Negan watched her closely and Rose couldn't make out whether he was impressed or wary.

Entering Alexandria after half an hour or so people had started to go about their day, some people avoided looking at the women surrounding Negan while others glared over at them as though they could reach him that way. She looked next to her to see Negan with his head held high and jaw set totally unwilling to let anyone else see him in a vulnerable state.

"I can take it from here." Rose told the two women.

"We'll wait here until you come out, just shout if you need us." Tara told her. "You try anything and I'll shoot you in the dick." She told Negan who looked at her his jaw open slightly before he let out a laugh.

"Jesus. That escalated, I thought we were all getting along."

"Come on." Rose told him tugging lightly on his cuffs.

"Don't wait up." He winked at the two women left stood outside of the door.

"Do you have to do that." Rose sighed.

"What, sweetheart?"

"That!" She told him as he entered his cell again turning to face her as she stood in the gap of the open gate. "The pet names and the 'don't wait up'." She imitated his voice badly.

"I'm just messin'" He shrugged. "You don't want them to get the wrong idea?"

"Of course I don't!" She huffed.

"Why?"

"I just don't."

"You don't want them to think I'm getting' to you." He smirked. She took a sharp breath in, hoping he hadn't heard and so she laughed to try and make him think he hadn't in fact got it very right. "But I am aren't I." He took a slow step towards her, he was tall without the bars between them.

"No..." Her voice was quieter than she meant it to be.

"Don't pretend you don't feel it..."

"Disgust? Yeah I feel that." Before she had even finished her sentence his hands still in cuffs cupped her face pulling her towards him and for a second she truly thought he was going to kiss her but his lips only brushed hers very lightly.

"You don't feel this..." He said in a quivering whisper. Of course she felt it, she wasn't stupid enough to try and deny something that god damn obvious, the crackling tension, the way that the tingling in her lips seemed to trickle through her entire body.

But this wasn't right.

Just as he began to push his lips onto hers she stepped back grabbing the gate and slamming it shut, locking the door, immediately letting out a breath as she looked up to see his face looking rejected.

"Hands." She said simply. For a second she didn't think he would but he lifted them so that she could reach through and unlock his handcuffs easily before turning to leave but she needed to get something off her chest. "I _know_ what you're doing Negan. I know what this is."

"It's..." He began.

"No!" She raised her voice to cut him off. "You listen to me! I'm not some idiot you can manipulate into doing your dirty work." Her voice held a passion she didn't want him to hear, not wanting him to know this had affected her. "Yes I'm probably too nice for my own good but I've been like this all my life and I know how to not to be used. Especially by a man."

"I'm not..."

"No! What did you think? That you could get me to believe you had some kind of weird crush on me and break your ass out of here? Give me some fuckin' credit!"

"That's not what it is!"

"So what... what _was_ that!" She stood with her arms crossed more than aware of her protective body language.

"I don't fuckin' know." He said leaning his head on the bars shaking it slowly. A strained laugh leaving him. "The last thing I ever fuckin' expected."

"Stop it." She was holding back tears. He was either telling the truth or a really good actor. This wasn't fair, she wanted what others had... someone to hold onto in this fucked up world. Someone to just make her feel less constantly lonely and it wasn't fair that he was trying to use her this way when in any other circumstances, if he wasn't so fucked up maybe there was something there.

"I wish I was lying!" He said in a much stronger voice this time. "I'm well aware of how this fuckin' looks."

"I have to go." She needed to get away from him, try and make this clearer in her head. Alarm bells rang in her head that she often needed to do that, get away from him so that he couldn't cloud the way she saw things. "They'll come looking for me."

"Rose..." She heard him call. "Rose..." But she just left going, kept walking right out of the door not looking either of her friends in the eye as she passed the keys to Michonne and started up the stairs throwing a "thank you" over her shoulder.

"Rose..." Tara called after her but she needed to be alone so badly, see could feel them watching her leave. She could feel another pair of eyes watching her from the window he would often look through. Everything was getting on top of her, she felt like she was on show.

All she could think about was finding some alcohol, hiding away and trying to get over what she had let happen. How could she have been so unprofessional?

She knew exactly why. Her feelings had gotten in the way, the feelings she had ignored from day one. There was only one way to fix this mess and she knew what she would tell someone else in her position to do... stop seeing him. Somebody else would have to do it and she couldn't help but wonder what his reaction would be to that.

* * *

 _ **A/N Thanks to you guys who have followed and**_ ** _favourited! I do a little internal dance every time._**

 ** _Also I always reply to reviews via inbox but I had a guest reviewer so..._**

 ** _Thank you Twistedtype! It means a lot for you to comment on my writing. Thanks so much for leaving a review they are my absolute favourite! :D I hope you've come back and enjoyed this chapter. :)_**


	7. Chapter Seven

_**Chapter Seven**_

 _ **Ten days passed.**_ Negan didn't have much to look forward to in this world but he did have one god damned thing and when that thing hadn't been to see him in _ten fucking days_ he was in the worst mood. It didn't make it any better that her visits had been replaced by Rick the prick and his woman. They always asked what he had done to make Rose refuse to see him. He always said he didn't have the slightest fuckin' idea but they still asked him and that riled him up more.

Rubbing his face with a heavy sigh he looked up at Rick. "I must just repel people. I'm the _worst._ " He tried to act nonchalant about it but of course Rick saw through it. When Rose had approached him to say she had done all she could with Negan he knew something else had happened, she wasn't the type to just give up. Especially not on something she had seemed so determined about.

"I think you'll find that's why you're in here." Rick told him. "If I found out you hurt her in anyway..." Rick started with a gruff voice.

"I wouldn't." Negan spat back at him. "No damsels need savin' here, officer. We both know she can take care of herself."

Thats's what he liked about her, that mouth and how she could keep up with him but it was her attitude that made his pants get tighter. That and probably the fact that he was having the longest dry spell of his adult male life. Hell Rick was starting to look appealing. If it was just his dick she appealed to there wouldn't be a problem but it wasn't, he liked... and Negan had damn near gagged when he had this thought... but he liked just being around her. Even when she frustrated the hell out of him. He realised how it looked. He wasn't stupid and he also knew it wouldn't be something he could do anything about. It was the very last thing he hadnt expected, to become like some spotty teenager with a crush over somebody part of the group that had caused him so many problems but here he was. Not being able to grab her and kiss her, touch her and do all the things that kept him up at night thinking about doing was killing him more than being in the cell.

Negan always got what he wanted and not being able to have it was a bitter pill to swallow.

He pushed the tray of food some woman had brought to him away from the bars. He had to get her to come in here somehow right?

 _ **"It's been three weeks, Rose."**_ Michonne said seriously.

"I know." She replied as she collected her hair into a high ponytail.

"He's hardly eaten in the last two weeks." Michonne followed her over to where she began tending to the crops.

"You came all the way over to the Kingdom to tell me that?" Rose rolled her eyes. Her idea had been to stay away from the place so that she could stay away from the temptation of going to see him. "He's such a child! He has to eat sometime." She shrugged.

"No stop." Michonne's tone turned deadly serious as she grabbed the other woman's arm to keep her from walking away. "This is getting ridiculous! I don't know what the hell happened between you two or what this is but you need to stop running away from it."

Rose was taken aback by this. "What happened was I got sick of him trying to manipulate me." She pulled her arm back. "I did what Rick asked and now I don't want to. Why is that anybody else's business?"

"Because whether you like it or not you must have gotten through to him! God knows how and maybe it is him manipulating you but if it is then you're clever enough to know that and _use it._ We have enough going on without that asshole deciding to go on some kind of hunger strike!" Michonne closed her eyes the way she always did to calm herself. "He's stressing Rick out. He's being an asshole to anyone who goes in there so people refuse and Rick ends up doing it all."

"I'm going on a run with Daryl at the end of the week... then I'll come back and carry on." Rose agreed. She hadn't thought he would have been so bothered, that he would just try again with the next person not cause everyone so much trouble.

"I'll let Rick know." Michonne nodded before walking off.

"God damn it." Rose cursed out loud kicking at the dirt.

 _ **Rose zipped up her jacket as she watched Daryl talk to Jesus.**_ She had agreed to go on this run to try and get back on Daryl's good side as she hated the way they had been and wanted it all left in the past.

"Ya ready?" He asked.

"Of course." She walked over to him tightening the straps on the backpack she had on.

"No fighting." Jesus told them his finger pointing between them.

"As long as he doesn't leave me for dead again." Okay so maybe not completely in the past. She looked at the two men's very serious faces. "Too soon?"

"Yeah..." Jesus answered for them.

"Okaaay. Well see you soon you impossiblly chizzled man." She whacked him on the shoulder before walking over to Daryl's bike.

"Good luck." He told Daryl.

"I heard that!"

"I meant you to!" He shouted across to her.

Daryl just joined her near the bike, climbing on. "Come on." He nodded and she climbed on behind him holding on for dear life as the way he rode his bike terrified her.

Despite it terrifying her it also exhilarated her and as they shot down the deserted roads she let her head fall back ever so lightly and felt free, untouchable. Her thoughts snapped to Negan never feeling that way ever again and found the anger dissipating only to be replaced with the same thing that had always kept her going back to him, pity.

 ** _They stopped just outside of the small town._** The whole point to the run was to check for any meds that might have been left behind, highly unlikely but it was a tiny town they hadn't come across before. Herself and Daryl were supposed to check for any medicine then scout out if it would be worth sending more people and a car.

"This is a cute little town. Like something out of a Christmas movie."

"Fucked up Christmas movie." Daryl grumbled as he spotted three walkers making their way out of a small park up ahead. Rose got out her knife as her and the archer approached them, one taken out by an arrow before they brought their knives down on the remaining two.

"The pharmacy's over there." She pointed over to a small hut in a row of some other small shops which she tried to see through the windows of as they walked passed but grime covered them. Daryl banged lightly on the door, enough to get any close walkers attention but not bring them all down on them if there were any. Rose watched him for the signal that meant for her to go in while he covered her and when it came she burst through, turning to check the whole room which unfortunately had been cleared of anything useful.

"Clear." She said dejectedly. "And I don't just mean walkers."

"Was worth a try." He told her as he walked into the small room a the back just incase. "Let's go check the some more places." She followed him as they searched every shop on the row and then moved onto the few small houses close enough to reach on foot.

"Someone was very thorough." She sighed as they started walking back to his bike.

"Ya got to be." Daryl replied. She was getting really sick of his abrupt answers and couldn't help but glare at the back of his messy head.

"You're still pissed at me." She said matter of factly.

"Can ya not do that?" Daryl sighed. "Let's just get out of here."

"Do what?"

"Try and talk to me about shit."

"I'm just sick of you being weird with me. I'm willing to forget it all if you are."

"Fine. Let's do that." Daryl sighed just eager to end yet another awkward conversation.

"I know you're just saying that Daryl..."

"Shush!" He interrupted fiercely. They both stood in silence as she strained to hear what he must have and then she did, those familiar groans. Daryl grabbed her forearm to lead her to the edge of the row of shops and cursed as he looked around the corner. "There's too many." He whispered before pulling her along back in the direction they came. "Quick!" He urgently pushed her ahead of him. "Around the back of the first house." She followed his orders without even thinking about it and immediately realised his plan, there was a treehouse at the end of the garden. "Up!" He told her as he shut the gate behind them.

As she set her foot down on the floor of the treehouse her stomach lurched before she realised how sturdy it was and climbed in crawling to the edge to make room for Daryl. He joined her, crouched down and shut the door that was in the floor. "We're just gonna have to wait them out. They'll pass." He told her as he sat on the opposite edge.

 _ **Four weeks had passed and he**_ ** _hadn't seen her._** No annoyingly personal questions, no glint in her eye when she knew she was being a smartass, nobody with a friendly fucking manner towards him had entered that room for four god damn weeks. He had eaten the day before deciding not eating anything was pretty fuckin' stupid of him.

It didn't make sense. Sure she thought he was trying to manipulate her but that still didn't explain her staying away for this long, not Rose she was a fuckin' angel.

"Ya gonna eat this or ya still full from yesterday?" A tired voice asked him. He looked up to see Rick stood there looking bored.

"Where's Rose?"

"She ain't here. Same as every other time you ask me that."

"Is... is she okay?" That was the first time he had elaborated on asking where she was and Rick's bored expression turned into one of intrigue.

"You care about her..." Rick stated. Negan regretted saying it, he didn't want them to know that because he knew she wouldn't want that.

"Nah... aint a guy allowed to ask about the one person who seems to care if he rots and dies alone? She's a sweetheart."

"She sure is." Rick smirked. Negan bit his lip hard never being able to get rid of the urge to knock that smirk off his stupid sweaty face. "Last I heard she was goin' on a run with Daryl then heading back here."

"She's gone with that fuckin' idiot after the last time!" Negan all but shouted standing up.

"She can take care of herself." Rick told him calmly.

"When did they go?!"

"Yesterday mornin'" Rick took in the look on Negans face, he actually looked panicked.

"You don't keep track of your people Rick?!" Negan growled. "She could be dead somewhere!" He roared. The way he went from nought to one hundred so quickly reminded him of how he had been before Rose began her talks with him.

"Or she could be on her way here." He told him standing with his hand in his hip.

"You better fuckin' pray that's the case." Negan said dangerously.

Rick just laughed at him. "Why? What ya gonna do about it?" He knew he shouldn't push him when he was so clearly unstable but he wanted to see what affect she'd had on him for himself.

A loud roar ripped from Negan as he launched himself at the bars shouting her name in desperation. This man was so close to loosing it. That was if he hadn't already.

"ROSE!" He rattled the bars.

"ROSE!" He continued to throw his body weight into the gate.

Rick simple watched as the man he had was considered dangerous broke down like a child and he backed away with a small sense of accomplishment that he would never share with anybody.

 _"There's only a few left. We can take em." Daryl told her as he looked out of the small window. They had only been in there just over two hours but two hours was a long time for nothing to be said. Eveytime she thought of something it died in her throat at the thought of his hostile reaction to everything she'd said so far._

Daryl climbed down first and steadied her with a gentle hand on her back as she slipped from the last rung of the ladder. She nodded her thanks and they made their way back to his bike as a team, watching each other's backs and fighting the roamers. It was strange but it was the first time she had felt like they used to, real friends again and as she climbed onto the back of his bike this time it was feeling alittle lighter than before.

"Take me home?" She asked him.

"Of course." He told her knowing what she meant. "Ya the best person I know, Rose. Ya know that right?" He told her quietly, still looking ahead. Her heart clenched at the gesture. She had once said the exact same thing to him not long after she had started to get to know him, right when she spotted that undeniable goodness in Daryl Dixon. Unfortunately at the same time she had also recognized the broken parts of him and so had never let herself even imagine a world where Daryl would be stable enough to have a relationship with someone past friendship.

"You know who that is for me." She told him trying not to tear up from the relief of their problems having ended. She squeezed her arms that were around his waist alittle tighter just before he started the engine.

 **She got back to Alexandria in the afternoon and wished Daryl a safe journey back to the kingdom or where ever he was headed.** Without even a glance to _that_ _place_ where _he_ was she went to her house with the intention of a shower and a well deserved very early night.

Nobody saw her until late the next morning when she went to spend the morning with Gabriel.

That was how she ended up at the top of the stairs to the cell hearing her name being screamed along with the loud banging. She stood in shock like that wondering what in hell she had done until Rick stopped at the bottom of the stairs in shock. A slightly ashamed look in his eye.


	8. Chapter Eight

_**Chapter Eight**_

Rick didnt say a thing as he walked up the stairs and grabbed her wrist to pull her away.

"He thinks your dead." He told her seriously.

"Why the hell would he think that?" She said with an accusing tone.

"I just told him you'd gone on a run with Daryl yesterday. That's all..."

"And he jumped to that conclusion by himself?!" She exclaimed.

"He ain't exactly stable. Especially since you left. Whatever happened I think he cares about you in some weird way." This shocked Rose, for somebody else to tell her that felt that a slap to the face. _It can't be true. Can it?_ "I know this is a lot to ask but I need you to use that. He's calmer when you're visiting him and it makes everyone's lives easier."

"Okay, okay." She rolled her eyes at the fact that he was still trying to convince her after Michonne already had. "I'm gonna go and try to get him to shut up." She shook her head annoyed at the thought that nobody else could just have talked to him one to one.

Rose stormed into the cell her light eyes flashing and the usual soft curvitures of her face sharper. Her first glimpse of Negan was him knelt with his head bowed and his hands on the ground almost as if he was praying. The sounds of anger and hopelessness coming from him told her otherwise.

"What the actual fuck was all that noise I heard coming from here!" She snapped like an angry Mother.

Negans head shot up, his eyes wide as he took her in. "Rose..." he said quietly.

The silence that dragged between them wasn't an empty one as their eyes told each other everything. Negan could see anger in Rose again and she could see the same in him, the frustration building and building until someone said something.

"I thought you were..." Negans voice was had a soft edge to it.

"Dead?" Rose finished for him. "Well I'm not. Clearly."

"Clearly." He breathes with a small smile which soon fell. "Where were you?!"

"You know why I stopped coming, Negan." She said calmly.

"Jesus, Rose. Have you _any_ idea how this has been for me?!"

"I duno why don't you explain how it feels when the only chance of you getting out see's right through your shitty plan!"

"It wasn't a plan!" He barked before taking a deep breath as if to calm himself, he hands still squeezing the bars tight. "You're so damn stubborn." He laughed quietly and the way he went from anger to laughing so quickly was a big sign of how unstable he was. "None of it was a plan. Trust me if that was my plan I'd have gone for someone else... not you." He glared at her as though he resented her for making him have the feelings he said he did.

Rose just stood there silently, studying him and once again finding it hard to figure out if he was an extremely good actor or simply just telling the truth. Each possibility was as terrifying as the other.

"Look Rose. I get it. Don't believe me and I promise I won't ever bring it up again." He looked at her with pleading eyes this time and it hit her right in the heart. "Just please don't leave me again."

"What? She whispered having not expected that.

"Please..." He grinded his teeth. "Don't leave me _alone_ again."

"W...why not?"

"I can't do this without you!" He snapped. "You see me as a person not just _Negan._ You talk to me without waiting for something to happen and I become Mr fucking Saved by Jesus or some shit."

"Okay." She she shrugged. "If I actually make a difference."

"More than you'll ever know, darlin'." He sighed heavily. "If I'm in this god damn place for however long... I don't even wanna fuckin' imagine how long... then I need you."

"Okay." She said softly. "I shouldn't have just stopped coming like that. I'm sorry." She had taken away the one little bit of real company he had, the one person he had seen fight for him as a human being and he must have felt so helpless. So alone.

"Ahh I understand fuckin why, Princess." He batted his hand in her direction. "You're fuckin' smart. I know it looked bad." He slipped his feet from underneath him and dropped onto the floor looking sad and Rose despite knowing she shouldn't walked right up to the bars. She sat down right in front of him, only the bars separating them and reached through. Negan looked at her outstretched hand then back to her face, studying her with shock.

"I'm not gonna keep it there for long." She laughed lightly trying to break the tension. His large hand wrapped around hers tightly and squeezed, almost enough to be painful but not quite and she understood what this must mean for him so she didn't say anything. Even when his forehead lowered onto the back of the hand he held.

"The silence..." Negan said quietly. "It's too loud when you're not here."

Rose squeeezed her eyes shut with the hope that it would stop them watering, the last thing he wanted was pity. She wouldn't give it to him. Instead she slowly inched her hand into the cell as if it was a Lion inside and laid her hand on the back of his head.

They sat like that in silence everything going calm and quiet until he lifted his head, meeting her gaze. She wanted to believe everything he said about her even though she knew how fucked up that was she couldn't help it, he was right there was _something._ She knew anybody else would think she was crazy to have any kind of feelings for this monster but that was the problem... she didn't see him as a monster. She saw him as a man who didn't get to grieve for his wife, who never forgave himself for how he treated her and had to adapt to a very extreme set of circumstances in the mean time.

Rose had accepted that she had these feeling but still kept them locked away never to be let out.

After making some laughing comment about her ass going numb she pulled her hand away from his and through the bars, standing up.

"I'll be back later with some food."

"Yeah... okay." He told her and she knew from his voice that he was in that frame of mind where he needed somebody with him. Somebody to drag him out of himself.

"I won't be long okay."

Negan held on to that and the silence no longer hurt him as much.

 _ **|| A/N PLEASE READ -** **Hey guys! Hope you're enjoying so far and once again thank you to those who have favorited and followed and reviewed!**_

 _ **I'm massively writing this story because I'm enjoying it but to have people enjoy it with me means a lot!**_

 _ **I don't know if anyone will reply to this... I hope you do as I'd really like some feedback on where you would want this to go next? I don't want to drag it out too much so I was thinking of jumping to the beginning of series 9 for the next chapter! I obviously won't follow the story line exactly but the major things I'm really looking forward to seeing how Rose reacts to! Especially that mid season ending! ;**_

 _ **So**_

 _ **Many**_

 _ **IDEEASSSS!**_

 _ **Anyway I'd really appreciate hearing whether you guys think that would be good or if you'd like to have a few more chapter where I gradually pass the time?**_

 _ **THANKS FOR READING x writebythemoon**_


	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

 ** _She was Rose._**

 _His Rose._

And he was the god damned weeds that would taint and poison every inch until there was nothing left. He knew that but it wouldn't stop him from dragging her down if that's what it took. He couldn't do this alone, she was the sun that gave him life and he was the poison that took it away. Negan was well aware of how much of a fucking psychopath that made him sound but he didn't care about that either, he only cared that she kept coming and she did. He'd been in that fucking cell for a _year_ and for the best part of that she had been there , everyday when she could and those times when she would be too busy were hell to him.

Partly for selfish reasons and partly because he was terrified of her getting hurt.

"Happy one year, Negan." She stood there with that cheeky grin on her face and if she was anybody else he wouldn't have thought twice about throwing his shit through the bars at anybody who would say that.

"You're gonna get it. One of these days angel you're gonna regret bein' so god damned cocky."

"Oh I dunno..." She shrugged one shoulder making her hair fall into her face so that she had to sweep it behind her ear. "Have you regretted it yet? Being cocky."

"Fuck no." He laughed.

Her face went serious all of a sudden and he knew she was going into psych mode. "Are you okay?"

"Honestly?"

"Always."

"I don't even fuckin' know." He told her but she noticed the slight lift of his top lip, like a snarl and knew that if she was anybody else he would be giving them all kinds of hell.

"Do you wanna go out?" She had pity in her eyes and Negan felt that shit deep down, it snapped something in him that he had been holding back for her.

"Why so that you can feel like you've done your good deed for the day?" He snapped.

"No Negan." Rose sighed so used to him by now and having had expected it today. To him it was the day that marked a whole year in captivity but for her it was the day that marked that he'd lasted the year. She was almost proud of his mental strength so far.

"Fuck off." Negan huffed annoyed that she saw straight through him, that he couldn't get under her skin. "I'm not in the mood to be you're fucking lab rat today, kay?"

"Okay." She shrugged as she went to grab her usual chair which she had been bringing gradually closer and closer each time until she ended up right next to the bars. Negan got a good view of her ass in her tight jeans as she did and he almost groaned at the thought of touching her. For a long time he thought it was just because of how long it had been but a few other women had been in to bring him food and shit and sure he liked the look but none made him feel like Rose did. His eyes dragged up her body, her strong thighs from all the manual labour he knew she helped out with in the day and the amount of walking and running that this life meant. He knew she had nice hips and a little waist that he could grab from the tight vest tops she wore but today she had on a baggy top. It looked like a mans t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up...

"Is that a mans t-shirt?" He didn't even recognise the growl that came out of his mouth.

Rose paled.

"It's... I just liked it." She pulled it out to show him that it was a fleetwood mac band tee as though it explained everything she wanted to say.

"Do you have a fucking boyfriend, _Rose_?" He asked her sitting up with his head tilted in the way it did when he asked a question.

"Is that any of your business, _Negan?_ " He let out a short laugh at the way she never backed down.

"Well you see, Rosie... whether you want to fuckin' believe it or not I have some warm fuzzy feelin's towards you and the thought of you leavin' here and goin to another mans bed while I... _rot."_ He spat the last word, pure rage taking over. "It makes me a little... mother fuckin' _angry!"_

Rose stared at him, wide eyed. Of course she didn't have a boyfriend but the way Negan was reacting to the thought of her having one set off all those handy little warning lights in her brain.

"I don't go to anybodies bed, Negan." She kept her voice calm having learned that getting angry back at him was the worst thing you could do. She wanted to tell him that it really wasn't any of his business but again she knew that some things were better left unsaid when it came to him, he was an intelligent man. He knew himself it was none of his business.

"Is it Daryl?" He had stood up somewhere inbetween his first outburst and was now stood at the bars, towering over her and she stayed seated letting him have the dominance he always so desperately needed.

"There's nobody."

"Tell me it's not Rick." He pushed his head into the bars. "FUCK!" He roared and this time she did jump. "Now I can't get the image of you and Rick's weird sweaty body out of my fuckin' head. GOD DAMN!"

"What the fuck." Rose said under her breath as she watched his face twist up as though in discomfort. "Negan, Stop!!" Raising her voice alittle got his attention and he looked down at her. The fact that he had gotten this worked up over a t-shirt, the worst he'd been in a while shocked her and the onsurdity of the situation wasn't lost on her. "Me and Rick? That's fucking disgusting." It wasn't that she found him unattractive, more like there had been an inherent feel of family ever since she first met him.

"I bet it's that fuckin' piece of shit red neck ain't it. Bet he loves you comin home, tellin' him all about the shit I tell you."

"Daryl won't even live in the same place as you never mind want to talk about you."

"Good you deserve fuckin' better, ya hear me?!" He pointed at her while looking right into her eyes.

"What like a machotistic, borderline psychopath?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Hell yeah! That's what ya need in this world, angel. With a big ole dick!" His countenance snapped right back to a cocky, jokey one and she could only try and stop herself being left behind. He was tiring.

"I suppose I'm lucky enough to have one right in front of me?"

"How'd ya fuckin' guess?" He smirked.

"Well it's either very big or ridiculously tiny and the way you act is you trying to assert your masculinity because your penis doesn't."

"My _penis,_ darlin' is more than you could handle."

"Of course it is, Negan." She sighed with a roll of her eyes praying he wouldnt notice the colour in her cheeks and the slightly laboured breathing. He just stood there looking over her, his dark gaze making her have to look away.

"Look at me." He rasped starting to reach through the bars before stopping himself, realizing he wouldn't reach her face anyway it was just that sometimes he forget about those bars.

She looked up, her light eyes never staying connected to his for longer than a few seconds, he was blinding to her.

"You're fucking beautiful. Do ya know that?" The sincerity in his voice was too much and she had to look away, make a joke, anything to distract from the metaphorical sparks flying all over the place.

"I've been told I was he prettiest girl in all of Senioa." She grinned at the deep laugh that came from him bouncing playfully around the room.

"Fuckin' Senioa?!" He shook his head. "That's one hell of a compliment I mean how many girls were in your town, like 20?" He continued laughed.

"Fuck you." She laughed with him.

They continued that way for a while before Rose realised she'd been there longer than planned. Something which happened more often than she would admit to herself.

 **Rose knew Negan had issues. She also knew that being in that cell for nearly a year and half would not have helped said issues, so when she entered the room holding the cell to hear his grunts and outbursts of "stop!" She knew he was having a bad nightmare.**

Rick had given her the keys to the cell a few days earlier as he was leaving for a while, still working on a united front that Rose didn't think would ever work. She rushed to the bars to see him kicking his legs whilst the rest of him was stiff and without even thinking about it she opened the gate and walked straight over to him.

"Negan!" She said calmly grabbing his hand and shaking him alittle. "Negan..."

His eyes shot open and before he could even acknowledge who she was he had grabbed her by the throat and smashed her into the brick wall beside his cot, her head connecting harshly.

"Negan!" Her voice was panicked once she had gotten over the initial shock of what was happening.

His grip hadn't eased off her throat as he continued to watch with wide fierce eyes as she struggled to loosen his hand. All at once he let out a suprised shout and his hand left her throat letting her fall to the ground in a heap.

"Rose!" He knelt down straight away to check on her, she just stared back at him looking relieved.

"What the fuck.." she gasped out her shaking hands going to her throat.

"I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay... you didn't mean to... I hope..." her words were lost when she noticed the open gate before she looked back to him warily. Shit! She had just rushed in not thinking clearly and now she was going to be accountable for the man getting free. He looked over to where she had been looking to see the gate open.

Freedom.

His eyes shot back to Rose and they just watched one another both knowing that he could easily overpower her and get himself out. Sure she had a knife on her hip but there was no way she could get to it before he stopped her.

"Are you okay?" He asked, surprising her.

"Yes." She said quietly. Rose watched his hand come slowly towards her face with trepidation wondering what he was going to do. The gentle way his large hand held her face made her want to melt and if the situation wasn't one which could go so badly wrong she would have.

"Go on..." He almost whispered, his deep voice making the panic in her subside. "You don't belong in here, angel."

To say Rose was shocked would be an understatement. She had known this man for a year and a half now and as much as she hoped that they had a good relationship she was still very aware that he was a prisoner. Not just any prisoner. A prisoner who was known to do whatever it takes to get what he wanted, no matter who he hurt in the process.

What he wanted was his freedom and here he was ignoring the chance to get out because of her stupid mistake.

"Don't look so shocked." He laughed sadly. "Go on you need to get looked at." He pulled her up and steadied her with his hands on her waist, something which he had wanted to feel for so long. His large hand squeezed her gently at the thought.

"Why?" She said on a shaky breath.

"You know why." The grin he sent her way was one she hadn't seen before, one which wasn't all cocky bravado but one which held sadness. He didn't want her to get into trouble. He wasn't going to use her lack of judgment to escape and the realisation brought tears to her eyes.

This time her hand was the one to reach his face, his eyes closing with the gentle touch. Lacking yet more judgment she wrapped her arms around his waist, her head resting on his chest and squeezed. His arms followed and the two stood there in an embrace, one that meant more to Negan than she would ever realise.

He couldn't remember the last time he had been held. Rose would leave eventually, softly closing the gate behind her and locking it with a heavy heart but for the time being they both enjoyed what they had been craving for far too long.

Standing in a cold, dark cell like weeds wrapped around a Rose they each had found their very own sunlight.

 ** _a/n - Firstly as always thank you so much to you guys who have recently followed and favorited!_**

 ** _As for the Guest reviewer BloodyHell - Thank you so much for your review! The fact that you're loving the story is amazing! :D_**

 ** _Thank you to the two people who answered my last a/n it was great to see what you guys would like and I went with just one more chapter to gain some more development. I hope you enjoyed it!_**

 ** _Next up we're at Season 9! Yaaaaass!_**


	10. Chapter Ten

_**"We deserve to live in peace. Negan and the saviours tried to take that away from us. Alexandria and the hilltop, The Kingdom and Oceanside came together to fight for a better future. We won. Not without painful loses and today we try to heal, to forgive... now the work really begins. The new worlds begins."** -Rick Grimes._

 _ **Chapter Ten**_

"Im not dying for a fucking canoe!" Rose grumbled at Daryl who was stood across from her holding the other end. She received one of his very rare laughs as he shook his hair out of his face.

"I won't let ya die." He assured her. "C'mon."

"If this glass goes theres not a whole lot you could do." She shrugged gesturing to the glass floor they were stood on, too many walkers to count milling around on the floor below just waiting for dinner. Of course the museum they went on a run to had a glass floor, it just went with the rest of her awful day which had started with stubbing her toe. Sure in the grand scheme of things that seems rather minuscule but straight after that she had a very moody Negan telling her they were going on a "useless run" and then continuing to act like a child and tell the woman she "must have a god damned death wish" until she left. What annoyed her the most about that was the fact that he had a habit of being right about these things. More recently Rose had Maggie completely ignore her and give nothing but dirty looks since she found out what Rick had asked her to do. Then there had been the single worst walker she had ever seen, the decayed body of a man with spiders crawling out of his face. It had been a long time since she had ran away from a walker but it was more the spider she ran away from, causing the surrounding people to laugh hysterically at her. Rose wasn't as amused and still felt like the bastards were crawling on her.

So by this point she was just in a shitty mood and after the glass had already started to crack... here they still were, asking for trouble. Walking as slow and steady as she could, keeping to the metal beams she held her breath until they were on solid ground. As she got to it she felt Rick's grip on her arm, pulling her back and helping to lift as he watched the glass part of the floor with panic.

"It's goin' down!" He shouted and Daryl dived into solid ground beside Rose as they watched the floor fall from beneath Ezekiel.

Organised chaos began as it always did when one of the group was in danger. Rose getting behind Rick to help him hold the rope praying it wouldnt be cut by the sharp edges of the hole he had gone through.

Daryl stood as selfless as ever by the edge ready to shoot any walkers who might get too close as Carol put something down for Ezekiel to be able to grab on to. All Rose could concentrate on was the feel of the rope cutting at herbpalms and the anger that they couldn't have just left with the fucking seeds and not risked anybodies life. Rose used this to keep pulling until the man who named himself a King had pulled himself to safety and was wrapped in the arms of the woman he loved.

Watching them made her chest ache with the lonliness that she just kept buried, knowing it wasn't important these days. She missed someone needing her.

Rick had collapsed onto the floor from the strain of taking so much weight which Rose thought was very "Rick" of him.

"Hope your fuckin' seeds are worth it." Rose sighed earning quite a few annoyed looks.

"Don't forget about the canoe." Daryl added breathlessly making her snigger quietly to herself.

Rose loved riding. Something she couldn't say around Negan but none the less true. It was one of the many hobbies she tried out as a child and the only one she had enjoyed, it was one of the parts of this world she liked. One of the parts she didn't like though was how hard it was to get from one place to another, things happened like bridges collapsing. Yet another reason she should have stayed in bed that morning.

"Rose and Gabriel, y'all can head to Alexandria from here. The rest of us can go to the sanctuary or hilltop. Stay the night and head on from there." Rick decided.

"I can come with you guys." She told him, wanting to be there incase anything happened.

"We'll be okay, Rose." He smiled gently at her. "Take care. And get home safe."

* * *

 ** _"I noticed how Maggie was towards you." Gabriel told Rose as they approached Alexandria._**

"Oh you mean down right ignoring me then giving me the dirtiest looks I've ever received. Yeah I noticed too." Rose sighed, well and truly over people treating her that way because she was now a villain thanks to her connection to Negan.

"How does that make you feel?" Rose snorted.

"Isn't that my line?" She asked the man.

"I suppose but who ever asks _you_ how you are?" He asked her still facing forward with that all knowing look on his face.

"Honestly... it makes me feel like shit. I really care about her and I did about Glenn too. I'd have swapped places with Glenn in a heartbeat so he could have seen his baby born." Rose shook her head as she looked up at the sky getting teary. It was true, nobody would have really cared if she'd been killed that night instead of Glenn.

"That's quite a statement." Gabriel told her knowing exactly what she meant as he had felt the same way for so long. "You're just as valuable as everyone else."

"You have to say that." Rose laughed. "We both know nobody would have _really_ missed me. It'd have been sad but I wouldn't have been a real _loss_ to anyone."

"What about Negan?" Something he said so calmly set Rose' heart racing.

"What about him?"

"Well I'm sure you'd be a real loss to him. I really admire what you're doing for him, you've really made an impression on him. I go to talk to him every now and again to offer any... religious help he may need. He doesn't want to talk about Jesus or any god at all. Just you."

"What does he say?" She asked because she wanted to know how he acted towards other people but mostly she wanted to know for herself.

"That you're an angel." Her heart squeezed and she couldn't help the tight smile on her lips. "It's okay to not hate him you know." Rose just looked over at him. "You show a kindness not many can give over so easily. Its refreshing in this world, I've always told you that." And he had. He was the first person to point out her good natured countenance.

"Thanks, Gabe." She grinned over at him. "At least I know one person wont hate me for being his friend."

"I'm just glad he has one." He smiled back.

As they approached the gates the few Alexandrians who had come back with them dispersed as did Gabriel and so Rose found herself stood near the building she knew rather well. The one that she knew he was in, sat there all alone, it was only fair she let him know she was home safe.

As she walked down into the cell she heard voices and stopped half way down the stairs.

"You're fuckin' pathetic." It was Negan's voice in a nasty tone Rose wasn't used to.

"You're a horrible man! I don't know why Rose bothers with you!" The voice she recognised as Nora's replied. She was one of the poor souls left in charge of Negan whenever Rose had somewhere else to be.

"Well thank fuck she does. I'd have caved my own head in by now if you fucktards were my only connection to the world."

"I don't enjoy coming in here you know." Nora's voice was quiet and Rose silently willed the woman to call him something just as horrible.

"Oh come on." He sneered. "Not like you have anywhere else to be right? I'm not having that you have a hot date. I know it's slim fuckin' pickings out there but the actual librarian look ain't screamin' fuck me to no man!"

"Negan!" She shouted, having heard enough she had marched into the room looking furious.

"Oh shit. Now I'm in trouble." He said chuckling.

"You say sorry to Nora!"

"Exfuckin'scuse me?" He asked her stalking towards the bars.

"You heard me." She said suddenly feeling a lot less confident and waiting for him to embarrass her.

"Why the fuck would I do that? I'm just messin', right _Nora_?"

Nora looked over to Rose uncomfortably. "It's fine, Rose. I appreciate it but I just want to leave now."

"Nora he said awful things to you, you deserve an apology!"

She just looked at Rose as if she was crazy. "It's Negan. It's not exactly a surprise, it's how he's always been. I'm used to it by now."

The statement hit Rose so hard she lost all arguments she thought she had. He had never been like that with her so why was he so awful to everyone else, sure she knew he wasn't exactly Mr sociable but she never thought he'd be so horrible to people just trying to help. Same as her.

"I'll see you later, Rose." Nora told her on her way past, quietening her voice to say, "thank god you're back."

She only dared look at Negan once she knew Nora had gone and saw him standing there grinning at her with a mischievous look in his eyes. "How was the run, angel?"

"Why were you being so horrible to her?!" She was still furious. "There was absolutely no need."

He just shrugged looking like a rebellious teenager and all she could think about was sending Negan to his bedroom... or hers.

"Are you like that with everyone who comes in here?"

"Except my angel." He smiled.

"Why do you treat people like that? No wonder everyone thinks I'm crazy saying you're actually kinda nice!"

"You been tellin' people I'm nice?! Fuckin' don't, you'll ruin my reputation." He laughed. "I'm nice to you. No one else fuckin' deserves me to be nice."

"Oh I'm so honored." She said sarcastically.

"You're welcome."

"Oh shut up!" She spat.

"What is it? Is it cos you're bored? You just like messin' with people as you called it?" She asked grabbing her usual chair and sitting down with a groan.

"Maybe." He shrugged. "You okay?" He looked her over and she got the same shivers she always did.

"Yeah. Fine." She grumbled.

"Ya don't sound it. C'mere and sit on Daddy's knee... tell me all about it."

Rose felt herself soften just at the tone of his voice, the bad half of the day melted away. "You're sick."

"And you're in a fuckin' bad mood. Considering you didn't shit in a bucket this morning you're already having a better day than me."

She scrunched up her nose at him. "I know. I shouldn't be moody I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise, sweetheart. We all have them days."

She just nodded not wanting to tell him why she wasn't in a great mood seeing as her circumstances were always better than his.

"C'mon. Tell me... I don't get much entertainment."

"Fine..." she sighed, leaning forward onto her knees and deciding she would leave out the fact that she had stubbed her toe she began. "So this museum. First off I'm getting so much shit for coming here talking to you everyday... like people I thought were really good friends just cutting me out and I don't get it! I mean I get why they hate you... any way then there was the most fucking awful walker." She shivered. "Spiders! One the size of my actual hand crawled out of this bastards head!"

"Ya scared of spiders?" He laughed. "You'd think you'd have outgrown irrational fears once the dead started walking."

"Yeah... well I haven't okay so I ran away!"

"Ya ran away!" He was really laughing now just like everyone else had but his laughter didn't make her angry.

"Yeah... and everyone laughed just like you."

"Oh I miss runs." He lowered himself onto his stool. "Sure the worlds fuckin' awful but every now and then someone would do some stupid shit and it'd be funny as hell."

"I can imagine you being in your element." She laughed.

"Tell me some more." He said watching her.

"You know when you just know something's a stupid idea?"

"Yeah..."

"Well we apparently needed this really heavy piece of equipment so badly that we risked dragging it across a glass floor."

"Are you shittin' me?!" He said with a raised voice.

"I wish I was."

"How the fuck your group has survived this long under Ricks leadership I'll never know."

"Shut up." She rolled her eyes. "So it cracked of course." The look on Negans face was one of anger and concern, his brown creased and his mouth turned tight as he watched her. "Somebody ended up hanging there like a piñata."

"Wasn't you?"

She just shook her head. "Nobody died by some miracle but I dunno... I kinda think it was stupid to risk someone like that even after the glass had cracked."

"I agree." He nodded. "Fuck, Rose." He rasped quietly. "Every time you go out it fuckin' kills me I ain't there to look after you."

All her breath left her in a shaky gasp as her chest clenched tightly and she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Negan." She whispered. That was all she had wanted for so long, somebody to care about her so much and for her to care about them the same way. The way Rick and Michonne had each other's backs no matter what.

"I can take care of myself." She told him the same thing she had always told herself whenever she craved that connection.

"I've no doubt about that." He laughed. "But I know I'd keep you safer than any of them."

She was sat clenching and unclenching her hands were the rope had grazed her palms. "I'm fine." Rose lied.

"I know." Negan pretended not to know she was lying.

 ** _A/N_**

 ** _The last chapter was one of the favourites I have wrote and I got quite a good amount of follows and favourites! I'm so happy, so thank you to anyone who has joined me and those continuing to read._**

 ** _Massive thank you to the three reviewers for the last chapter,_** Eruditeamber Lady Fin-we xlDarkstarlx! Every single one made me smile so much and I will reply also to you all via PM. :)

 ** _I hope any readers had an amazing Christmas or whatever you celebrate! I'm already half way through the next chapter so it won't be long!_**


	11. Chapter Eleven

_**Chapter Eleven**_

 _ **"Rose... what have you done?"**_ Rick's voice made the seriousness of the situation sink in all at once, even through the radio.

"I had to." She replied.

 _"Have you any idea how dangerous what you did was? How wrong it could have gone?"_

"Yes." She said simply.

 _"Then why did you do it?!"_ She winced at how angry he sounded.

"I had to." She shrugged despite him not being able to see her.

 _"We'll talk about this when I get home."_

"Yes, Dad." She sneered thrusting the radio back at Michonne. "I wouldn't change it." She told the woman before storming off.

* * *

 _24 hours earlier_

* * *

 _ **"Rose!"**_ She heard her voice being shouted just as she was about to leave out of the gate. It had been just over a month since the re-building of the bridge had begun and progress was a little slow so she had decided to see how she could help. Turning she saw one of the younger men who sometimes helped with Negan, Eddie running towards her.

"What's up?"

"It's Negan."

"Of course..." She sighed. "What has he done?"

"You know how theres a bad bug goin' round?" He asked making Rose nod. "I think he's got it. I don't know what to do... Rick's out like always right now and Michonne's at Hilltop."

"Shit..." her shoulders dropped at the prospect of an ill Negan, what the hell was she supposed to do with one of those? "C'mon." She stared to walk back into Alexandria, towards where Negan was, with Eddie following. "Has he been vomiting?"

"Yeah..." Eddie sighed with a look of disgust. "Its seriously disgusting, man. I didn't sign up for that shit you know?!"

"I know." She sighed but all she could think about was poor Negan stuck in that cell so ill.

The smell hit her straight away, it was the unmistakeable scent of illness but in no way she'd ever smelt before and as she entered to see him all but collapsed over a bucket, dry heaving she couldn't help but panic.

"Negan!" She shouted. "Are you okay?" He just lifted his head with a look which made her imagine him saying 'are you fuckin' kiddin' me right now, princess?' in his mind.

"How long has he been like this?" She quickly asked Eddie.

"Shit.. I dunno. He was like this when I came in here this mornin'." She knew that must have meant he'd been like this at least four or five hours.

"Have you given him any water or anything?" She watched incredulously as the young man shook his head and majorly had to bite her tongue to stop her telling him how much of an idiot she thought he was.

What the hell was she supposed to do!? She couldn't keep him in here with no fresh air, no access to a toilet, a dirty floor and a bucket, it just wasn't right but where could she put him?!

"Fuck it." She said. "Give me the keys."

"Wh..what?"

"You heard me." Rose looked him dead in the eyes not backing down. "Give me the damn keys!"

"I can't. Rick said not to give them to anybody except Michonne..."

That shocked her and angered her in equal measures. Did Rick not trust her?

"Look at him!" She spat. "I couldn't give two fucks what Rick says he is not staying in that cell like this!"

"I can't..."

"If you don't give me those keys I will shove my foot so far up your god damn ass that you..."

"Woah woah woah... Rose there's no need for threats." Rose noticed his hand go to the gun on his hip. "I can't give you these keys. You can't let him out!" The young man looked so scared that Rose almost felt sorry for him, she understood, she really did that all this boy knew of Negan was the horrific things he had done.

"Take your hand off of your gun, Eddie." She said calmer now. "This is getting ridiculous. Just give me the keys so I can take him to the infirmary. That's where he needs to be... he's sick. I'll be careful." She stared at him hoping she was giving him her most trustworthy look. He seemed to be calming down and thinking about her requests when a banging from the bars next to them made them both jump, Negan had crashed into them exhaustedly.

"If you lay..." Negan's voice was weak but still rough enough to hold power which amazed her. "...one finger on her fuckin' head I swear to god one day I will make you regret ever leavin' your mama's pussy."

If Rose had thought Eddie had looked frightened before he now looked utterly terrified and her, too shocked at the effect Negan could still have on people even just through stories they had heard about him just stood there wide eyed and slack jawed.

"Okay but you better tell Rick it wasn't my fault." Eddie held his hands up with the keys hanging from one of his fingers which Rose snatched from him, quickly turning to unlock the gate. Later when everything was calmer she would realise that she hadn't thought twice about unlocking it, scooping her arm around his waist and helping him out and into the street with no handcuffs or back up.

Shocked by how light he felt she didn't struggle too much to get him there but was still out of breath by the time she helped him onto the random bed in the infirmary. He instantly laid down on it sighing loudly.

Grabbing the bag she still had on her back from nearly heading out she pulled out her water bottle, grabbed a couple of pillows and stood next to his bed.

"I know you're tired but I need you to drink this okay?" She said softly as she lifted him to push the comfy pillows underneath him, making him moan at the comfort he hadn't had in so long. He took the water and sipped it before relaxing back into the bed with a moan.

"You really are a fuckin' angel." He told her quietly.

"And you really are the devil." She laughed. "Did you see poor Eddie's face?"

"Served him fuckin' right..." He took a deep breath to fight away the nausea. "Even just for the thought of hurtin' you." Rose's heart squeezed at the sentiment, that he would care that much when he was so sick.

"How are you feeling?" She asked grabbing a cloth from the cabinet next to her and wetting it before lifting it to his forehead. His head leaned into the touch even though it was just a cloth, his eyes were heavy but still watching her with a look that Rose had seen many times before. A look that kept her questioning her sanity.

"Better now... thank you."

Rose shrugged. "It's nothing."

"No... it isn't." He sounded drowsy and she desperately hoped it was just exhaustion from the illness as she was not equipped to deal with anything else. "Sip a little more of this for me, okay." She told him as she passed him the bottle. After quickly checking his temperature which was higher than normal but nothing alarming she sat beside him quietly letting him sleep.

She knew it wouldn't be long until somebody came along disturbing their peace but until then she just sat alternating between watching him, feeling creepy about it and then looking out of the window. Every now and again patting his face down with the cold cloth to which he would push his face towards, she even stroked his head very gently the way she always liked when she was sick. He would make little sighing noises when she did certain things like stroke his head and it made it harder and harder to be able to connect this man with the one who did the crimes he was paying for now.

But she would always remember that it was he same man. How could she not?

 _ **Sure enough their peace was ruined as Siddiq entered the room followed by Eddie to see the prisoner and Rose both asleep.**_ Rose still sat in the chair beside his bed only awakened by the loud clearing of the medics throat.

"Oh my god!" She cried as she jumped, Negan beside her groggily sitting up looking for what had made her cry out. "It's fine, lie down." She told him.

"Rose..." Siddiq said to Rose, warily watching Negan. "Can I talk to you? Eddie watch him."

"Oh don't leave me with Eddie..." Negan moaned only to stop whatever he was going to say with one pointed look from Rose.

"What do you think you're doing?!" He snapped at the woman once she had joined him out of the room.

"What do you mean?" Rose chose to act oblivious.

"Rick sends me back here because there's a bug going around... I get to the infirmary and Eddie's stood outside a nervous wreck saying you and Negan bullied him into giving you the keys!"

"That little shit..." She said through gritted teeth. "You're a doctor right... I honestly think you'd have done the same, I couldn't leave him in there! He has the bug and he was being sick into a bucket for gods sake... the conditions he's in aren't fit for a human nevermind a fucking sick one!" The more she talked about it the angrier she got at the fact that she had to explain basic empathy to people. "He needed fresh air, light, comfort, somewhere to be sick that wasn't a metre away!"

He seemed to take in everything she had said and then slowly nodded his head making Rose feel relieved that she might have at least one person on her side. "We'll keep him here until he's better... it usually clears within twenty four hours."

"Thank you." She sighed.

"Don't thank me... you're right." He smiled at her before going to walk back in. "Im gonna go check him over, you coming?"

"Of course." She followed him in and stayed there the whole time before sitting back down next to him.

It was turning dark when Rose trying to get Negan to eat was interrupted. Michonne entered the infirmary to see Rose stood at Negan's bedside holding a bowl and laughing at something he had said, no handcuffs in sight.

"What the hell is this?!" Michonne snapped.

The pair turned to the other woman, Rose's eyes wide while Negan had his usual grin upon his face. He saw Rose's entire body stiffen as she stood in front of his bed and he realised she was standing herself between him and Michonne, he wanted to get out of bed and stand up next to her but he knew it wouldn't help.

"He's sick."

"That's why he's locked up, Rose."

"No..." Rose sighed. "He's actually sick. You know the bug that's been going around? He has it."

"That doesn't explain why he's here."

"You expect me to leave him in a dark, damp cell to be sick into a bucket?" Rose asked with a slight edge to her voice.

"Yes." Michonne said completely stone faced. "Other people have it and I don't see them in the infirmary."

"Yeah because they have houses..."

"He's going back to his cell." Michonne said walking over to them. "Now."

"No. He isn't." Rose held her ground for him, yet again.

"Rose..." Michonne said warningly.

"I couldn't give a shit what you or anybody else has to say this man is sick for gods sake and I am not letting him go back into that cell!"

Negan for once was completely lost for words seeing this woman stand up for him was something he had never expected.

"He's being cuffed to the bed then."

"What if he has to be sick?"

"Your problem not mine."

Rose let out a sound that came close to a growl making Negan watch her in admiration. Sure Rose could handle herself but Michonne was on another level and had a massive sword.

"Rose. I feel a lot better..." he said gently. As much as he preferred the comfy bed and the pillows and having her next to him without bars he didn't want to cause any trouble for her.

"No..." her voice quivered as her shoulders fell.

"It's okay..." he said softly from behind her, completely thrown off by her emotional reaction.

Only a single tear left her eyes before she composed herself, not wanting to show either of the other people in the room how she truly felt about this. Which was just... so unbelievably sad. She cared about Negan no matter if it was just out of concern for another human or a connection with him... she didn't know and it didn't matter. All she knew is that she was sad when she thought of him all alone in that cell.

When she thought about him sick and nobody caring.

Sad at the thought of people not even giving him the time of day when he was probably just so lonely and bored.

That he wouldn't ever have a normal life...

He would never be able to _be with someone._

"No! No it's not!" She shouted. "This is cruel! The whole thing is so cruel. For fucks sake he'd be better off dead! Rick decided to keep him alive so it's his responsibility to give him the basic fucking human rights! I'm sick of everyone pretending he's not down there!" Her voice cracked but she kept herself strong. "He is sick." She said with a tone of finality.

"I'm going to radio Rick."

"Yeah you do that!" Rose snapped as she watched the woman leave the room.

"Rose..." Negan started.

"Don't..." she held her hand up to stop him still feeling a little vulnerable and not wanting to talk about it but of course Negan didn't care. He grabbed the wrist of the hand she held up and dragged her to where he was sitting on the bed, wrapping his arms around her, one hand on the back of her head to hold her in the crook of his neck.

She stood between his legs in a very intimate way and let her arms fall around his waist as she let it all out.

"Why the fuck am I the one who's crying?!" She laughed in between tears.

"Is it that time of the month, darlin?" His voice was a quiet rumble, her favourite way to hear his voice. She punched him in the side while her other arm still wrapped around him. "Seriously though, Rose." He held her face inbetween his hands and looked her in the eyes. "I don't deserve you're tears... I did things that _I chose_ to do. Bad, _fucked up_ shit." He pulled her back into the crook of his neck rocking side to side. "I don't deserve them. I don't." He whispered.

"I know you don't..." she cried knowing that part of the reason that she was so upset was the confusion she felt towards her feelings for him. Her thoughts were disrupted by the feel of something hard digging into her belly, when she realised what it was she gasped jumping backwards.

"Oh my god! Negan! Way to ruin the moment."

He just sat there laughing loudly watching the beautiful woman who had caused the perfectly normal male reaction in him blushing like crazy.

"What?! I'm human ya know... when a beautiful woman's presss up against me..."

"Yeah yeah I know it's been a while." She scoffed. He didn't want her to think that what happened was something he couldn't control, hell, sure it had been a while but that didn't make him some pre pubescent boy again. It was her that made him not be able to control himself.

"A long while of imagining all the things I'd do to you, _Rose."_ He rasped making the room suddenly go very hot as she stood there not knowing what to do or say, he could see that he had an effect on her and with anybody else he would have pointed it out more. Probably made fun of her for it. But not Rose. Taking pity on her he gestured towards the bowl of soup she had been forcing on him earlier. "Let me try some of that. If I can keep it down take me back to that hell hole."

"Okay. Deal." She nodded before passing him the soup.

Much to both Rose and Negan's disappointment the watery soup and stale bread stayed down and he was walked back to his cell by Eddie and Siddiq. Apparently Michonne was waiting for Rose with a radio call from Rick.

Great.

 ** _A/N_**

 ** _So I had a full on Christmas and new year is being a chill one for me so I finished the last of this chapter before I pop open a bottle of something._**

 ** _Enjoy._**

 ** _Thank you to my favourite reviewer eruditeamber! Your in depth reviews really give me motivation from seeing somebody is enjoying what I'm writing._**

 ** _Happy New Year guys!_**


	12. Chapter Twelve

**_Chapter Twelve_**

Rose was sharpening her knife. It had started to drag the last time she used it when Rick approached her for what she knew was going to be one of the worst conversations of her life.

"Ya alright?" He asked her when he came to a stop.

"Cut the shit... please?" She said sadly. "I know you think I fucked up but nothing bad happened."

"It could have."

"I was armed. He wasn't" Rose shrugged. "I saw the proof that he was sick spilling out of that bucket! You really think I didn't think about it logically? He was sick, unarmed and if he managed to get past me then Eddie was outside..."

"And what if he got past Eddie too?" He growled. "What if he had gotten to Judith?"

"He would never...!" She stopped herself before defending Negan but the look on Rick's face told her he already knew what she was going to say.

"He's gotten to you." Rick looked at her with the look he saved for the times he really needed it, she called it his cop face.

"No..." As much as she tried to hide the uncertainty in her voice she knew it was pointless. "I let a sick man be more comfortable, that's all there is to it Rick. If I really thought anybody could have come to any harm I wouldn't have done it."

The man just stared back at her for a long time looking for any part of her expression that might give away her true feelings. Rick was sure she was starting to soften to the man he wanted kept away from everybody and he couldn't help but feel slightly responsible for it, he had asked her to do just that. How could he be angry at her?

"Shit..." He said under his breath. "Okay." He knelt down in front of her and placed his hand over the one that held her knife. "I trust you, Rose." The sincerity in her eyes told him he could.

"I would never do anything I thought would put Judith in danger." She told him quietly. "Any of you... I fought alongside you!"

"I know." He nodded to her, feeling stupid that he would ever doubt her, she was a strong and capable woman. That was exactly why he trusted her to do it in the first place.

XX

"Rick came to see me yesterday." Was the first thing Negan told Rose.

"Oh yeah?" She asked sitting back in her chair.

"Told me about his day like I'm his fuckin' wife or somethin'.'" He made a sound of disgust. "Kept talkin' about the future you're all creatin' out there." Rose noticed something different in his voice. It wasn't the usual warm tone but empty and her stomach dropped, already knowing what was coming having seen it so many times before. People always ended up here.

He had done so well so far. She stayed silent knowing by now that if he started a conversation he wouldn't need much coaxing.

"I got to thinking' how I'll never be a part of that." He stayed sat on his cot, leaning up against the hard wall one of his long legs bent and the fact that he hadn't come right up to the bars like usual bothered Rose to no end. "I'll never get to just sit outside with a beer, watch people do stupid shit." He paused but it was a heavy one. "I'll never get to have you." He finished.

"Negan..." She started quietly as she stood up at the bars but she just didn't know what to say.

"That day with you..." Negan said softly. "It fuckin' broke me." His voice cracked with the strain of the emotion he was holding in. "The second I got back in this cell I just felt cold, alone... fuckin' hopeless. The silence... it's too much for me, Rose."

"Come here..." She said quietly, not having anything else to say while her heart broke for him. The only thing she could think of doing was touching him, that always made him feel better right? If she could just...

"Im no good for ya." He spoke in the same monotonous way he had when he began this conversation. "Just like I wasn't for Lucille."

"You need to let go Negan. You've been beating yourself up over that stuff for too long."

"I don't want you comin' in here anymore, ya hear me?" He rasped still looking at the wall.

"What?"

"I don't deserve you spendin' all your time in here. You can deny it all you want but I know you got feelin's for me." He laughed slowly, maliciously. "I've always had the worst luck. So meetin' the girl of my fuckin' dreams in the god damned apocalypse while I'm locked up with no chance of a future with her... that sounds just like fuckin' like me."

"Negan you're bound to feel like this! The worst thing would be to be alone... I'm not leavin' you alone to rot in here."

"So what you gonna do spend the rest of your life pining over me like one of them desperate, lonely, ugly fucks who fall in love with people on death row?" He lazily rolled his head to look at me now. "Cos' that's what I am sweetheart. I'm gonna die here. I give it the big fuck you to Rick and everybody but I know I'm not gettin' out."

"Whether you like it or not Negan... I'll be coming to see you everyday."

"Oh shit! You really are desperate aren't you."

"Stop being an asshole cos you think you can push me away." She said not taking anything he said to heart.

"Go find some normal, boring fuck and stop botherin' me would ya?"

"Funny you should say that... Gabriel's started to look real good."

"I'm fuckin' serious, Rose." She had stupidly thought making a joke would perk him up alittle, the fact that he didn't come back with some snark remark worried her. He was right, this was serious. "I can't give you what you deserve. I'll never be able to."

XX

It went pretty much the same way every single time Rose went to see Negan. He wouldn't eat, she got no reaction from him even when she offered to flash him and she as being serious. No matter what she did he stayed in that deep dark pit of depression she has seen so many others in before, had even helped people get out of. This time she felt helpless.

XX

"He's not eating." Michonne seemed to be making a habit out of searching Rose out and begging her to clean up her and Ricks mess. Rose threw down the trowel she was using and stood up to face her.

"You know what Michonne. Neither am I!

He's depressed! Of course he's fuckin depressed! It's fucking cruel. What do you want me to do for him? Give him a prescription!"

"I don't... I just thought..."

"You thought I have some kind of connection with him right? That's what Rick asked me to do! Make a connection with a imprisoned man but get the third degree off you both when I actually try to help him."

"I get it." Although Michonne looked like she wanted to rip Rose's head off she just walked off.

️️️️️️️️

XX

"You've been talkin' to Michonne." Rose's voice echoed in the cell which felt completely empty. No reply.

"You had a lot to say to her apparently." Rose sighed.

"It's been a week. Are you gonna give up?"

Nothing.

"I miss you."

Silence. Rose squeezed her eyes shut feeling stupid in a hundred different ways for having said that.

"You asked me once... what the worst thing I've ever done is?"

She heard him shuffle and hoped she'd finally got his attention.

"Ask me again again and I'll tell you."

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?" His voice was still flat but at least it was words.

"It was a while after this whole thing started... I was with two other women and there was these guys, four of them." The same dread that always filled her whenever she thought about it came in floods and she had to take a deep breath. "We joined up with them, safety in numbers and all that. One night they were talking to themselves, laughing about stuff and kept looking over at us. I knew straight away something was off, men have that certain look when they're thinking about doing terrible things. I told the other two, Erin and Abi." There name made her eyes fill with tears. "To keep hold of their weapons and I remember thinking first thing in the morning and we're gone."

She looked up to see Negan had turned to face her now.

"But it was already too late. They came over one with a gun and the other three grabbed us. Pinned us down and I fought, I fought so god damn hard and I was lucky. That's all it was. I wasn't any stronger than the others and the guy who came to me was a little smaller. I got away just before he... I stabbed the sick fuck. There I was running away, half naked lucky it was dark so the shots the guy fired after me, missed." She began crying now and she knew it was an accumulation of everything... the loneliness, her unwanted feelings for Negan, the hostility from certain members of the group but most of all the shame and guilt. "I just ran off. I didn't help them!"

All that could be heard was her soft sobs as she tried to control herself. "I got out of the place we were holed up and kept moving until morning. I've no idea how I survived any of it. I was just lucky. That's the only difference between them and me."

"You did what you had to do." His voice made her jump. "I'm so sorry that happened Rose."

"Don't!" She snapped. "Don't feel sorry for me. It's those poor women..."

"I don't know what the hell you hoped would happen by tellin' me that. All it's made me do is get angry that I can't hold you! That it could happen to you again and I'd be locked up in this FUCKING SHIT HOLE!" He raged worse than she'd ever seen him before. "Yeah you stand there like a fuckin' deer in the headlights darlin' cos there's nothing I can do for ya! So just fuckin' leave!"

Rose hesitated, not knowing what to do until she came to a harsh conclusion. "You're right. There's nothin' either of us can do for each other." She said quietly, in defeat. "I thought I could help you. That was so naive of me."

And then she left.

"Rose.." Negan said so quietly she didn't even hear. "Fuckin' shit!" He shouted, enraged that she was carrying around guilt because of some sick fucks and just as angry that he couldn't do anything about it.

️️️️️️️️️️

XX

Later that day Rose had been doing paroles around the walls having needed to get out. Walking back to her house she was intercepted by Scott, his warm friendly eyes looking concerned.

"Is it all sorted?" He asked.

"What?"

"Maggie..."

"What about her?" Rose asked getting frustrated.

"I thought you'd have been told... Maggie turned up at here about ten, fifteen minutes ago... I told Michonne..."

He didn't even finish his sentence before Rose was racing off to the place she knew Maggie would be. The panic pushed her to run even faster knowing all too well what the only reason the woman would have stepped foot in Alexandria.

 ** _A/N_**

 ** _So sorry for the cliffhanger but this is close to 2000 words and I don't know if anyone would want a chapter that long._**

 ** _Thanks as always to anyone who has followed or left comments._**

 ** _Love ya for it!_**

 ** _Guest (Amanda) Thank you so much for your review I'm so glad you love it and you don't have to worry I'm with this story until the end! I love writing these two._**


	13. Chapter Thirteen

_"But nothing is better sometimes_

 _Once we've both said our goodbyes_

 _Let's just let it go_

 _Let me let you go"_

 _\- Billy Eilish, when the party's over_

* * *

 ** _Chapter Thirteen_**

When Rose got to the cell it was only Michonne stood outside looking guilty.

It only took her a second to move to the side, Michonne knew there was no point in arguing with her, it hadn't worked with Maggie.

"So I can be with my wife!" She heard Negan sounding like a broken man as she entered and the realization that he finally was exactly that turned her stomach. "So I can be with Lucille!" He was curled up on the floor like a child crying for his Mother would.

"I knew it wouldn't be long." Maggie sneered at her. It was the first time Rose had taken any notice of her stood there with the crowbar in her hand but that made her jump into action, standing in front of Negan. She didn't miss the surprised look on Maggie's face, the treachery wasn't lost on Rose either and her heart broke at the thought of losing Maggie's respect but she had assumed that had already been long gone.

"No!" The man she had come to care about wailed from behind her. "Let her do it! I should be dead." He cried. "It was supposed to be you, it has to be you! Because I can't do it. I can't do it I've tried but I can't." Rose turned when he said that with silent tears falling. "I can't be like this. Please, please don't make me stay like his. Kill me please."

The revelation of how he truly felt about his situation came as a blow to her. Rose knew he was far from happy but part of her always hoped he was too cocky, too self assured to not believe he would never get out. How naive she had been to not see it, he had hidden it so well. Seeing him suffer this was enough to make letting him live or not a dilemma even to her, the one who had always thought there was more to him, a reason to keep him alive. But she said it herself so often. It was cruel. What right did she have to go against his wishes?

"Get back in your cell." Maggie said quietly and Rose had an awful moment where she didn't know if she was relieved or felt sorry for him.

"No... no...no..." Negan was begging, almost sounding insane with his feelings, his face full of pain. Rose knew that was because he was in such excruciating mental pain. "Why?"

"I came to kill Negan." Maggie had stepped around Rose as soon as the woman had turned to face Negan and was surprised when she made no move to follow. "I came to kill Negan, you're already worse than dead." Rose knew she was right she could see it all over Negan's face. "That settles it." Maggie threw the keys to Rose, they hit her side then fell to the floor clanging noisily. As Maggie walked out she stopped just for a second beside Rose and whispered quiet enough for only her to hear, "I'll never forgive you for this, Rose." And then she was gone, Negan still crying in his position on the floor whilst muttering to himself.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to be like this."

Rose had never not known how to handle this man... even when she thought she didn't she always came up with something. Not this time. She picked up the keys, wiped her face and went over to him. "Come on..." She said gently but he just looked up at her, the pain in his eyes replaced with this pleading look.

"You do it." He whispered. "You could do it." He became like a mad man reaching out for her and so she knelt down in front of him glad she had left her gun with Scott and her knife was well hidden. "Please."

"No..." Her voice sounded far too much like his had earlier when Maggie refused to kill him. "No way..."

"Please!" He grabbed her face, pushing her hair back from her face which was wet from all the tears. "I can't do this anymore. I can't sit in that cell... please don't make me." He was sobbing still and it was killing her. Would she be able to forgive herself? It was against Rick's wishes to kill him and now even Maggie's but that was only because they could see the strain it was having on Negan, he was struggling. It was against everything she believed in but so was keeping this man completely isolated and alone with the bare necessities. "I can't have you... there's no point anymore. Please." He was becoming frenzied his hands running over her face becoming quick and clumsy, tangling in her hair. He was going mad. Just like they wanted him to.

Her goal had always been to stop that from happening. He was in a kind of pain no pills or behavioral therapy could ease and all she could think about was what she would want it his position.

Rose took out her knife. Sobbing just as much as Negan.

"In a different world... in a different time..." He was murmuring as his hands started to move to her shoulders, her arms, her legs then back up to her face and hair as though he was trying to touch as much of her as he could before... "You'd have been it." His forehead fell to hers as he felt her take the knife from it's sheath. "You know that right, angel?"

She nodded even with the uncertainty that he meant what he was saying to her, either way, she felt it. She hoped that she could see that he meant it in those eyes that hadn't left hers the entire time.

"You've always done right by me. The only one." He cried and she cried with him, slowly shaking her head. She cried for the way it was ending before any of it could even begin, cried for the fact that she actually believed what he said and that this awful situation had brought her the man she had been waiting for. Cried because she hadn't done right by him at all, just sat and talked to him while he continued a descent he couldn't come back from. Cried because fairytales weren't real. She would never get her prince... she was about to kill the beast.

"Do it." His breath was hot on her face as she positioned the knife to the back of his head at the base of his neck. He shivered.

"Do it." His voice was stronger this time and her other hand came up to stroke his face gently. "Get me out of here."

"I..." Rose had a million things to say.

"I know..." Negan whispered. He knew she didn't know what to say even when there was so damn much that they hadn't said, that needed to be said.

Could she really do this?

All she knew was that she couldn't see him like this.

"Do it!" The muscles in her arm twitched the same way her legs aways did when she was near the edge of something high. It burned with the effort of her heart not being able to do what her mind was telling her . It was the right thing to do. The humane thing. Right?

She jumped back with a cry, dropping the knife at the sound of the door crashing open. Negan let out one of his own from the build up of the tension, his body sagging heavily from the mental stress he had just been through.

Nora stood at the door. "Rose theres something happening at the camp. Michonne asked me to get you to follow them! I'll be out here with your gun." She said quickly before leaving the pair both sat on the floor, completely unaware of what she had interrupted.

Rose looked up, wide eyes to see him just staring at the floor, he knew the moment had gone. Maybe the only moment.

What had she been thinking?!

Relief at the interruption flooded her entirely and nothing else but the fact that he was still sat there breathing mattered. Rose dived into the broken man's lap and grabbed his face pulling it up to hers as her lips crashed onto his. He didn't react immediately but Rose didn't mind, this was for her more than him, to know he was there, feel that he was alive. The growl that emitted from his throat shocked her as did the grip he had on her waist underneath her vest top. Her moan at the way his skin felt on hers only made him grip her tighter.

The despair he felt just minutes before was transferred to this kiss as his hands slid over the skin on her back, his other in her hair pulling her closer taking full control of the kiss. This was the spark she was looking for, she thought as his tongue pushed inside her mouth, his beard scratched her cheeks and chin but she didn't care pushing her entire body into him.

"Fuck." He rasped against her lips before taking her bottom lip gently between his own. All they could do was keep up with each other's desperation to feel the other and cling on.

"I'm sorry." She whispered only pulling away an inch. "I couldn't..." she felt her throat getting tight again and kissed him frenziedly instead. He leaned back as he trailed his hands up and down her denim covered legs.

"I shouldn't have asked you." He said gently.

"I'm gonna try and help you okay? I promise!"

He pulled her lips back to his in a deep, slow kiss because he just didn't know how to tell her that he didn't think she could. Kissing her as amazing as it was, as long as he had waited to do it still had an underlying pain in knowing it was probably just a one off after a high tension situation. Her breathy moans were the only music he needed, the spark that was always in her eye finally igniting as he touched her was the best entertainment he could ask for but it still wouldn't be enough. But for now as her soft lips brushed against his it was all he needed.

"Shit." She cursed. "I need to go. I'm so sorry." Just like that Negan crashed back down to reality.

That's how it would always end, her having a life to live outside while he rotted in a cell. Nothing could make the life he was living a happy one.

She sure made it bearable though. "Don't be sorry." He gave her a small sad smile.

Negan moved her off of him with his hold on her waist before standing up himself. "Stay safe." He gave her a lingering kiss, wondering if it would be the last one and then walked to his cell. Utterly exhausted he lay down on his cot. Neither needed to say anything about the kiss as the kiss had said it all.

"There's going to be a change in here. I'll fight for it."

With that Rose locked the gate and walked out in a daze. What had happened changed everything.

Little did she know that things were about to change even more.

Her heart still had breaking to do.

 ** _A/N_**

 ** _Thank you so much to people voting and commenting, I always say it means a lot but it actually does. As much as I love writing this story and do it because of that, having people along for the ride and enjoying it with me really motivates me to get ideas from my head to paper... or laptop screen. So thanks!_**


	14. Chapter Fourteen

_**Chapter Fourteen**_

The death of Rick Grimes was felt differently by everyone.

To some it was the loss of a leader.

Some it was the loss of the man who saved them from the regime of the saviors.

To others it was the loss of a dear friend.

And to a small group it was the loss of a family member.

To Rose it was the loss of somebody who had taken her into their group and finally after so many years made her feel as safe as she could in the new world. She felt guilty for what she had been doing just before she found everybody but at the same time couldn't stop thinking about how amazing it had felt.

It was a very harsh landing when she found everybody near the bridge, that damn bridge. Michonne inconsolable, Maggie heartbroken, everybody was and Daryl... well he was just gone.

She had gone to try and find him before heading back to Alexandria but he was nowhere to be found. She understood what he was thinking, that he couldn't loose anybody else. When Daryl was upset he had no idea how to handle that and would become like a porcupine, expelling those sharp quills to protect himself. Her heart broke for him when she thought about the fact that every time he got close to somebody he lost them, that was just a way of life now but it was so much worse for someone like Daryl. Someone who found it so hard to connect in the first place. Maggie had told Rose about Beth. _Maggie._ He himself had told me about his brother. The worst thing he could do was push everyone further away.

It was just turning dark when she got back to Alexandria, the town itself seeming to be in morning. Rose found herself at Carl's grave. She just stood there staring at the stones. She had always had a soft spot for Carl, how could anybody not? He was such an empathetic, smart kid. She had told him he would have made a good psychologist to which he replied there wasn't much need for one of those anymore. How right he was.

"I wish I could have seen the reunion, dude." A sad smile graced her face as she wiped away the tears and let her feet decide where she was going, knowing exactly where she would end up.

"Oh thank god you're okay!" He sighed as she walked in. "Dunno what the fucks goin' on round here but I think everyones got some major fuckin' PMT or somethin'..."

"Rick's dead..." She interrupted him, struggling to get the words past the aching in her chest. The sneer on Negan's face wasn't what she was expecting.

"How..." He growled.

"The was a herd... they were coming this way..." She repeated what Tara had told her through tears. "He blew up the bridge... that god damn bridge!" It was so strange to her to be crying for the man who had been keeping the man in front of her, who she cared about so much captive. She was exhausted from the events of the day.

"Son of a bitch!" He roared. She saw it straight away.

"No!" She roared back. "You do no get to do that!"

"Do what?" He just sounded aggravated this time, knowing she was about to hand him his ass.

"You don't think I know what this is?!" Her voice stayed furious, her words ripping her throat on the way out. "You're pissed cos Rick got what you wanted! You're pissed because he always seems to get one over on you doesn't he! You wanted to die, he does what you can't do the same day!"

"Maybe I am!" He screamed.

"WELL YOU DON'T FUCKING GET TO BE!" This time as she screamed at him she pushed against the bars making them clatter. "He's left behind a fucking daughter, Negan! She's four years old you SELFISH FUCK."

Negan was shocked and turned on all at once. All he wanted to do was grab her, push her against a wall and show her who was boss. There was nothing quite like dominating such a strong woman, knowing that they were _letting_ you. He knew he was a dick, he owned it thats what had made him NEGAN. He was the kind of guy who would be in a full blown argument about a man who had just killed himself, for the greater good with a woman he cared about more than anybody, stood in front of him so upset and his mind go to fucking her against the wall. His hand around her throat, her teeth scraping his shoulder...

"He sacrificed himself so that everybody at Alexandria would stay safe..."

"Not me." Negan interrupted like a moody teenager.

"I preferred you suicidal." Rose sighed, while Negan let out a small laugh.

"Just be thankful that you're at least alive would you?" She told him. "That's all I'm asking. Just for tonight at least."

"Kiss me." Negan demanded making his way right up to the bars. "You are the only reason I'd be glad I'm alive." He reached through the bars and pulled her right up to them, winching as her body collided with them.

"You're an asshole."

"I know it, baby." Negan whispered before their lips met in a very awkward kiss through the bars, the bars made it a slow kiss but they made it work and when Rose pulled away they were both dazed.

"Are you okay?" He asked. Rose just nodded. "I'm sorry about your friend."

"Thank you." She said quietly, feeling the same shame reappear at who was giving her condolences.

"Hey... He'll be with Carl now." Even _his_ voice sounded slightly affected by that thought, she knew he had always had a soft spot for Carl too.

"I thought the same." But she couldn't stop feeling so bad for Michonne and Judith.

"You're going to need to prepare yourself ya know, darlin'."

"What for?" Rose asked confused.

"You don't think they're gonna keep me alive now do you?" He told her gently, the way a parent would to a child.

Rose hadn't thought about that but he was right, Rick was the only one who was really keeping him alive. She would have to hope that Michonne would respect that and want to carry on Rick's legacy, his plans for Alexandria, including Negan.

"I'll talk to her." Rose's heart rate had picked up. "When the time's right of course."

"It won't make a difference, beautiful. It's okay."

"No it's not!" She still had some naive idea that they would let him go at some point.

She just had to keep him alive until then.

"Go and get some sleep." Negan told her, to which she just nodded clearly lost in her thoughts but she still reached through the bars to pull him close enough to kiss quickly.

XX

There was no sleep to be had for Rose that night. Everything was racing through her mind no matter what mental exercises she tried.

 _Negan._

 _Rick._

 _The kisses._

 _Negan's Pleading._

 _Rick._

 _Maggie._

 _Negan being killed_.

 _The kisses._

 _Negan's pleading._

 _Negan._

 _Maggie._

 _Rick._

 _Loosing Negan._

As soon as there was some light her cover was thrown back with a growl, she must have had about an hour collectively all night.

Aimlessly walking around Alexandria with her half her hair scruffily pulled up on top of her head in an old scrunchie she spotted Scott. The keys to Negan's cell in one hand and what she suspected was his breakfast in a bowl in the other.

"Won't be doing this for much longer, huh!" Scott said cheerfully. She just looked at him with a raised eyebrow, she had always liked him right up until this point.

"You don't think so?" She decided to act uninterested.

"Nahh. I think Michonne will do a vote now. You know what that result will be."

"Yeah... maybe." She shrugged nonchalantly even thought she was internally screaming. "You don't think Michonne will want to carry on Rick's way?"

"There's a small chance I guess. But I think she only did it for Rick, you know?"

"Yeah, maybe."

"Well, have a nice day Rose!" He smiled broadly before walking away.

Rose must have stayed stood there for a good few minutes. Negan had been right. The only thing that would keep him alive now was Michonne not wanting to go against Rick's wishes but Rose didn't like those odds, especially when factoring everybody else in.

When she entered his cell he was laid on his cot.

"Negan." Rose took a deep breath as he sat up not being able to believe what she was about to say.

She had stared at the front gate

She had figured out how she would have to "borrow" one of their cars with hardly any fuel in.

She had figured out when it would be best.

What would be needed...

Everything...

She had already decided.

"Yes, angel?"

"I'm going to get you out."

She had access to everything she needed to get him out because _they trusted her_.

That was a slap across the face but still not enough to deter her from the plan.

Nothing would be.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Chapter Fifteen**_

This fucking woman never stopped fucking surprising him.

"I can't ask you to do that." Even though he felt his spirits lift higher than they had since he'd been locked up.

"Okay well don't ask." She shrugged. "I'm doing it either way."

"And just how are you plannin' to Shawshank me outta here, sweetheart?" He was leaning on the bars his hands high above his head making him feel very imposing to Rose.

"At night." She began.

"Yeah...?" He dragged the word on wanting her to elaborate.

"Don't you worry your pretty little head, big guy." She smirked leaving him shaking his head slowly, smirking right back as he watched her leave.

X X X X

Tonight was the night.

The luke warm water trickled over Rose's body and she cherished every last drop knowing this wouldn't be the norm any longer. She was well aware of everything she was giving up for this man who in the grand scheme she didn't know all that well. Knowing of the Negan before he was locked up didn't help, nobody could have been through what he had for the last two years and stay the same. She just had to figure out if it had been for the better or for the worse.

She was standing by her morals!

She couldn't let somebody die as a warning to the new world, not after everything!

That's what she continued to tell herself. When she tricked Scott into giving her the keys to Negan's cell, when she stole Lucille from the "secret" part of the weapons store that everybody knew about, even when she looked Tara in the eyes and lied about what she would be doing that night.

Feeling fully clean she wrapped herself in her scratchy towel and stared at the clothes she had laid out. Practical, warm, the clothes she had turned up to Alexandria in. Thick black jeans that were fraying but had no holes, a vest, a long sleeved stripy, burgundy and white top, a thick jacket and thick dark green coat. Her boots were new and so were the thick socks. Both of which were hard to come by out there.

Her bag was packed, hidden inside the wardrobe all she had to do was wait. Wait for 3am when in the silence of the night her new life would begin.

Two sets of keys clinked together in her hand as she approached one of the only three cars remaining with fuel. This was what she felt most guilty about, she knew it was the very last fuel until they could perfect making it themselves.

She was only going to borrow it. The note she left in her room had told them so with co ordinates of where to find it.

He was sat up on his cot, his knee jittering nervously. He was nervous for different reasons to Rose. This was his last chance whereas she was worried about being caught, about living out on the road again but at least she wouldn't be alone this time. Negan could handle himself, that was a definite.

He didn't say a word as he stood up, there was nothing to say. The lock clicked loudly and the gate swung open. "You're sure about this?" He was still stood in the shadows.

"Don't make me regret this." She said the seriousness of the situation portrayed in her voice. "Please."

"I won't." He said. No jokes. He needed her to know that he knew the severity of the situation. He walked out of the shadows of his cell for what he hoped would be the last time and stopped right in front of her.

"We don't exactly have time for staring into each others eyes longingly..." She whispered.

He smirked and motioned towards the door. "You sure you've got this?" She had told him the plan but that didn't mean he was comfortable leaving his only chance in the hands of somebody else, even if it was her. He had no choice though.

Rose started walking to the door and he noticed her entire countenance had changed, she was stood taller, more on edge, aware and he hated that she had to be this way now. It was his turn to look after her, he owed her _and_ he wanted to. He realised it was the first time since Lucille that he wasn't doing it as part of a deal. He just wanted her safe.

"You put this on." She handed him a baggy grey hoody which he pulled on and made sure the hood was covering his face. "If anybody comes, you hide. I'm sorry but the only way we're gonna get out of here is if I take advantage of the fact that they trust me." He nodded and noticed her take a deep breath as she walked out of the building and up the stairs beside him.

She peered over the last step and he found himself unable to stop watching her, this was the first clue of how she had been before Alexandria. She nodded her head to gesture that they were going to move and they both fell into step, Rose guiding them. They didn't hit any trouble until they turned the last corner before getting to the car.

Negan had been worried that he might have lost his touch having been in that damn cell for so long but when Rose shoulder barged him into a large bush without him so much as being prepared for it, well that confirmed it. His mind caught up quick and he realised there must have been somebody coming.

"...didn't feel too good." He heard Rose lie.

"You want some company?" That was Scott, he always fuckin' hated the big bear looking fuck.

"Oh no..." Rose said a little too quickly before recovering. "I mean, it's late you should get some sleep."

"Yeah I guess I will. See ya tomorrow, Rose."

"Yeah, bye." Negan heard the sadness in her voice and if Scott hadn't then he was a moron.

"Get out here... quick." She whisper shouted. If it had been any other situation she would have laughed seeing big bad Negan crawling out of a bush, holding his back with leaves in his hair. Unfortunately she couldn't enjoy the moment and dragged him the last little way to the car, popping the boot.

"This better fuckin' work." He grumbled, climbing in the boot.

"You're really not in the position to complain here, asshole."

"Yes, sir." He said with a laugh as she closed the boot on the scrunched up six foot something man.

The second she started the car she would have to be quick, the sound of an engine travelled far in what was now such a silent world. What used to be background noise was out of the ordinary these days.

The rumbling of the engine sent a flood of adrenaline through Rose and as she drove up to the gate her stomach sank further and further.

"Fuck. Shit. Fucking fuck." She chanted under her breath as she drove, right up until Aaron came up to the drivers window.

"What are you doing?" He looked worried and it made her guilt even worse if possible.

"You need to let me out. Right now." She demanded. "Quickly!"

"What the hell is going on, Rose?"

"I can't tell you. You just... _you have to trust me."_ Her voice broke just like she knew it would no matter how hard she fought it.

"Are you okay?" He asked. There was nothing in his face but concern, no accusation, no anger.

 _I'm so sorry, Aaron._

"Nobodies gonna get hurt okay." Not anybody in Alexandria anyway, she did have a murderer in her boot after all. _What the actual fuck am I doing?!_ "That's all you need to know okay. Just let me out right now."

"No." He said simply while feeling for his radio, she was afraid of this. "I'm so sorry Aaron." She whispered as she pointed the gun she had been holding by her side at him just as he had lifted the radio to his mouth. "Get them to open the gate."

He stared at her, so confused and the fact that he still wasn't angry almost made her put this plan to bed all together.

"You wouldn't." He said with conviction.

"Don't make me. Please don't make me." She never ever would but she just had to hope, as the tears rolled down her cheeks that he wouldn't call her bluff.

She didn't know if she was relieved or terrified when he gestured for them to open the gate. She heard someone yell, "what the hell" but Aaron just gave them a look. "Do it."

Then the gates opened. Simple as that, Negan was free and Rose was the reason. Her foot hit the gas and she heard the dull thud of Negan probably being thrown back in the boot.

 _Good._ She thought, it served him right for making her feel _something_ for him, for getting her into this situation. Looking into the rear view mirror she saw Aaron talking on his radio, someone would come after her, if not straight away then as soon as they noticed Negan was gone but she just had to hope they wouldn't use one of the cars. That was what she was counting on.

Rose's mind went back and forth as she drove until sun up, not stopping even to let him out of the boot as they needed to get as far as they could before stopping for even a second.

She had nearly turned around a ridiculous amount of times but it was too late, she knew that, there was nothing to go back for but had there ever really been anything for her to go back to?

XXXX

When the boot finally opened Negan sat up slowly.

"I felt like this was all a trick to get me in a smaller, much more fuckin' uncomfortable box to rot away in for a sec there, doll." Rose said nothing to him, just stared at him. "Are you okay?"

"No." She told him. "But I will be." She nodded at him and all he could do was admire this woman who had single handedly gotten him out of that hell hole more effectively than any of those shower of shits he had led for so long could have. "We need to keep moving." She said matter of factly, walking to the back of the car and opening the door before reaching inside and pulling out a bag. "Here."

"You really thought of everything." He chuckled as he climbed out of the boot and stretched his long limbs.

"You've no idea." She said quietly putting the bag on the floor this feet before reaching back in. When she came back out with his old leather jacket in one hand and Lucille in the other he honest to god nearly broke down crying. _She really is a fucking angel._

"I thought...I..." He just shook his head, speechless. She had actually made him speechless. "Well shit, angel..." He approached her slowly and took both items in his hands like greeting an old lover. "I thought... Michonne said she was gone..." It took Rose a second to realise he was talking about the bat.

She remembered reading an article once named the psychology of stuff and things... it talked about how an object can become an extension of ones self, how it can be a way of someone displaying their status or power. That was what she used to think the bat was to him but now she knew it was so much more than that. It was a physical representation of the loss of somebody he hadn't dealt with losing, a way of tricking his mind into feeling the comfort of still having her by his side.

She didn't know where she stood in all of that and she hated that a bat was making her insecure but the way he so gently caressed the bat was almost uncomfortable to watch.

"Michonne probably said that to hurt you."

"Well she fuckin' hit me right where it hurt like fuck." He rasped.

"Come on." She got his attention back on her and he nodded before pulling his leather jacket on, it was a little baggy but it felt amazing.

"So what's the plan, doll?"

"Get the fuck outta dodge." She slammed the door and started to walk up the street, Negan, his bat on one shoulder and his bag on the other as he caught up to her.

"WOO!" He shouted. "This feels fuckin' good!" He was elated and that was only to be expected, Rose just hoped he wouldn't be so elated that he'd get them both killed.

"What the fuck have I done?" She groaned only for Negan to laugh loudly.

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **This took longer to upload than I thought it would because I wasn't too happy with it. I'm still not! If you think the same I promise every single chapter from now onwards will make up for it.**_

 _ **SHITS ABOUT TO GET REAL.**_


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**_Chapter Sixteen_**

"Why did we leave the car again?" Negan whined, he wasn't used to walking and hadn't been for a long time even before the cell.

"I couldn't just take it from them." Rose sighed.

"Sorry to break it to ya doll but that ship sailed already." Negan chuckled.

"I left a note telling them where to find it." She sighed.

"You what?!" He shouted stopping dead in the street. "They could be on our asses!"

"The last of the fuel was for absolute emergencies. They wont waste it on trying to get us back. If they have come after us it'll be on horseback." Rose had stopped walking too.

"You better fuckin' hope you're right." He said irritably.

"Excuse. Me." Rose felt the rage building before she could think about whether it was a good idea to unleash it on the man in front of her or not. "After everything I've just done for you... you talk to me like that?!"

"Like what?"

"Like you're trying to shove you're authority in my face!" She seethed. "Let me tell you something, Negan I will not be spoken to like that after what I've just done for you! I deserve your respect!"

He didn't say anything just stood there and looked away from her in thought, Rose wondered if this was the calm before the storm and she had just made a grave mistake.

"Well ain't this a fuckin' role reversal." He said quietly before getting down on one knee, kneeling in front of her.

"What are you doing?" She panicked as for one stupid moment she thought he was proposing.

"You deserve all my respect, Rose." He said in that deep, warm voice that always wrapped around her like a blanket. "My head's just a little messed up here."

She looked down on him and it finally registered, what he was doing. The saviours used to kneel for Negan, she'd heard from Daryl that as he walked through the sanctuary everybody would kneel for him and here he was kneeling for her.

"Get up..." She said having calmed down. "My heads messed up too but you need learn how to play better with others okay?" She sighed.

"I'll play with you real well, baby girl." Negan quirked one eyebrow at her and she couldn't help the small smile.

"It's one extreme to the other with you!" She said walking off.

"So what's the fuckin' plan?" Negan asked falling in step with her.

"Erm... I was kinda hoping this is where you'd come in." She looked straight ahead trying not to visibly freak out. The truth was she hadn't thought much about what would happen after she'd got him out and now the reality was seeping in, where were they supposed to go? What were they supposed to do?

"Oh you did, huh?" He swung Lucille as he walked, looking care free which was making Rose feel slightly more at ease considering their situation. "Well we've got a whole day so I say we walk a couple more hours then find somewhere to get some sleep, we can eat and figure out our next move."

"Yeah... sounds good." Rose was unbelievably uncomfortable. To have Negan walking beside her, totally free with no bars she found herself expecting him to walk off and leave her.

"You okay?" How did he always do that?

"Fine. Just weird being back out here..." She watched him nod his head.

"It is for me too. We'll be okay. I'll make sure of it. It's what I do." As much as she wanted to scold him for going straight back into leader mode it was a relief to have someone to rely on. It was just the two of them no, for as long as he stayed with her anyway and that was the kind of connection she had craved so badly back in Alexandria.

"Shit." She heard him curse. "I knew it wouldn't be this fuckin' easy!" Rather than questioning him Rose looked around them and noticed two figures further up the road, in what looked like black body armour, they must be from the kingdom. "Fuckin' c'mon!" Negan grabbed her by the top of her arm and made for the woods but she could already hear the shouts in the distance.

"They've seen us!" Rose told him.

"Keep fuckin' runnin'!" He told her desperately.

They'd been running for what felt like hours but was actually only a few minutes and Rose was starting to really regret not keeping up her fitness once she got to Alexandria so god only knew how her running partner was feeling. They were slow on the uneven terrain and the amount they were carrying didn't help either, they just weren't used to this life anymore and it was becoming scarily obvious.

When the walkers started to emerge from the surrounding trees it was no surprise considering their luck and as Negan took down the first one she took out her knife as the next got a little too close. Using her foot as leverage she pulled her knife from the soft skull and turned to see Negan bash one that was getting a little too close to Rose. He turned to where more were approaching the couple, reaching behind him he looped his long fingers around her belt and pulled her so they were completely back to back. There were too many, too close to run away from and whoever was chasing them wouldn't be far off.

Was this it? All that just to fail so badly?

Not for Negan. This wouldn't be it. He roared as he dived towards more walkers swinging Lucille down onto one skull after another, Rose jumped into action too and was far too occupied to notice the third person begin taking out the dead.

When she felt an arm wrap around her waist from behind she knew it wasn't Negan and in the panic of everything that was happening she screamed, getting Negan's attention.

The walkers had been dealt with but now they had a whole new problem.

That bastard had Rose held against his chest and a gun in his other hand, what was the little fuckers name? He couldn't remember he just knew he was a skinny, cocky little shit who needed a hair cut.

Jesus. That was what they called him.

When Negan turned slowly to see Rose held against someones chest with a gun in his hand not far from Rose's face she remembered why people feared him. His height was enough to set anyone on edge but it was the look of pure rage on his face that did it, he looked as if he could do anything, she believed he could do anything. She understood why people kneeled for him. He demanded it.

"It would be in your best interest to let her go."

"Rose, it's okay I've got you." When she realised who it was somehow her body tensed up even more. She just had to get out of this without him getting hurt.

"Jesus..."

Negan laughed loudly causing Rose to shoot him a look but he didn't take any notice.

"How cute! He thinks you need rescuing, darlin'." His eyes locked on the man holding her with a sneer on his lips. "Tell him, Rose."

"Negan..."

"Tell me what...?" Jesus's voice had changed, he was getting nervous.

"Let. Me. Guess..." Negan said playfully. "You think I found a way to force her to get me out of there. Kind of a hostage situation?"

"We were told something along those lines... Rose, whats going on?" He said quietly so only she could hear.

"They... they haven't found the note?" Rose said stiffly.

"They didn't find the damn note!" Negan exclaimed as though he was watching all of this unfold on a tv screen.

"Shut up!" She spat.

"You got him out?" Jesus said, everything falling into place. The gun he was holding twitched.

"She sure did." Negan told him.

"Rose..." Jesus sighed sadly and let go of her waist to grab her arm and make her face him. "I don't know what has happened here but you need to come back with me okay?"

The familiarity of a man she had fought, laughed and joked around with for so long almost weakened her but she was brought out of it when she heard someone shouting Jesus' name in the distance.

"Over here!" Jesus shouted.

"Rose!" Negan's voice from behind her sounded impatient.

"Negan, go!" She shouted.

"What!" Jesus's hand tightened on her arm.

"No!" Negan shouted from behind her. He marched up to Rose and the asshat with every intention of beating him and whoever his approaching little friend was and running off into the sunset with his girl.

He never got the chance.

Rose tipped her head back and brought it down onto her friends chin with unbelievable force before Negan could so much as lift Lucille. Jesus went down like a sack of shit and Negan had never seen anything as entertaining in his life.

"Shit fuck!" Rose cried. "That fuckin' hurts!" She was holding her forehead and trying her best to stop the bright white lights from taking over her vision.

"No shit, Rambo!" He chuckled as he pushed the hair from her face. "Can you run?"

"I can bearly fucking stand you asshole!"

"Wow. Someone swears a lot when they're in pain." He remarked as he swept her up into his arms and jogged away from the scene of the crime still chuckling to himself.

"You didn't leave me." She suddenly said, almost to herself.

"Of course I didn't!" He shook his head at her incredulously, sure he was an asshole but that would too douchey even for him.

"I think I can run." She told him after five minutes.

"Good cos we aint gonna get far with me lugging you along." He said as he lowered her to the ground, keeping his hands on her waist until she was steady. She gave him a small nod to let him know she was okay and he smirked down at her before kissing her forehead. The feeling intimacy caused sparks to travel around her body setting off tiny little fireworks in her chest and okay she would admit it... her pants.

"I can't believe you head butted someone." He scoffed before setting off again.

"Im so sorry, Jesus." She whispered to herself before running after Negan.

XXXX

Running quickly became walking but they assumed they were safe, the woods was a massive place and unless they had a tracker with them they should have lost them. Rose felt a pang in her chest at the thought of a tracker.

"Thank the lord for weird forest hermits." Negan said out of nowhere.

"Huh?" Rose looked at him confused until he pointed up ahead and she saw a small cabin.

"Hopefully they went to take Jesus Christ Superstar to see a doc after you chinned the poor bastard." Negan sighed happily at the memory. "That will always be the greatest thing I've ever fuckin' seen... but anyway we should have lost them. Soon as morning comes we'll hall ass."

"Yeah I could really do with a lie down." Rose said rubbing her head.

"Not for a couple hours yet, beautiful." These pet names were really starting to grow on her. "Need to make sure you don't have concussion. I'll take first watch so I can keep an eye on you."

He banged on the door of the cabin and they didn't hear anything so he just held up his hand to stop her coming any closer as he opened the door and checked inside.

"It's clear. Come on in." He said from the doorway.

"Are you actually staying awake to keep an eye on me or so that you can leave while I sleep?" Rose questioned as she entered the cabin. It was very basic, small and had just one open plan room with a bed, a couch, old radio and small kitchen area with portable cookers. It had been untouched for a long time by the looks of it, like most places these days.

"You said that before!" He turned to look at her. "You need to get this into that pretty little head of yours. I'm. Not. Going. Anywhere. Did that not just prove it to you? I probably would have been back in that cell if you hadn't done what you did but I would have stayed either way." His voice reminded her of a teacher telling the class something important. She smirked remembering that he used to be a coach.

"Why?"

"Do we have to do all this cheesy shit, this aint a fuckin' rom com for fucks sake." He rolled his eyes at her but she just stood there waiting. "Because I only wanna be where you are."

She knew it was stupid that it took her by surprise after she had seen him have the chance to get out of his cell before and not take it but this time was different. There was no other reason that he didn't leave her with Jesus than the fact that he didn't want to.

"I'm just an asshole stood in front of a very violent woman asking her to believe me. Is that enough for ya, sweetheart?" He asked standing there in front of her. No bars. She was still getting used to that. "Cos I'm gonna be honest you're probably not gonna get a whole lot more outta me." She laughed at that and nodded.

"It's enough. Notting Hill by the way?" Smiling at the reference he had made.

He shrugged as he slowly sauntered towards her, that walk the reminded her of a lion, a predator.

"I've wanted to fucking do this ever since you opened that fuckin' gate." He breathed as his big hand grasped the back of her head pulling her to him in a deep kiss. Her hands gripped at his leather jacket as their lips rubbed together and his wrapped around the back of her neck ever so gently, making her shiver at exactly the same time that his tongue entered her mouth, turning it into a moan.

Rose unzipped his jacket, letting her hands slide underneath that and the grey hoody he still wore determined to feel skin, sighing against his mouth as she grazed the skin of his lower hip. He pulled her closer speeding up the kiss when he felt her get heavy in his arms, his ego got a huge pat on the back until he realised her lips were unresponsive too.

"Fuck." He swore as he lifted her and carried her to the bed, he sat beside her and brought his hand up to her face. "Are you okay?" He asked her.

"Yeah... just a long day and my head..." She breathed barely able to keep her eyes open.

"Okay, you should be alright, it's been a while since you butted Jesus." He smirked. He realised that she had been planning the escape and probably wouldn't have slept at all the night of it. "Close your eyes, I'll be right here when you wake up, angel."

The deep rasp of his voice lulled her and the grip she had on his head lessened as she finally fell to sleep beside him.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

_**Chapter Seventeen**_

The pair had been travelling for almost two weeks and as Negan had said numerous times they couldn't "catch a fuckin' break." They had wanted to get as far away from any of the communities that knew about them and that had meant walking, a lot of walking. Supplies which Rose had been able to fit in their bags would start to run dangerously low if they didn't find anything else soon and to add to that the weather had been abysmal it all made for a very irritable pair.

Now, as they stood in front of the biggest walker either had ever seen they only had the energy to sigh. The man must have been at least 6,5 alive and even though he had decayed the man's large frame had remained, he probably hadn't been dead for more than a month or so. He was distant but quickly approaching, one silver lining was that he was alone.

"You are one fat bastard!" Negan said loudly.

"How to fuck would we even kill him?" Rose asked Negan.

"We don't. It's too risky while it's just him, let's just keep going and work something out if he becomes a problem."

They had gotten into a routine by this point as the time traveling had been spent getting used to each other. Negan of course settled into the role of making most of the decisions and Rose only really piped up if she didn't agree or had what she thought was a better idea. She picked up on his cues of what he needed from her from one moment to the next and her easy going nature meant that she did let Negan take the wheel but wasn't afraid to take it right back if she needed to .

Negan liked that about her. She knew her weaknesses and her strengths and she didn't make stupid decisions to prove otherwise, she was the perfect companion right down to her perfect ass and beautiful face. It didn't hurt having a warm, soft woman who seemed to care about him to get close to on those cold nights out on the road. He couldn't help but try to not get too close too soon though, he had noticed her mood decline dramatically in straight away she wasn't like herself which was to be expected of course but all he felt was guilt.

This woman had given up what, in this world, would class as luxury to come on the road with him. He didn't want her to stay out just because hey had some connection they hadn't even had the chance to explore yet. He wanted it to be her choice.

"Ya know we ain't too far from the Sanctuary..." Negan told her as they set off again. She looked at him scrunching her eyebrows together.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that." It was something she had been afraid of, that he'd want to go back to that way of life, leading a group, controlling everything, scaring people.

"What? I know we can't go I just... I kinda wanna see it." He shrugged.

"It's too risky." Rose shook her head.

"I fuckin' know that Rose!" He raised his voice. "Don't worry about it." He shook his head while looking up at the sky.

"We need to find somewhere to get our heads down for the night." Rose said trying to change the subject.

"Another fucking hovel. Great." Negan said under his breath. Not quietly enough.

"Oh I'm sorry! Is this not up to your standards, Negan?" She was already irritable, cold, hungry and wondering why the hell she had done something so stupid for someone so ungrateful! He had said thank you, so many times, told her how much he appreciated it, found moments to touch her and kissed her when they got the chance. And of course she knew this wasn't the ideal situation to start any kind of a relationship, this was all about survival but she couldn't get rid of the niggling feeling that he had gotten what he wanted from her. That intenseness he had back in the cell was well and truly gone and she found herself yet again studying him to figure out why. And feeling very very stupid.

She hadn't gotten him out of there thinking they would be together, she had done it because she couldn't bare to see him killed but that didn't mean she wasn't disappointed.

"Damn." Negan sighed. "Since when did we turn into a married couple?"

"Oh fuck off." Grumbled as she pushed ahead of him.

"Aww c'mon baby..." he chuckled to himself as he trailed after her. "I hate it when we fight."

Biting her tongue was the best thing to do she knew that about him by now, he was like a child looking for attention and if you gave it him he'd just do it again.

"Look we're both cold, fuckin' fed up... don't worry I ain't takin' anythin' to heart." Rose could imagine him smirking. "Why don't we pitch a tent for tonight? The only walker we've seen for miles was the BFG back there. Get warm, sleep..."

"Fine." She said simply.

Between them it didn't take long to find a good space near the river they were following, tied the wire and can's around the area and set up the tent. The sun was staring to set when Negan finally said something other than crap to fill the silence.

"So why did you get so touchy about the sanctuary?"

"I didn't."

"Oh come on... I'm no shrink but I could tell it touched a nerve." He threw down his metal bowl lazily and turned those intense eyes on her. She nearly choked on her food, he hadn't looked at her like that for a while.

"It's just dangerous that's all..." Rose shrugged crossing her arms around herself.

"No it's something else." Negan sighed heavily. "You're not happy." It was a statement not a question. "I want you to go back."

"What?!" Rose started back now wide eyed.

"You got me out... I'll be forever grateful for that darlin'. You saved my god damn life in so many ways!" He moved over to her from where he had been sitting across the fire. Knelt right in front of her not unlike he had their first day on the road and she could see a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"I knew it!" She said her voice shaking, she stood up needing to get away from him.

"Knew what?" He stood now too.

"You got what you needed from me, huh?!" She growled low in her throat which burned with the effort of keeping the sobs away.

"Are you fuckin' kiddin' me right now?" He went from intense to just purely livid very quickly, his fists clenching at his sides so she could hear the squeak of the leather. "I told you the first night I want you with me! But you're miserable Rose! I can't drag you down like this! I thought I could, I thought I could be selfish but I can't okay?!"

"Cut the bullshit! I was right from the beginning wasn't I? You played me!"

"Rose..." he tried to interrupt her.

"I let it happen! All the things you said it was just so I'd get you out!" She was getting louder as she got angrier as he tried to interrupt her yet again only failing as she carried on her rant. "And you saw me for what I was didnt you! Some lonely pathetic woman craving some kind of connection. AND THERE YOU WERE!"

She stopped when Negan closed the space between them and gripped her wrists pulling him to her.

"You listen to me." His voice was a rough and deep whisper, she felt the tiny specks of spit come from his mouth. "I am not going to keep reassuring you every two weeks! I'm not that kind of guy! I did not fucking use you Rose! You made me feel things I thought I never would again!"

"Then why have you hardly touched me?" She whispered back, sad this time and it made Negans chest ache, an ache he hadn't felt for someone else in forever.

"That's what this is about?" A slow grin spread over his lips before he looked away, biting his lip.

The smug look on his face enraged her and she knew she had to get away from him, as soon as she started to struggle he let her go. Stomping away like a child she thought about everything that had brought her to this point... what was she supposed to do now?! He wanted her to leave.

"Stupid... stupid..." she paced as the tears streamed down her face. When she heard shuffling behind her she was ready to butt someone for the second time in two weeks but when she turned all she did was scream for Negan.

The huge walker had caught up to them. Of course it had! Their luck was awful! Was this karma for however many people would surely die now she had freed him?

The walker was too close and clumsily impacted with her much smaller body making them both tumble to the ground. It must have only been five or ten seconds in which the only thing she could do to try and save herself was grip at the soft decaying flesh of its neck, if she let go to grab her knife she wouldn't get it in time.

She screamed out with the effort of keeping his snapping teeth away from her when finally, exactly what she had been waiting to see smashed into the side of its head, Lucille. The weight of the massive walker was pulled off of her with a grunt before she felt the leather glove reach behind her neck. Her eyes met dark, worried ones but it took longer for her mind to catch up as his mouth moved but she heard nothing.

"Are you bit?!"

"No..." she said breathlessly. "Fucking crushed me..." she groaned as she sat up taking off her gloves and large coat because she couldn't stand the smell, just leaving her in a jacket. She stood up shivering already by she wasn't sure if that was the cold or the adrenaline.

"FUCK!" Negan exploded, the terror he had felt when he saw that huge fucker on top of Rose was unlike anything he had ever felt and his heart wasn't about to stop anytime soon. "Are ya tryin' to give me a damn heart attack?!"

"What do you care?! I'm leaving remember!" Rose snapped just as infuriated as Negan.

"Woman!" Negan growled flashing that look that turned strong men into shaking messes. He marched right up to her and she didn't flinch even when he grabbed her jaw, making her look at him. "No bars between us now, Rose... ya still brave?" He whispered.

"Fuck you!" She sneered pulling her face away from his hand.

"You think I haven't touched you because I got what I wanted from you?" He smirked again and Rose clenched her fist at her side, fully ready to let it fly. She felt so embarrassed that now he thought this was all about him touching her. Why did she constantly have to sound desperate. She turned her back to him and walked a few steps away.

"I just needed something, Negan. You cant blame me for thinking what I do." She covered her face with her hands out of embarrassment and frustration.

He watched her covering her face and shaking her head and it reminded him how young she was, half his age and hadn't anywhere near the experience he did with relationships. He should have asked her why she was miserable, he would have realised it was his doing. Lucille always said, communication is key. With her voice ringing in his head he dropped Lucille and walked over to Rose, he looked at the sky a beautiful purples and golds as the sun set and knew exactly what he needed to do.

"I wanted to give you space to make your own decision on whether to stay out here or not, I didn't wanna hold you here like a damn hostage." His hands slid around her waist and he put his lips softly onto her ear and whispered, "baby girl, if I did the things I want to do to you, you'd never fuckin' leave me."

"What?" She gasped.

"You're about to fuckin' find out, angel." He whispered as he spun her in his arms and his mouth descended on hers.

A/N - I hope you enjoyed this. It isn't one of my favourites but it also is! I DUNNO. I just didn't think it would be all calm... so this happened haha

NEXT CHAPTER THOUGH... Im not giving anything away ...


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**_Chapter Eighteen_**

As his lips descended on hers she pushed him as hard as she could making him stumble back.

"You think you can fix this with sex?!" She screamed at him. "How do you even function with an ego that big?!"

"Let's get something straight here okay?" His tongue popped out of the corner of his mouth for a second before he picked Lucille back up. "I aint a mind reader! You need to tell me what you're god damn thinkin'! Im not the psychotherapist here!"

"You acted like you didn't need me anymore!" She shouted again.

"You need to be quiet! I may have taken out the boss walker but that don't mean there ain't more lurking around here."

Rose crossed her arms and stood there looking moody, reminding Negan of a moody teenager and he'd be lying if he said it didn't make him want to put her over his knee. "I don't need you anymore!" He told her and watched her face drop. "I want you here! I don't want you to leave!"

Despite how he ended the sentence the way he had started it infuriated her, the way he used his words just to rile her up.

"Why did you say it that way you asshole!" She said punching him in the arm making Negan look at her shocked.

"You need to stop hittin' me!" He told her pointing his long finger in her face, which she swatted away.

"You're such a dick!" She huffed.

"Yeah we already established that, darlin' why don't you write it into my didgnosis, doc." He smirked at her.

"Theres no mental illness here, Negan, you're just a dick!" She prodded his chest with her finger, hard to emphasize her point and Negan's mouth twitched angrily.

"You're real infuriating you know that? You push buttons I didn't even know I god damn had!" He looked and sounded just as angry as Rose but she saw his dark eyes dilate as he glared at her.

"Same to you ass..." She was interrupted by his hand tangling into her hair that had fallen out in the fight for her life and his lips met hers for the second time. Half of her wanted to slap him in the face but she had a hunch that he might enjoy that so she went with the other half of her that wanted her to wrap her arms around his neck.

His lips slid over hers with a firmness that made her knees weak. She never knew how in control a man could be without being forceful. How he could get across how desperate he was for her just by the way his breath got heavier, the way his fingers gripped at her almost painfully and how he seemed to savour every inch he touched.

A groan left Negan's mouth as his hands slid down her back and under her clothes finally feeling her skin. His tongue dominated hers and it made him need to be even closer to her, so he pulled her closer savouring every little part of her he was in contact with. She would never know that when Negan was kissing her he felt like he might not be as evil as he made people believe, that if someone as good as Rose believed there was good in him then maybe he was.

When Rose pulled away suddenly he groaned thinking she was going to start arguing again, until he saw her face full of anxiety. She pushed him back slightly and was looking around as though she had heard something. He looked around too now wondering what she had heard and then he heard a grunt coming from behind him where the trees began, he felt a tremor run through Rose's body and pulled her closer.

Neither of them were used to this kind of thing anymore and he had to slow down his mind to make himself think the way he used to.

"Don't move." He whispered. He slowly knelt down to pick up Lucille and noticed that Rose had taken out her gun.

Good girl, he thought. He slowly walked towards the trees, scanning them which was hard considering the light was going quickly, it had been irresponsible to be out there.

"Come out, come out wherever you are..." He sang. "You sick fuck voyeur."

No movements.

No sound.

Just Rose coming to his side when he wished she would stay behind him. They both stood silently waiting but nothing happened.

"It was probably just an animal or something." Rose whispered.

It sure hadn't sounded like any animal he could think of but he didn't want to worry Rose any more than she already was. If it wasn't already getting dark he would have had everything packed up and they would have walked until they found somewhere safer but it was too late. They were trapped until morning.

"Yeah, maybe." He told her grabbing her hand. "Lets get back to the tent we shouldn't have been out here at this time." He positioned himself slightly behind Rose as they walked hoping to be a shield if needed as they traipsed through the woods.

XX

Negan was sat in front of the fire one hand on their only gun and the other clutching Lucille, completely vigilant. There had been nothing untoward since the last sound they had heard but he had heard it and so had Rose. She had been so on edge and one thing he would always follow was Rose's hunches, they had always been right so far and so he knew something was off. If it had been a walker they wouldn't have stayed hidden they would have come straight for them. There had definitely been something watching.

Despite knowing someone had been there before Negan was unaware of the pair watching him in the dark silence of the night, not making a sound. The first sound had been a mistake they would never make again. They thought they were predators watching their pray.

They thought they were top of the food chain but they were unaware of something too.

Who it was they were watching.

Negan knew that the evil which lay dormant in him wouldn't stay that way if anyone threatened the woman who was currently sleeping in the tent behind him.

He was Negan after all and whoever these fuckers were had no idea what he was capable of.

XX

"You didn't wake me." Rose said groggily as she crawled out from their tent the next morning. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"I wasn't tired." Negan told her his voice just as rough from the lack of sleep. Truth be told he wouldn't have been able to sleep knowing she was out here all alone, he would never tell her that though, she'd probably kick his ass for assuming she wasn't capable.

"Hmm." Was all she said. She knew the real reason. She always knew. He pulled her to him kissing her softly.

"We need to get going right away." He told her resting his forehead on hers.

"Did anything happen?" She asked, feeling guilty that she had slept the whole night but she had done the bulk of the watch the night before and there had been no arguing with Negan.

"No... nothing." He said as he stood up and stretched, his knuckles painful from gripping the weapons all night.

"Good." She said quietly. "We need to find somewhere don't we." She sighed.

"I dunno... people can be worse than the dead sometimes." He said as he started to pack up the tent, he was aware of Rose staring at him with a disbelieving expression on her face. "What?" He smirked at her already knowing what she was thinking.

"You were one of those people! We'll be lucky to find somewhere that you and the saviors didn't torture the resident of and would kill you on the spot."

"We never went this direction or this far." He told her. "I'm not stupid, angel." He grinned.

What he would never tell her was that he was well aware of what the consequences of his past could be, they had been going through his mind the whole night.

"Get that gorgeous ass ready to go." He said trying not to sound as though he was in a rush when he was so used to barking orders at people.

He wanted out of here, he wanted to try to push all the thought of vengeance away, he would never let anything happen to his Rose.

She was too good for this world.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

_The Silence_

 ** _Chapter Nineteen_**

Blood splattered across Rose's face as Lucille collided with a walker, power tingled up her arm and she looked beside her to Negan who stood watching.

"I told ya." He grinned. "Feels good don't she."

Rose bit her lip as she handed her back to him. "Yeah... it does." She smiled, he had wanted her to realise what using a weapon like Lucille would feel like rather than her "boring" one.

"She!" He corrected her.

"She." She said to placate him. "It's messy though." She groaned trying to wipe her face with her already dirt coat sleeve but her loose strands of hair getting in the way. "Argh!" She let out a frustrated yell. Curse Rose of the past for deciding bangs was a good idea! The fact that she was ever in a place when she could pick a hairstyle that wasn't just for convenience was baffling to her.

"Here!" Negan laughed, pulling out a familiar looking piece of red fabric from his jacket pocket.

"Your scarf." She said simply, she had wondered why he hadn't put that back on.

"I don't need it." He said coming to a stop, holding Lucille between his legs he pushed back the hair on Rose's face before wrapping the thin scarf around the back of her head to the top where he tied it, keeping the hair out of her face. "There we go." He smiled at her beautiful face looking back at him with a playful glint in her eye. "Fuckin' suits you, doll."

"Negan the stylist. Who knew?" She grinned up at him enjoying the playfulness between them again.

"Did you not notice how fuckin' cool I've constantly looked for the entire end of the world?" He stepped back spinning slowly.

"Oh yeah, the first thing I thought when I saw you was wow this guys got style."

His face turned serious. "What was the first thing you thought when you saw me?" He asked her.

Rose often thought about the first time she had seen Negan, when she had been invisible to him. "I hated you." She told him. "For what you did to Daryl…" her heart constricted thinking about Daryl, he and Maggie were the ones she had betrayed the most but Daryl was one of the people she had been closest to.

"Understandable." He nodded.

"You were cocky, so sure of yourself and I won't lie… you terrified me."

Negan looked over at her chewing on his lip with uncertainty in his eyes. "Different times, huh."

"Not really." Rose shrugged. "You still scare me sometimes now." She laughed softly.

"I don't wanna scare you…" He told her reaching out for her hand and pulling her to him. " Not unless it's when you see my massive di…" Rose interrupted him by bringing her lips to his.

"Don't ruin it." She smirked. As cheesy as it was every time she looked into this mans eyes she was just as intrigued as the first time, they always held multiple emotions.

"Can you help me?"

The small voice from behind Negan made him jump. "Jesus Christ!" He yelled as he turned to find a small girl stood a few metres away. "Where in the fuck did you come from!" He was holding his chest, putting on the usual comical front but the way he placed himself in front of Rose showed he was always still aware.

Rose couldn't believe what she was seeing, the tiny dirty girl must have been six or seven at the most, her clothes were rags and far too big for her and the only way that she could assume she was a girl was the out of place pink sparkly bow in her long curly and matted hair. Stepping around Negan she smiled at the little girl.

"Are you okay?" Rose asked her.

"I lost my Mommy and Daddy, can you help me?" She sniffed in a way that seemed fake to Rose but her instincts were too prominent to do anything other than believe her.

"Rose…" Negan said in a low warning voice as she approached her.

"What's your name?"

"Megan." Her eyes looked really sad. Rose knew she was a sucker for people who clearly needed help, it was why she went down the career path she did and why she had forced Daryl to be her friend. But she still needed to be careful.

"Well, I'm Rose." She smiled kindly at her. "This is, Negan." He had followed Rose over of course and was stood at her side.

Megan gave him a tiny wave before looking back over to Rose. "Like Megan with a N?" She asked making Rose beam at her.

"Yes! Exactly. You're very clever." She told her. This told Rose that whoever was looking after this girl cared enough to teach her to read and write as she would have only been a baby when the world ended.

"Thank you." She smiled shyly.

"Rose. C'mere." Negan grunted beside her.

She told Megan she would be one second and stepped to the side with Negan who was looking around them into the surrounding woods.

"What the fuck?" Negan whispered to her, his voice still rough and clearly angry even on a whisper.

"We can't just leave her! She has nothing, she's not even wearing shoes!"

"Exfuckinsactly! What kind of fuckin' looney toons treat a child that way?" He looked over to the girl stood waiting for them to finish. "You don't see how shifty this shit is? Especially after last night!"

"Of course I do but we can't just leave her!" She pleaded with him.

"Which is exactly why it's the perfect way to catch poor unsuspecting good samaritans, Rose!"

She sighed heavily, she knew how much sense he was speaking but at the same time she couldn't see past it being a child. She just couldn't see herself walking away leaving a little girl to fend for herself.

"You really expect me to walk away and leave a little girl stood there?" She looked at him with regret. "I'm sorry."

"Shit fuck." He cursed out loud making Megan clear her throat in the background, which made Negan glare at Rose. "Well I can't walk away and leave you to fuckin' die now can I."

"We'll be fine…" Rose said trying to convince herself, she had thought already the people who took care of her clearly loved her. It wouldn't be a trick, they would be glad they had returned her.

"Right." Negan announced. "When was the last time you saw your useless parents?" Negan asked Megan who looked at Rose as she spoke, clearly intimidated by Negan.

"It was near the river…" She wouldn't make eye connect with either as she spoke. "I didn't walk long. I'm just scared that the monsters will get me if I'm alone." She looked so small and vulnerable in that moment that Rose was sure it wasn't a trap, nobody would risk someone so young and small.

"Come on then… let's walk straight into a fuckin' trap." Negan said tightening his grip on Lucille as he walked in the direction of the river.

"It's okay we don't set traps." Megan told them. "Daddy hunts with other things."

"Oh yeah, like what?" Negan asked sounding unimpressed.

"A bow." Megan shrugged.

"Hey come here." Rose said to the little girl. "You can't walk like that you've no shoes."

Megan looked down at her tattered feet and then up to Rose, shocked. It didn't add up that they would teach her how to read and write but not give her shoes. Maybe they just didn't have any to give her. Some people found Alexandria and others just assumed they were the last few alive and made the best of what they could.

"Do you mind if I carry you?" Rose asked, Megan just shook her head at her. The woman went to pick her up when she felt the weight of her backpack being pulled away.

"Give me that." Negan told her as he looked at her with affection, dipping his head to her ear as he took the backpack. "You really are a god damn angel." He whispered.

Rose blushed at what he said in such close proximity, there certainly weren't any bars between them now. Shaking herself out of the fog that was caused by Negan's voice and scent she picked the tiny girl up and began walking, shocked at how light she was.

They had been walking for twenty minutes and in this time Megan had warmed to Rose even more and was laughing at yet another of her terrible jokes.

"Why did the cookie go to the hospital?" Rose asked making Negan roll his eyes.

"I've never had a cookie." Megan said in a sad voice.

"Wow, kid. You're breakin' heart here!" Negan sighed.

"Because he felt crummy." Rose finished the joke making Megan giggle.

"You're funny, Rose."

"Why thank you." Rose smiled.

"No you're not." Negan smirked at her making Rose bump the side which she wasn't carrying Megan on into him.

"You guys are really fun. I like you." Megan told them both. "I'm sorry." She added so quietly that they barely heard it.

"Sorry for what?" Rose asked, she looked at the little girl in her arms seeing tears begin rolling down her face. "Sorry for what, Megan?!" She stopped now and placed the little girl back onto the ground, getting to eye level.

"Sorry for what, kid!" Negan shouted, making the girl flinch.

"Step away from her!" As soon as they heard a mans voice Rose's entire body became weak and sagged, this was her fault. Looking up she saw Negan looking fiercely over at a man, dressed a lot like Megan pointing a bow at them.

The effort to take out her gun undetected as she stood up was stopped violently by somebody pulling her back to the ground by her hair, for a second she thought it was Megan until she saw another man stood over her grinning. Grinning until Lucille came crashing down on his arm anyway, letting Rose go.

"Stop or I will fucking shoot you both!" The first men screamed.

"Daddy no!" Megan cried.

"Shut up!" He spat in her direction. The second man had recovered quickly and even though Negan had pulled Rose up and positioned her behind him his very old looking rifle was still trained on them. "Weapon's down."

"I think I'll keep it, thanks." Negan sneered, the twitch of his top lip making him look almost animalistic.

"I will shoot her in the fuckin' head!" The second man shouted, he was clearly the more unstable of the pair.

"See that's a lie." Negan smirked sliding easily into his old persona. "That rifle looks rustier than Lucille was when I got her back, you couldn't make a shot like that with that piece of shit."

"Ya think?" He said back threateningly, adjusting it in his shoulder.

"I know." Negan growled.

"April!" The first man, Megan's Father shouted confusing both of them until they heard the click of a gun behind them. Negan turned to see a woman pointing a gun at the back of Rose's head. Rose hadn't needed to turn, she could feel the cold metal pressed against the back of her skull, sending a cold shiver of dread down her spine.

"You're dead." He said in that voice that told them all no matter how the odds looked now, they would be sorry when they changed. He lowered his Lucille and his knife to the ground and took Rose's weapons from her too so that she didn't have to move. As he took them he looked into her eyes. Rose noticed those same eye's that had been playful and mischievous not even an hour earlier now looked worried and enraged. The small nod he gave her was his way of reassuring her, she knew that.

Rose's fingers gripped onto the back of Negan's leather jacket as he turned to face the other two men.

"Bobby." Megan's Dad gestured the other man and before she knew it a bag was being placed over her head and rope being tied around her wrists.

"Negan!" She said out loud in a panic reaching out for him, only to feel the smooth leather sliding from her fingertips as she heard a scuffle. She knew Negan was struggling when she heard one of the men say "he's strong mother fucker!" And another, "put him down."

"No!" Rose screamed running toward the voices, knowing there was absolutely nothing she could do but just not being able to stay still. She didn't get far as the woman behind her grabbed onto the rope and as she heard Negan grunt and the sound of his body heavily hitting the ground she screamed.

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **I had some amazing reviews on the last couple of chapters! Thank you so so much! I'm loving the direction I'm taking the story and have it planned right up until we see what happens in the midseason premiere and I'm so looking forward to writing it all but I always worry people might not like where I take it, so thank you for reviewing, following and favouriting! It's nice to have people along with me.**_


	20. Chapter Twenty

**_Chapter Twenty_**

The throbbing was what she noticed first, before she had even opened her eyes the pain was unbearable reminding her of how she had gotten it. Rose's eyes shot open and the first thing she saw was Negan watching her with concern, his hands were behind his back probably tied tightly, she could feel the rope cutting into her own.

"Ahh." A rough voice said from beside her. "She's awake." It was then she took in the rest of her surroundings. To her left was a tiny wooden hut which Megan and her Mother were sat outside of, the man she remembered being called Bobby had started to make his way over to Negan and herself. Megans Father was already sat to her right grinning with black teeth.

Looking over at Negan she tried to convey how sorry she was to have gotten them into this situation but he just moved his glare between the two men.

"What do you want?" Negan asked them.

Megan's Father just laughed. "What does anyone want these days?" He shrugged.

"Cut the shit!" Negan spat back at him only for the other man to back hand him, sending his head flying harshly to the side.

"A back hander? Really?" Negan smirked. "Bitch." He laughed, earning him another.

"Negan. Stop." Rose shouted.

"What we want is what everyone else wants." Bobby told them. "A good meal."

Rose's stomach turned, she knew people had turned to those kinds of means to stay alive but to come into contact, to end up the meal made dread take over her.

"Oh how fuckin' original." Negan whined. "Cannibals? Trust me guys I don't taste good."

"Bet she does." Megan's Father nodded towards Rose. "In a lot of ways."

"I will CUT YOUR DICK OFF and feed it to the walkers if you so much as breath in her direction!" Negan yelled only making the men laugh. Megan's father walked over to her slowly, gritting her teeth she braced herself for whatever he was about to do but when he knelt down beside her and leaned forward to very deliberately breath in her face she flinched. She could hear Negan's struggle but just concentrated on staying still as the mans rancid breath got closer and closer until she felt something wet brush her cheek.

"Get off!" She screamed trying to pull away, it only made him laugh and as she opened her eyes she could see he was taking real delight in watching Negan's reaction. She looked over to Megan and her Mum who were facing away now reading a book. How could this woman let her daughter be around this kind of shit?

"You call us unoriginal, I call us innovative. The world's ruled by humans eating other human's now, we joined them. They keep us safe." He gestured to their surroundings.

"What do you mean they keep you safe?" Rose asked, she knew to keep these people talking.

"We're surrounded by barbed wire, sweetheart." She flinched at him calling her the name she had gotten used to Negan calling her. "And the dead, we got them tied up all around, keeps the others out." Rose could tell he took great pride in what he had come up with. Something she knew Negan had done back at the sanctuary. "You met one of them actually. Killed him. Jimmy. He was my favourite too. Biggest one I ever saw."

"It was you. You were watching us."

"Yeah was pretty impressive how you took him down." He said to Negan. "I might even keep you to protect us when you're one of them."

"Ooo lucky me." Negan seemed lighthearted but she knew his mind was working fast, thinking of any possible way to get out of this alive. She couldn't see it happening.

"Come on, Bobby. Im tired of this guys bullshit. Let's go get everything ready." He began walking away.

"What ready?" Rose asked, panicked.

"You'll see." Bobby told her rubbing his hands together.

When they had gone Negan caught her attention. "Can you get free?" He asked her quietly.

"They tie a good fucking knot." She said frustrated as she tried her hardest to free herself.

"Shit." He cursed. "We'll have to fight when they come to get us. You can do this, Rose." The way he looked at her almost made her believe she could, that's why he had been a good leader.

"I'll try." She tried to push her emotion away. "I'm so sorry, Negan. I get you out and then I get us into this mess…"

"Yeah you can make it up to me when we get out of here."

She shook her head slowly and he could tell she was about to loose it.

"No. Don't. We're gonna get away. I promise. I haven't even seen your tits yet!"

Rose laughed despite herself and noticed Megan look over at them before her Mother forced her attention back to her. She began to wonder what the Mothers role in all of this was, she clearly loved her daughter very much, this couldn't be what she wants for her.

That was it. She was their only chance.

"Hey!" Rose raised her voice so that they would hear, both of them ignored her at first. "April was it?" Megan looked back at Rose sadly, her Mother stiffening beside her. "You're little girl is really smart. You should be very proud of her." This got her attention and she turned her head to the side slightly. "Megan told me about everything you do for her."

"She _is_ smart." April said proudly.

"I can tell you love her very much." Rose said gently. "It must be hard raising a child in this world."

At first Negan wondered what in the hell she was doing until he recognised the voice she was using, the same one she used to use on him when they first started talking. She was in therapist mode. Son of a bitch, did she have a plan?!

"Yes… it is." April agreed turning around. Straight away Rose could tell this woman was an introvert, easily led and she could work with that.

"I come from a community." Rose started. "With other kids. They go to class, they play together. It doesn't have to be like this."

"A community?" April had turned around now and started walking towards her.

"Yes. I could tell you the way."

April stood, clearly in turmoil after so many years of probably being scared into submission and doing what she thought she had to in order to keep her daughter alive.

"I didn't think there was anything like that." She looked amazed. "Megan would like that."

"Let us go and I'll tell you how to get there." She wouldn't give that information to just anyone but Rose could tell she was a good person even from the little she knew about her.

"I can't!" She gasped. "He would kill me." She backed away from them and Rose started to loose hope. "The first time… I tried to stop it… he…" April seemed to have zoned out recalling whatever horrors she had been through. Rose spotted the marks on her face and arms, one being a deep cut across her forearm.

"We won't let them. I promise you, okay…" Rose pleaded. "Please. For Megan!" April just continued backing away shaking her head.

The rustle of the bushes warned them that the men were back, April shot back to her place beside Megan unnoticed.

"Bobby, take him." The man said as he made his way over to Rose. "April, you take Megan and go along with them now, okay?" Without even a glance in their direction she pulled Megan to follow Negan who was being dragged away by Bobby, the rusty rifle digging him in his back.

Negan was shouting for Rose and she shouted right back, terrified now. She couldn't see any way out of this.

As the man walked closer to her she knew exactly what was going to happen, why he had sent his wife and daughter away but all she could do was scream for Negan's life.

"Please don't kill him! Please!" She was crying now, sobbing. "I'll do anything."

"You'll do whatever I god damned tell you anyway." He told her as he grabbed her jaw. "You wanna know what my brothers gonna do to him?" She shook her head. "We don't just kill… we butcher." His breath was making her gag which only added to the way she was beginning to hyperventilate. "Oh don't be sad. You'll be with him once Ive had enough." He stepped back from her and started to unzip his filthy trousers.

"No… no…. No…" She was chanting in her desperation. She knew there was no use in begging, not with someone like him.

As he reached into his pants he stopped suddenly and it was only from the lack of movement that Rose looked up from the spot on the floor that she had been focusing on. Negan stood behind the man in all his glory, holding a knife to his throat and towering over him looking like some kind of angel to her.

"Get on your knees." He growled so low in the mans ear that she nearly didn't hear. The anger shook his voice and she knew this was the Negan she hadn't seen for a long, long time. "GET ON YOUR KNEES!" He roared making the man drop down, almost as though it was involuntary, like he hadn't meant to but the fear Negan was inducing in him made him. "Get me my weapon." Negan said and Rose watched surprised as April ushered Megan into the hut.

"You okay?" Negan asked Rose, not taking his eye's of the man knelt before him for one second.

"Mmhmm." Was all she could manage as she watched April bring Lucille to him. Once the bat connected with his hand it was like he grew taller, the atmosphere thickening. She felt the pressure around her wrists ease and looked behind her to see April looking scared.

"I don't know why people never listen to me." Negan started. "Did I or did I not say I would. fucking. kill. you?" Rose got to her feet shakily and pulled April away.

"You might want to go to Megan. You won't want to see this."

"I want to see." April said in a voice that didn't even sound like her, she too seemed stronger. Rose took a deep breath looking back to where Negan was circling the man who had thought himself a predator.

"Answer me!" Negan shouted pointing Lucille in his face.

"We'll get you one day. The dead have risen!" The man laughed hysterically, even in the face of death and it reminded Rose of just how this new world could effect people in such extreme ways.

"I was right. You are a fuckin' looney tune. Lucille…" Negan addressed his bat and she couldn't help but cringe at the way he accused other people of being crazy whilst talking to the bat he thought was somehow connected to his dead ex wife. "You must be so thirsty, my girl." He grinned at the weapon. "I won't make you wait any longer."

The first time the bat connected with the mans head she cried out in shock. She had never seem him do this. She knew it was a part of him but it was easier to ignore when she hadn't seen it first hand.

To Negan's surprise the sound of Rose's cry made him enjoy the process a whole lot less, he felt vulnerable and almost… ashamed for her to see this part of him. Then the image of the man undoing his pants as his Rose sat helpless came to mind and he began to thoroughly enjoy it again.

By the time his head was mush Negan finally felt calm.

Dropping Lucille he turned to Rose who stood with tears in her eyes, he wasn't sure if it was because of him or what she had been through but when he closed to space between them and she let him hold her, he figured it didn't matter.

Rose told herself the man deserved it, of course he did, god only knows what he had done. She was in shock at what Negan had just done but at the same time his arms holding her to him so tightly made everything okay. Her mind was silent, consumed by the feel of his hands on her face as he wiped it dry.

"Are you okay?" He asked her quietly, kissing her quickly multiple times as though he couldn't help himself.

"Yes… how did you get away?"

"April… you got into her head. Like you always do." He chuckled. Rose turned looking for April only to feel a small person collide with her.

"I'm sorry." Megan was sobbing her heart out. "I never wanted to do it. I never did. But I really liked you, I wanted to warn you." She carried on and nobody could tell what the young girl was saying. Rose wrapped her arms tightly around the small girls and looked over to April standing behind them crying quietly. These two had been through more than anybody should and Rose wanted to help them.

Except she knew she couldn't. Alexandria was a place she could never return to.


	21. Chapter Twenty One

Chapter Twenty One

Negan had seen that glint go from her eyes gradually with no way of stopping it. The one that kept the smallest of sparks ignited within him in his darkest days was gone and he knew it was his fault.

It had been a week since they sent Megan and her Mum on their way in the direction of Alexandria with instruction to not mention himself or Rose. And although he was no psychologist he could take it back to the exact moment that glint started to wither. The moment she sent those two on their way to the safety of Alexandria, to the safety of a group she had thought of as her family which she would never be a part of again.

He couldn't relate but the last thing he wanted was for his Rose to feel pain but he knew he was too brash about things and thought that him approaching the subject would just be like a bull running into a china shop.

"You think they'll have any? Cos I'm gonna freeze to death tonight if we don't get extra." Negan watched the frosty air exiting her mouth with her words, it was turning to winter real quick and they hadn't come across anywhere to get extra clothing so far. Anything they did wasn't wearable.

"You'll never freeze while I'm around, Rosie. I thought I was doing a damn fine job at warming you up." He grinned.

"Spooning isn't gonna cut it anymore, Negan." She scoffed. "For you either!"

"I don't mind being little spoon." He chuckled before sauntering forward. "C'mon let's get my girl whatever she wants."

"Please keep your voice down!" Rose whisper shouted as they entered the small town mall, it only consisted of about eight shops but it looked relatively untouched except for an electric goods store. What kind of idiots went for the apple products in an apocalypse?!

"Is it just me with the music from Pretty Woman in their head?" He asked her before he began to hum the tune and saunter down the centre as though on a cat walk.

Rose couldn't help but laugh and when he noticed his head tilted as a slow smile spread across his lips. "There's that beautiful smile." He said in that soft tone reserved for her outstretching his arms as she got closer. He left a sweet kiss on her lips as he stroked her face, bending his neck to look into her eyes. Before he could say anything else she pulled away and walked over to the clothes store.

"Hey let me go first!" He told her.

"Im a big girl, Negan." She told him smirking as she pushed opened the stiff door and went inside. It smelled of damp but no dead bodies and so she went further inside. "I'll go this side," she pointed to her left, "you go right and grab anything you think we could use." She told the man who grinned back at her, always amused when she took control, something he was not used to sharing in these situations. "If you bring me a leather jacket, I will find a way to castrate you with it." She said as she walked off with her knife gripped in her hand to the sound of Negan's laughter. After making sure her half was clear she set out looking through the clothes that were left.

What Rose needed was thick clothes, especially a winter coat and so after grabbing a few jumpers she began to search through the coats. She spotted one with sheeps wool and pulled it from the rack not expecting her heart to sink into her stomach along with her breath. The brown suede jacket with soft wool around the collar she held up was exactly the same as Ricks. Her shaking hand lifted to stroke the front of the jacket and remember every smile, every hug, every moment with Rick Grimes flashing through her mind and her heart broke, really broke this time. He was gone. The man who had made her a home. Given her a family. One she had betrayed. Her legs gave out and she sobbed, hugging the jacket to herself.

"What the…" As Negan rounded the corner and saw her collapsed and sobbing her heart out on the floor his first thought was that he had been expecting it for a while now.

He knelt in front of her his soft voice making her lift her head to look at him. "I…"

"You ain't gotta say nothin' Rose." He looked down at the jacket and recognised the style. He shook his head slowly dropping on the floor next to her and pulling her into his lap. He didn't say anything, just waited for her to be okay. He didn't know how long it took until her croaky voice spoke.

"He's gone…" She didn't move her head from his chest. "And Michonne…" Another sob wracked from her. "She's lost him and I'm not there to look after her and Judith. To help everyone… and Daryl…" She sobbed again. "He's just…" Negan stroked her head as she heaved in a breath to try and steady her voice. "He trusted me and I…."

"Rose… calm down! Please. I'm so sorry." He placed her to sit next to him and pried the jacket from her hands, putting it back on the rail. "I wish you didn't regret this." He put his head in his hands.

"What?" Rose sniffed as she stood up. "I don't… I don't regret leaving with you. I regret having to leave the people I love behind. Making them hate me. But I made the choice and I don't regret it. I'm grieving, Negan. For Rick and the family I had."

Negan was relieved, he finally understood it. This woman who was too selfless for her own good was yet again thinking about all the people she couldn't help. " _I_ love you." Negan told her. For a long time Rose just stared at him.

"What?" Rose gasped.

"You heard me." His dark eyes were trained on hers, a sign he was deadly serious, she could see it. He had that sincere smile, the one that make the lines by his eyes soft and the tears started to leak from her eyes again. In a few steps he had his arms wrapped around her and his large hand pulled her head to his and their lips met in a clash of moans.

It felt different. They were each trying to tell the other something, something that had been dormant for so long, pushed to the back of their heads, too busy surviving. Negan bent slightly at the knees grabbing onto Rose's thighs and lifting her before walking to an old table nearby and sitting her there, there lips never leaving each others. His hands pushed their way under multiple layers to touch the skin of her waist and hips making a breathy moan escape her as she gripped both sides of his open leather jacket trying to pull him closer.

As one of his hands got higher and slipped under her bra Negan was ashamed to admit he almost came in his pants like a sophomore but was encouraged when Rose broke from the kiss throwing her head back. When her hands started to undo his pants he pulled back from the side of her neck he had been kissing.

"Baby, I ain't gonna last more then a minute." He laughed.

"I don't care!" Rose told him breathlessly. "I need you." She pulled his head down into a passionate kiss, running her tongue over his making him groan before gently biting his lip as she opened up his pants.

"Ya got me. Fuck… ya got me bad, baby." He whispered as he quickly disposed of her pants, his hand rubbing her in the exact right spot to make her moan loudly before he placed his other hand over her mouth.

It was no surprise to her that he was taking the lead, for so long she had been in charge of everything between them. He positioned himself at her warm, wet heat before grabbing her leg and throwing it around him, her other followed and all that could be heard as he entered her was two breathy moans of relief.

For so long there had been barriers between them, even after the bars it took a while to get used to being able to touch each other whenever they wanted but this was beyond anything either had ever thought possible. As Negan set the pace rocking against her nothing else mattered to either except being this close. Rose was moving against him and the glorious ache just built and built and from the small desperate noises escaping her he could tell she was close.

"You're fucking perfect." He rasped out as he held on to her ass and began to increase the speed as he felt her tighten around him. "Fuck."

Rose's release made her whole body shake, she knew there had been a lot of build up to this moment but she never expected to feel the fireworks, the shivers at every touch like people wrote in those novels she used to read. As Negan groaned into her neck finding his release she bit her lip riding the aftershocks of her own.

They stayed that way, breathing heavily in each others arms before he looked at her happy and calm face smiling back at him.

"You're so fucking beautiful." He kissed her gently before he stepped back and passed her her pants because as perfect as that moment had been, it was still dangerous where they were. When they were both back to normal he pulled her into him again.

"Are ya okay?" He asked.

"Perfect." She smiled at him. "Now did you find me a coat?" She asked.

"Nah… I found a new way to keep ya warm though, huh." He wriggled his eyebrows at her with his grin the biggest she'd ever seen.

"Seriously though." She told him shaking her head.

"Yeah I found the women coats on my side. Come on." He took her hand to lead her over but she pulled him back standing in place.

"Hey…" She got his attention. "I love you too." She smiled at him.

"Told ya my dick was the answer to all ya worries." He smirked. "Sad… my dick." He started to walk with Rose trailing along beside him rolling her eyes. "Happy… my dick. Cold… my dick. Hungry…"

"That's enough, thank you!" Rose interrupted him.

"You'll never get enough, princess. I know I won't of you." She gave him a small smile before starting to look through the coats as Negan looked around them both noticing that they were starting to loose light.

"We're loosing light so be quick. I don't wanna get caught here at night. We don't even know where the other exit is." He told her going straight back to serious.

As much as Rose was a little piece of heaven to him Negan knew that they needed to find somewhere soon and it was a constant worry for him. He wasn't loosing his Rose.


	22. AuthorsNote

So I never imagine I would leave this story so long and I can only apologize if there is anyone out there who was really disappointed by that.

I've been that reader! I know how annoying it is but unfortunately life does get in the way.

This is where I give a very much unasked for and personal account of what I've been going through. If you're not interested then there is a new chapter - please enjoy! But if you are...

I got married rather young, I was nineteen (yes I used my own experience as most writers do for a very small part of Rose's back story) it was a happy but also troubled marriage that ended five months ago.

It ended after emotional abuse where I was cut off from family and friends and convinced it was me who was the problem because I didn't trust him. Stupid in hindsight but these things can happen to anybody! In reality in the space of 3 months he had been talking to another women and even had a girlfriend for a month.

He was a horrible horrible man and it was a horrible time for me in which I had no motivation to write anything or do much. I was heartbroken and embarrassed. But things are getting better and I am back, eager to write the story I've had in my head all this time for Negan and Rose.

Why am I doing this awfully personal authors note you may ask? Well because sometimes it's just nice to be honest and transparent and maybe somebody can relate or even have some questions I could help with.

A long shot, I know but it's nice to get it out however I can!

Thanks for reading my excuse for being MIA for a long hahahaha but I'm very much back and loving writing this.

Your comments always make me so happy but right now would really lift my spirits so let me know what you think of the chapter if you want to! :)


	23. TwentyTwo

Thank you so much for returning to my little story after I abandoned it, I promise it won't happen again.

Chapter Twenty Two

Six Months Later

Negan had learned a lot about Rose in their six months on the road. One was that she had some kind of weird relationship with books, so much so that every single one he matter of factly burned for heat made her wince.

"I was always more of a kindle guy myself." He said out loud, as though to distract her from the betrayal of throwing a classic onto the fire. She was curled in the corner on the makeshift bed they had made from cushions and beanbags from the kids section hugging two books to her chest.

One was Tess of the D'urbervilles, her favourite book and the other was Psychology for beginners, way below her knowledge but she insisted that she might forget.

"You know what? That doesn't surprise me." Rose told him in a bored tone.

"I'll try not to be offended by that, beautiful."

"Oh no... please, be offended." She shot back with a smirk.

"You know where those smart ass remarks get you, Rosie." His sing song tone would be playful to anyone else but Rose knew exactly what he meant. They had been hauled up in the library they were still in a month after the shop. Once they found the stockpile of cans in the cellar for what they assumed was once a food bank for the poor, Negan made the decision they would see out the winter there. It had become a perfect base for them once they secured the medium sized building and added security measures to the outside. The thing was, that there was little more to do than the daily chores of perimeter checks, deciding which cans to eat, read and of course, as Negan put it "christen" every inch of the library.

They had gotten to know each other very well in that respect.

"We're gonna have to leave soon. You know that?" Negan said softly, barely audible over the crackling of the fire.

Rose just sighed, curling into an even smaller ball. Negan stood, making his way over to what Rose liked to call their den. He sat himself beside her and wrapped his long legs around her as he pried the books from her arms, laughing at the face she gave him when he finally took them.

"It's been nice here, huh?" He nuzzled her ear and she smiled thinking about how they had spent most of the last five months in this exact position. Hidden away. But the food was running out and it may have been safe in winter when the walkers were slower but it wasn't going toe safe enough now.

"Too nice. Back to reality though, I guess." She intwined her hand with his and turned to face him slowly.

Negan had come to know when Rose needed him and exactly what she needed from him. The way her lips softly brushed his before taking his bottom lip between her own in a sensual kiss told him all he needed to know as he pulled her legs out from under her and gently lowered her backwards.

He took his time in kissing her and letting his hands caress every part he could get to, Rose doing the same thing thinking back to the first time in the clothes shop. Rushed and needy but perfect in every way, every time since had been perfect too, whether slow and loving, desperate and rough or Negan surprising her up against the bookshelves.

Their clothes seemed to disappear one item at a time in an instinctual way that had happened gradually. He gave her that dark look as he began kissing his way down her body, it still made her breath hitch. Now that she knew that look in such a personal way, they could both be fully clothed and metres apart put it would make her ache thinking about all the times that powerful gaze met hers whilst he was inside her.

"I better make our last days really count then, huh." He rasped before lightly scratching her thighs as he pushed her legs wider apart.

Just as he was about to lower his head a loud bang came from the other side of the room. Rose stiffened as Negan jumped up without hesitation, naked as the day he was born with Lucille grasped in his hand. From the muscles of his back Rose could tell he was priming himself for whatever situation he could be faced with, his body coiled for attack looking every bit the caveman. She jumped up with the heavy duvet covering her, not wanting to make too much noise fumbling to get dressed.

Negan's free hand reached behind him and she knew it was because he liked to know she was close in those situations and so she quietly shuffled over to him.

"Just like old times hey, boss?" A confident voice called from the shadows causing Rose to let out an embarrassing squeak she couldn't stop.

"Who the fuck are you?!" Negan barked out, his mind working so quickly hearing the word boss once again. He speedily grabbed his pants, pulling them on.

The man in the shadows chuckled as he walked up to them, from the sound of their shoes Negan guessed there was two of them. He pulled Rose forward only happy once she was flush with his back, one hand touching it.

He was right, two men emerged into the orange, flickering light that the fire gave off. One was taller than the other and had a baseball cap on making it hard to see his face in the dim light and the other, had a mess of auburn hair that covered most of his face too. Negan knew exactly who he was.

"Good to see you, boss." He smiled proudly before kneeling, the man he was with doing the same. Rose noticed the way his eyes closed as he looked to be in pure bliss at having gotten to kneel in front of his leader once again. It made her physically shiver, he really gave her the creeps.

"Reece?!" Negan said incredulously. "You have got to be shittin' me!" He laughed loudly and Rose knew that deep down he would be enjoying this, the power of having somebody kneel in front of him again would feel good. She was reminded of just how fascinating this mans mind could be.

"I am glad to see you too, fellas but you literally caught me with my pants down here. Turn around would ya, give my lady friend some privacy."

They were more than happy to comply and turned around, eyes to on the floor.

When Negan turned around his face was very serious and there was a look in his eyes that told her they weren't out of danger, something was off. Maybe he wasn't slipping back into his old role quite as easily as it had seemed.

"Get dressed." He told her as he took the duvet from her, holding it up in front of him to make sure she was definitely out of view. He only threw it back onto their bed once she was fully dressed, weapons and all. He got himself dressed then before standing in front of her and gently holding her face in his hands in a reassuring way. "Stay behind me at all times." He whispered so quietly into her hair that even she barely heard it. She nodded, trusting him completely.

"Good girl." He smiled but she could see the nervous edge to it.

There was no way of knowing what these men wanted from him, his past was well and truly coming to bite him in the ass.

There were nowhere near enough swear words in the world to cover this situation.


End file.
